A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i posted about this guy some time ago but now truth has been revealed and i am even more confused than ever. First of all it is honest to say that i like him. Very much. He makes me smile and laugh everyday and it was long time ago last time i felt something like that.The problem is I do not know what he wants. Plain and simple i am too scared to misunderstand everything and make a fool of myself. He works with me based in a different place. When he was here we were out together and everything was perfect. We spent hours talking, laughing and flirting. From this day we chat everyday (because he contacts me), he calls me silly names and he is always asking when he is going to see me again and why he did realize so late i am such a great girl. He told me he likes me and he says i am cute, sexy and sweet. He asked me for a picture and he says he wants me happy. He also cares about me. Now I have a serious problem and he is asking and reassuring me. And still ... i do not know what he wants.He has a girlfriend and he is not hiding it. I do not think our way to communicate is normal between "just friends" but am i getting everything wrong here ?? Is everything just in my head ?I do not want to be more attached to someone who is not interested but if he is not why he pursues me ? It seems way too much work just for sex ..I know he has a girlfriend and i do not plan to sleep with him but relationships are not always meant to last forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi - Thanks for your answers. I think you are right and a step back is needed. I do not want to be played and even if he is showing all the signs he is interested, chances are that he never leaves her ... If i was his gf i would be mad to know my bf is asking another girl "book your trip and come to me" and at the same time, it is difficult to me to understand his real intentions and expectations. All these conversations are feeding my feelings and i can just be disappointed and heartbroken.
Just time can tell but i do not want to be in the middle of them. Thanks again !
A
female
reader, Bubblii  +, writes (23 May 2010):
Put yourself in his girlfriend's position. How would you feel were it your boyfriend all over another girl? You yourself said that your communication feels like something more then friendship. It can be easy to forget 'the girlfriend' is a person with feelings and insecurities and just to see her as someone on the sidelines, but she's not.
You are the intruder in their relationship. You need to disengage from the situation. Next time he calls tell him that you're sorry but you don't want to cause problems in his relationship and that you don't think it's fair that he talks to you the way he does when he has a girlfriend. Tell him he can talk to you when he's single, then hang up.
If he has genuine feelings for you and he is a decent person he will sort out his relationship problems (either by fixing up or breaking up) and if he does break up then you can both start fresh without any of the disharmony and dishonesty that comes with cheating.
Don't sell yourself short. To be worth your time a guy should only want to be with you, his loyalties shouldn't lie anywhere else and he wouldn't be attention tripping with all those head games that guy plays with you.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 I have been in a very similar situation, with a guy whom I was very close to and friends with for a long while. We were very close and we had a wonderful time in eachothers company - we laughed, cried and just had a ball together. Thing is, he was with a girl and I was with a guy already and I made sure there was no indication on my part that there would ever be a chance of anything happening further.
One day, he crossed the line and kissed me. It messed my head up quite a bit because it made me have to address the feelings that I so clearly had for him at the time.
I had to be strong, which is what you have to do here, and told him that while I really did feel for him, the fact that I was in a relationship and the fact that he had a girlfriend meant that we simply could NOT be together right now.
Now, this guy may very well think that you are the best thing since sliced bread - it happens, we do sometimes just find miss or mr right when we are already involved but you need to tell him that as much as you may be interested, you cannot do anything with him while he has a girlfriend as you would be punishing her and yourself for his mistake.
I would definitely let him know how you feel an back off. Let a friendship remain but do not let it get more complicated than it really needs to be.
If he is truly interested in you, he will eventually run out of steam in his current relationship and that is the only time at which you should let him pursue anything with you.
Be strong here. His feelings may be genuine but you're right to be cautious. Take a step back from this man and spend some time on you.
Best of luck! xxx
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A
female
reader, rebeccahayes12  +, writes (22 May 2010):
Your situation sounds very much like one i have gone through and i sympathise whole heartedly with you. i would hang on to his every word and its only in the last six months or so that i have seen him for what he is... a player. taking this aside it is very hard to let go and if im honest i needed him to do it as i would always hope that something more would come of it. unfortunately it never did and even to this day if i were to hear from him i would be the happiest person alive..sometimes i think it is a case of we want what we cant have,it will get easier in time,but it does take time for us to realise that although they are a lovely person when we are not involved with them a relationship changes everything and we have on several occasions tried to cut our ties...we also worked together and i moved offices...i hope u dont waste too much time on him because unfortunately it may never work...u will work it out in the end. good luck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 It's hard to find a partner who would fulfill you every need. My principle is that if I can't find such person, I would accept my boyfriend for who he is, or, I remain single. It's immature and disrespectful to do what he's doing. You handle this by stopping all contacts with him. Set an example for other girls. Let your sistas know that this is nothing to be tolerated and guys would stop stepping all over us. This applies to both male and female players. He just wants to flirt with you. He feeds on your energy and attention. You are expecting more. So he's sucking you dry because you are spending so much more effort into this than what he's able to give you. Cut ties with him and start over again with a new unattached man.
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