A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Pregnant, should I take him back? need opinions from experienced mothers/fathers?Ok this may be a little long but just had an overwhelming week and feeling kind of lost and confused. Would appreciate EXPERIENCED mature opinions.Me and my ex got pregnant once before and I choose to abort due to school and work. That was a wrong choice bc ever since then i always felt guilt(as i should) and wanted that chance back. So a few months down the road we planned my pregnancy, but the week i found out i was pregnant my bf got layed off from a great paying job due to the bad economy and it went downhill from there. He decided the pregnancy was bad timing, and he didnt want to be with me either so gave me money to abort and told me to leave his house or he was calling the cops. of course i was hysterical bc this was something I NEVER in my wildest dreams could imagine him doing but after hours of arguing and lots of crying i left with no dignity or pride what so ever, Now 5 months down the road, I received a letter from my doctor stating that she wanted to take blood from the father of the baby to check if he had the same trait that i had. Long story short i went to his house dropped off the sonogram pics and letter from the doctor along with the appointment info and my number, he never told and missed the appointment. SO the following day i went to his mothers house which i only met a few times and told her what was going on. she was calling me every day to check on me and then this saturday he calls from her number and starts yelling at me for not telling him i was still pregnant (WHICH IS BULLSHIT BC I TRYED TEXTING HIM A COUPLE TIMES TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT THE SITUATION). Anyways so he continued to yell until i put him in his place and he calmed his tone and apologized stating he has alot of problems right now with his health and work etc..etc.. He asked to see me so we can talk and i told him we could speak on the phone, basically shutting him down. My question is should I try to get him back in my life and give him that chance or just leave it as it is and just make him go to the appointment and not give him any type of attention. A part of me is saying to not get involved..even as friends and keep him out my life until the baby is born but the other wants him. i know the ball is in my court right now and i dont want to mess things up more then it is but im sooo confused what to do. I still have so much anger for what he did to me and i dont want him to hurt me or let me down in anyway so i dont know what to do. Sorry so long, hope for some good feedback. Thanks.
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female
reader, uluvme0723 +, writes (9 March 2009):
 I feel for you. I know ur bugging out. But I think there's hope. I know what he did was f-ed up. But he was going through something. I have a habit of doing the same thing. When something goes wrong in my life I lash out on other people for no reason. Its not right, but it happens. But I think you talk to him, but dnt jump back into the relationship. Wait a while and see how he acts. When/if you feel your ready to be with him, then do so. But don't do it for the baby. Because then your going to feel obligated to him. Ya'll need to work on Ya'll selfs first. But this is what I would do. And yes I'm an experienced mother. Single mother at that. And I don't regret it. Hope I helped.
A
male
reader, ILWrestler160 +, writes (9 March 2009):
Hi. First off I would like to say sorry for your current very difficult situation. These situations are alot easier when children are not involved. I have been married for 3 and half years with a 3 year old daughter. My suggestion would be to give your complete and undivided attention and love to that child you are carrying. I was laid-off 6 months ago to a well paying job also, and my wife was a stay at home mom and I was very very overwhelmed with failure of not doing my fatherly duties of taking care of my girls. I was very irritated easily and found myself taking it out on them, which I was in the wrong for. I would take things very slowly and in small steps. I could understand the stress he his going through if he is laid off and worrying about paying his own bills and now has a child to care for on top off that. but if it is love between you two everything will fall in place with you two. But if he is unwilling to follow through with the child then i would part ways. And phone conversations would be ideal until things smooth out guys sometimes tend to overreact at these situations. I mean don't completely cast him out every child needs a father figure but sometimes thats the way it has to be for the best. Its not about you guys anymore everything you do from now until the rest of your life will revolve and effect your child. Always put the child first. I have made mistakes in my marriage and Im im the process of fixing them myself and I now realize with out my girls is not a life I want. My wife got pregnant while we were dating and decided to get married. So give him this final chance and make it crystal clear to him up front that he is going to have to be there for everything the physical aspects and the mental and emotional aspects. Being a parent is a full time job that never stops. If he is up for that then go from there and take baby steps if hes not up for it. Then hes going to be missing out of the greatest thing that could happen to any man. I hope I have helped you in anyway. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to reply back. Good Luck.
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