A
female
age
36-40,
*sPsychology
writes:[Mod note to poster: TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK. All caps is considered to be shouting and is difficult to read]Hi everyone. I love psychology and i want answers based upon men psychology. I used to have a ex bf who was obsessed with me and thought he was in love. I treated him wrong at many timess due to not being completely into him at the start. I hurt his esteem, broke up a milion times. And he became immune to it finally and became less affectionate, loving, and lesss everything towards me.. For the last 6 months i have tried to communicate, tried making it work, i have triedddd talkin nicely but all he does is blame me and find faults. He says i blame yet all i do is think of ways on how to fix things. I know i made mistakes, i know i tainted his love. But i know he has been wrong for a long time also and treated me so differrnt. He still calls and msg's and we haave been on and off for ages, he still asks if i need money so it must mean he cares. But everything else lacks. He is not with anyone else, heis just grumpy all the time.... I have broken up with him again. I cant take the hurt. The put downs. The blame............ They say that u can get a man back by affecting his hot spots. Eg. Ego. Ignore him for 2 weeks. Make sure u seem and look happy. Do not call or text him. Make him feel u dont want him. Reverse the situation. I really need intellectual advice based on psychology of men on how to get him back and get him chasing the way he once did. Please . I do not like feeling this way and i have been hurt and sad even though deep down i know i shouldnt. I feel hurt that everythng he fighted for and made me believe when i had no trust, was broken in the end anyway. It feels like i was let down, and that i was right,. That it was infatuation and not real love. But then i think maybe i damaged it over the course off time. Regardless i need real tips in order to get him feeling bad for how he has been for so long. And i know he gets very jelous still about me. But mind u i cant pretend to move on with someone he is the type who judges and holds that against u. He knows im very goodlookin and was always insecure. He even stoped complimenting me. I felt like he wasnt atracted. Or maybe he wanted to bruise my ego or make me feel lesss. . Help ppl.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 May 2010):
You cannot change him but you can change yourself .When he see's the change in you, he will change also .
Be kind, be loving, be compassionate, be forgiving of his faults and in time , you will change his perspective and win him back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): There is nothing you can do, it's time you accepted that the relationship is doomed to failure and move on.
It sounds to me that you're both stuck in a horrible cycle of break ups, make ups and constant games that is leaving both of you in a long term psychological mess.
You need to stop this game and move on, how long are you gonna try and fight to make things the way they once were? when you know in your heart that it's never going to happen.
You're taking his jealousy as a sign that he cares, when that's not the case, jealousy is not a sign of caring it's a sign of obsession and posession, the same can be said for offering you money and asking if you're okay.
None of what you're saying makes any sense to me at all to be honest. You seem very confused or you just don't know what you're doing. As Accountable said playing psychological games is the best way to destroy a relationship, manipulating him into seeing you the way he did is a horrible concept and it's not reality.
You have to accept that he's never going to be the guy you wished he was, nor is your relationship ever going to be the way you dream, and no amount of games or manipluation is going to change that.
You're trying to find ways to rationalize and explain his/your behaviour to find ways of ignoring the obvious because you don't want to accept the reality of your situation, you're trying to find other explanations and signs that what you know to be true is wrong, because you don't want to accept it. This is why you are fighting so hard to try and save something that's been over for a while now.
I have known people in your situation, two people that know they can't be with each other because they make each other miserable but can't do whats necessary to move on becuase they can't let go. It's a long and horrible process of jealousy, arguments, love/hate cycles and the constant breaking up and making up leaves them depressed for long periods of time.
That's not love, that's fantasy, obssession and infatuation. Time to move on.
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A
female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 All of those "male psychology" things you seem to have been trying (ignore them, reverse the situation etc) are a load of rubbish. If you really like him, stop playing all these mind games. Naturally people are going to lose interest if they feel like you are constantly testing them or playing games with them - ultimately the best thing you can do is be straight with him, and if things still dont work out, then your relationship was never meant to work and you should both move on.
Good luck :)
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