A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello friends my question isn't really a relationship question but how can I lose weight? I feel very depressed about my weight but I can't seem to lose any weight I have tried many methods but nothing seems to work. I feel like in stuck in a rut. Because of it no guys have shown any interest in me. I have never had a boyfriend nor do I talk to guys even as friends. I'm a really nice person and my friends say i have a good personality but I just hate the way my body looks. My friends also say I should wear makeup and change everything about me by giving me a makeover but I want a guy to like me for who I am. Im not saying I'm not feminine I just like to be more simple. I don't want to pretend that I'm a fashionista and other things. I want to go to the gym but I am afraid of "fit" people laughing at me. How can I build my self confidence to help me lose weight? Thanks for reading!
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Good luck! Remember, you just need to make the right choices… it's not rocket science, lol! If you do indulge every now again, that's fine, just make it the exception, not the rule. You'll do fine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi I have taken the first step in this long process by running and changing the way I eat. Thank you so much for answering all the answers are very motivating. Wish all the best for you!
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 March 2013):
I think you have the cause and effect backwards. Losing weight often boosts self confidence. Self confidence doesnt let you lose weight, self discipline does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): I am in my 30’s and have been trying to lose weight since I was 11. I have recently lost 30lbs, in 4 months. It’s not the most and the fastest weight loss I’ve had, but I feel really happy and satisfied this time round because I did it for me, and not for friends, family or strangers. It sounds so cliché but don’t underestimate the power of this. I’ve lost weight before because I thought I was unattractive to mainstream standards, because someone mentioned try this diet. I believe that when you are ready you will do it and you wouldn’t even have to question how do I do it. It will come naturally, you would recognise why you eat the way you do, and be able to control that in a way that works for you, and the same goes for exercise. I am not a fan of the gym, but for the first time ever I go to the gym on average 4 times a week, only this time I do classes, as I also love the social side of spin classes, body pump, step classes etc. Its not about the latest trends in weight loss, for me its about making the most out of what’s best for you and then you will feel the benefits without founding it hard.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (14 March 2013):
 Youre going need to build boundaries doll about what is allowed to affect and what isnt. People will make fun of you. They will laugh but thats cos theyre stupid and cruel. I used to be hideous in high school. Now im exact opposite and then some but thats taken about six years hard work to change mentally and physically. Get committed and get focused.
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A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (14 March 2013):
hey, thats cool that you want to get into fitter shape! fad diets are very restrictive and bound for failure as they can mess up your metabolism. From a personal story, i was overweight my whole life until something clicked in me and I wanted to change. I went from 160lbs to 120lbs in 6 months through mostly counting my calories, and gradually introducing exercise (mostly cardio at the gym). First get a scale to weigh yourself on a regular basis (like once a week) and another one that will help you measure your food when preparing meals. Then you need to determine what's your goal weight (a good start is to check your current bmi and do several goals e.g. first reaching the top of the healthy bmi range e.g. 25) so then it can help you determine how many calories you should eat a day. Counting calories is nothing bad or restrictive and it doesn't mean that you must only eat veggies and must say no to junk food. it's just a measure on up to how much food you should eat a day to lose weight. There's some helpful sites out there (myfitnesspal or caloriecounter) that have online journals to help you keep track of what you eat and also have a catalogue of how many calories are in X quantity of food. There's also forums with a wonderful support system from people going through the same as you are and that will help you if you need some tips about anything sports, foods etc but also moral support if you are feeling down. In the beginning it's difficult to adjust but when the weight starts to shed it will keep you motivated in your new lifestyle and as the pounds drop, your confidence will probably increase on its own. However, weight loss is something you need to do for yourself and not as a sense to feel validated by others. Your post discusses a lot about guys not noticing you etc and i was in the same position as you are so i can relate to that. however i think that by weight loss/exercise you will be amazed that you are doing it on your own, through your will power without the help of anyone and that you are pushing the limits of your comfort zone. Something else which is surprising and that I wasnt prepared is that when losing weight, there is also sometimes a whole impact on your mental state too. Its not just about gaining self confidence, but it's also getting used to a new body/external shell especially when a person was overweight most of their life.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar +, writes (14 March 2013):
Youre gonna need to build boundaries doll about what is allowed to affect n wat isnt. Ppl will make fun of u. They will laugh but thats cos theyre stupid n cruel. I used to be hideous in high school. Now im exact opposite n then some but thats taken about six years hard work to change mentally n physically. Get committed n get focused.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): Dont worry, you are not that important, no one will laugh at you. The fastest way to loose weight is to eat as much raw foods as possible. Go on line and do a little research. When I went on it, I lost 20 lb within a month, but then gained few back in time. But I was not overweight. I was on a verge of being overweight weighing 145 lb, with only 5.4 in height. When I lost 20 lb, people were terrified to see me like that, and I didn't like how my face looked. With time I gained about 10-12 lb back, and stay with this weight for the past 5 years. I thinks. It's my ideal weight. Also with excersises , don't overdo it. Do what you like, may be pick up some dance classes, walking is very good, take some group body building classes, but don't kill yourself. Excersising needs to be for pleasure not for torture. Yoga is also nice. just stay active. I m very much against personal trainers that work you to death for some higher purpose, who knows what. Do something everyday, wether its just a walk, or half an hour swim, or salsa class. You ll see a big difference right away. Good luck.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 March 2013):
When I see a heavy person at the gym, I think "good for him!" or "good for her!" People at the gym likely were heavy themselves at one point and understand exactly what you are going through.
Put on some headphones and get into your own private meditative space while you work out. By doing that, you block out the people around you and can just do what you need to do.
After a few weeks, it will all seem quite normal and you'll be looking at even heavier people at the gym. What will YOU think of them then? ;)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): Weight loss is 20% exercise and 80% eating healthy...you can exercise all you want but if you don't change your eating habits you will not see the results you are hoping for. One pound is 3,500 calories. Losing a pound or two each week is ideal and you will be more likely to keep it off then if you crash diet with claims of losing 10 pounds in the first week or fall into any of those "diets"....ya because it's water weight, especially in women. Anyway, it's not as difficult as it seems to lose weight, but changing your eating lifestyle is what can be challenging...first and foremost, cut out all the fast foods and as much processed food as you can...that alone will have you dropping weight in no time. Cut your portion size down...lean meats, less starches (rice, pasta, potatoes, etc.) and tons of vegetable and fruits. When I was in my late 20s and trying to drop baby weight, I was very strict mon-fri. and on the weekends I ate what I wanted, within reason of course, not gorging, but I at pizza, cheeseburgers, you know, all the bad stuff lol, I exercised daily and lost all of it. Now, in my 40's that doesn't work at all, but I have changed my eating habits considerably and have kept 45 pounds off for over 5 years now. I swim laps in the pool and work out at the gym 5 days a week. Find something you enjoy...don't worry about the people at the gym...go and check them out...if you walk into a place full of fake boobs, tans, designer athetic wear....just walk out and find a normal gym with normal average people not there for a show but working on or staying healthy...they are around....take advantage of a free two week trial to see if you like it...take advantage of a free personal training session to understand the machines and equipment and how to use them. Find a friend to go with...being accountable will push you to go if you are counting on each other to be there for each other. If you can't find a friend to go with, have a great playlist on an ipod/mp3 player...it's very motivating...the first couple weeks are tough and you will feel sore and very unmotivated to go...once you get past that, you will soon find you are stronger and have more energy and will stick with it..it's just getting over that initial hump! Try to get at least 30 minutes a day, but 60 would be even better. Walking daily with a friend or alone is an excellent way to start...it's fun to start clocking miles and see how much further you can go each time.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 March 2013):
 I know how you feel at the gym, I about left mine when they installed 2 treadmills with a 175 pound limit. Pick your classes carefully. The hydro aerobics class I like has an instructor who is not a dancer and most of the women in the class are older than 50. I don't feel intimidated by them.
By the way swimming or pool walking is a lot easier on your joints if you are heavy. As much as I like the treadmill I'd recommend a gym with a pool. Most gyms around here have taken advantage of the silver sneakers program, which means that there will be retired people there. That helps break down the intimidation factor.
Weight loss or good health, however you see it is a conscious choice to change your lifestyle. You are right that you can't do it to please some other person, especially a person you haven't even met yet. You have to do it for you. Then the changed person is you.
FA
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 March 2013):
Nobody is going to laugh at you, let's just get that fear out of the way right now.
Losing weight is EXTREMELY easy.
Eat whole foods and be active.
That's it.
Don't worry about dieting, just eat real food and you'll be okay. That means be skeptical of anything that comes in a package. Learn to read ingredients.
I can't go over everything here but it's really that simple. And not only will you lose weight but you'll feel amazing. That confidence will attract others to you which will make you feel even better.
On the other hand you are repelling people right now. It's not your weight as much as it is your attitude. And that's making you feel worse. Not to mention you probably feel crappy when you eat crappy food.
So get a gym membership. DON'T GO TO BALLY'S. Otherwise, shop around and don't buy anything on the first visit no matter how good the salesman is. Compare things at home then make your decision. Stay away from contracts.
Then look into eating whole foods. It's more work but easy and you don't have to follow a diet.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): Don't fear about going to a gym. Losing weight and getting fit is what a gym is for. There not going to laugh at you for that.
One good way to lose weight is to eat in the right proportions. I read this thing that said for each meal meat should be the size of a deck of cards, starch the size of a baseball and at least a baseball and a half of vegies. I forgot what the fruit was but there are lots of websites that will show you. Their are also websites that have good healthy meal recipes. Most of the crazy diets on TV don't work. Its best to eat healthy food in proportions and exercise. And drink lots of water. Maybe find a good nutritionist.
Don't give up on dating. The right guy will like you for who you are. Stay confident!
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A
female
reader, JessicaFlorida +, writes (14 March 2013):
 Go to the doctor he/she should check
To make sure that you don't have a
Thyroid problem that's if you exercise,
And tried to diet. First then they'll
Refer you to a nutritionist. (:
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