A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago I was becoming quite lonely with few friends and was dying to be in a relationship with someone who cares about me and who I can care about. I guess my confidence got better and now I have more friends and ,now, I have fallen for and have attracted the attention of two guys and find myself in a slightly awkward predicament.I've known Guy 1 (let's call him that...) for around 4 or 5 years. The catch is, I have only known him through the internet. We have constantly kept in contact through these years and have recently become far much flirtatious and have told each other that we like each other. How we make each other smile and happy. We text daily. We contemplate meeting in real life (though he is in Europe and I am American) and I am hopeful that we do... and that this relationship will actually become something serious.I've known Guy 2 for only 2 months. We didn't immediately click but, after a party, he told me that he was interested in getting to know me better and wanted to hang out. Since then we've talked a little and have had your classic dinner and a date with plans to go on other dates. I am very physically attracted to him (this guy is VERY attractive) and, while we don't text each other frequently, when we do talk it seems so natural. We actually have very much in common and I am constantly surprised by things he reveals about himself or his life that are very similar to mine. Even his interest in things other people have no clue about... we share some of them!The downside to Guy 1 is that he is halfway across the world, there is no promise I'll ever meet him, and he can be pretty sexual over the phone. He's also sent one or two fishy text messages that seem like mistexts and it kind of makes me wonder... but I won't jump to conclusions. The upside is, otherwise he is quite sweet and very funny.The downside to Guy 2 is that we don't talk as much as I'd like to! He also tends to say one thing (like "lets go out the weekend") but never follows up. I've also not known him for as long...I did this to myself I suppose. I feel guilty as well. neither guy knows about the other and, while I'm not in any kind of official relationship with either of these guys, I feel bad that I might be accidentally leading one of them on. If either one asked me to be in a real relationship I would love to, both great guys... but I just don't know what to do.I wish I knew where my relationships with both of these guys were going. One I can interact with in person and like but don't know all that well and the other I cannot interact with in person but also like him and have known him for years.On one hand I want to wait it out a few more weeks and see if I see anything serious stemming from these relationships. If one doesn't seem like it's going anywhere I will cut it and can dedicate my entire attention to the other guy. This sounds bad, but it's my gut feeling.On the other hand I feel like I must make a decision NOW. I feel like I am "cheating" though I'm not even in a real relationship!PLEASE, someone give me a little advice or input. I could use some help here. Many thanks...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 July 2013):
The simplest way to choose between two guys is to ask them to let you see their bank statements from the last couple of years. If one has lots more assets than the other,.... then he's the one for you!!!!!
Good luck...
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (19 July 2013):
 Problem with guy 1 is that there is no way that you can have a serious relationship with someone that lives so far away, and you havent even met in real life so you dont know that you will have that chemistry face to face anyway. Save yourself the heartache now and dont waste your time trying to have a long distance relationship, they rarely work out well especially when there is different continents involved.
End the 'thing' that you have with guy 1, its not going anywhere and its not fair on either of you.
As for guy 2, you just need to wait and see. He doesnt sound like the ideal candidate, being flaky and not following up on plans sounds like he might not be that into you and just sees you as a bit of fun, someone to hang around with.
But just because guy 2 might not go anywhere doesnt mean you automatically should be with guy 1, he's not right for you either!
Just keep dating, see who you meet and see where it goes with guy 2. But guy 1 is not going anywhere and will never be a viable long term option so nip that in the bud now before you get anymore attached to him.
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