A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey! I just have to get this out of my chest and maybe some of you can help me also.Here's my story. A couple of years ago, I was living in a different city and I met a guy. Our time together was really brief (we had a fling for four days) because we got involved a couple of days before I got back to my home town. My problem is that I haven't been able to get over that fling, even though I'm in a serious and loving relationship right now, I can't keep thinking about our time together or thinking "What if I had stayed?" or "What if I had came back?". I feel as if I miss him terribly but I realized that maybe I just can't get over the fact that I'll never know what would've happened between us if we have continued our fling. So far, maybe it doesn't seem too complicated but it is. I have kept in touch with this guy over the years through chat and we have a great chemistry (just physical chemistry, we keep remembering our hot brief encounters) but he has moved on (as have I) and he has gotten married. In my case, I feel like my present boyfriend is the one. Even knowing all this, everytime we chat we can't help remembering those past times. I have tried to stop talking to him but I can't help wanted to talk to him because I like remembering with him (even if that's all we do). He doesn't tell me much of his life. He actually told me he was going to get married a month before this happen and he never elaborates on any of this issues.So well, I just don't know how to shake this. I can't stop thinking about our past "relationship" and I can't stop wanting to see him. All I can think of is that maybe I could have closure for this fling if I saw him and realize I'm just idolizing him. Maybe if I meet him and realize that we can't talk much and that he only wants to flirt (or maybe have sex) with me I'll see him for who he really is.I wonder if there's a way to get over this without really having to meet him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know, a couple of weeks ago I told my fling how I felt. I told him that I missed him a lot and that I can't help regretting coming back home and not stayed with him a bit longer. He told me that he always remembers our story and that he gets a "sad-romantic feeling". So, I asked him about that and he said that he also would've wanted me to stay because he loves talking to me and that he thinks we could've had a future. He also told me that every now and then he gets a melancholy feeling remembering me because he wanted me to enjoy me a bit more.
I don't need to tell you that this didin't help me AT ALL. I just started to cry when I read that (the only way we talk is by chat) because I realize I missed that chance and I can't turn back time. That if we could've had something great (probably not lifelong but great) that opportunity is completely gone now. And now I think about him more and more because I can't have him (sure, forbidden fruit).
It gets even worst when I realize that our path are going in a complete different way. Again, he's married now. I bet he's very happy and I'm sure if he chose that woman to be his wife she must be a great person but, even if I realize that, I can't shake him out of my head.
In my case, I did do romantic trips with my boyfriend. I even introduced him to all my family and I feel a lot closer to him but after knowing all that my fling told me I felt like that closeness I had with my bf is going away.
I'm starting to worry that this may keep me from going on in my life. There's not one day that passes without thinking about this and what could've happen and how much I would like to see him (my fling) and settle certain things. But even if I want to see him and make sure that in person he may be different, I can't (we live thousands of miles away, literally).
I just don't know how to deal with this.
A
female
reader, aisforacting +, writes (26 August 2009):
 I think that this man is just an exciting, fresh new thing. I have no doubt you love the man you are with, but this fling was so hot so new.
My advice would be do something exciting and new with your present boyfriend. Take a trip. Plan a romantic night.
If this doesn't work, I'd advice telling your fling how you feel. Ask him if he ever felt that way for you.
Goodluck!
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