A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this is going to sound like a stupid question but I married a minister and hes not real into his ministry as of yet. Its not as settled as he would like but I need help. Ive always hated secrets and hate that he has to keep things from me because of his ministry so I was wondering if any of you have any advice as to how I can accept the fact that he cant tell me these things. Cause I'm having a real hard time accepting it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): I'm going with a guy in the healthcare field and he can't discuss anything with me about patients due to the HIPAA rules. It's limited conversation at best about his work, but he has to protect his patients privacy. We can talk about his business travels and conferences but the patients health conditions are off limits.I found other hobbies and am fulfilling my life goals as much as possible.My girlfriend has been married to a pastor for some time and she told me that being a pastor's wife isn't all that it is cracked up to be.My grandpa was a pastor. I've got uncles that are pastors. I've got cousins that married pastors. I'm surrounded by them.The wife of a pastor plays a different role. All of their wives can do is smile, but there for the congregation and church and not get too involved in the members lives. They are there to support their husband and the church. They can never let on that they are having a down day to any of the church members. It is rather isolating.I was telling my aunt who was the daughter of my grandpa about my situation with the man I am seeing and how isolating it can be since we can't interact with the community due to his position and she said that is exactly like being a pastor's wife that it can be lonely since its hard to have a close friend.You will have to learn to accept that this his profession, his calling and that he can't reveal everything to you.My girlfriend who is married to the pastor works outside the home and so do all of my uncles wives and the female cousins that married pastors. They all have interests beyond the church.You may try focusing on that for yourself.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2013):
 You learned more about him as you dated him, presumably? I mean, if he suddenly decided to become a minister without warning after he married you, well, then, you have something to consider.
I think maybe you aren't suited to be a minister's wife?
Think of it this way, any "secret" YOU have, or your mother, or your sister or brother or friend, any "secret" any of you may have, might be shared with the wife or husband or friend or sister or mother of the person with whom you confided. Does that sound reasonable to you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): Well when I first met him he wasnt thinking about ministry had I known he was gonna go there I wouldnt of dated him. And I know its very immature of me to think that way but I just hate not knowing ya know. its driving me crazy.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 February 2013):
It's like marrying a doctor or a therapist. You don't have the other people's permission to know their secrets, so he has the obligation to protect their privacy.
Would you like your doctor to tell his wife everything secret about you?
They aren't secrets he's hiding from you. They are private matters that you aren't included in.
Are you a very nosy person? Maybe this wasn't the best choice of a husband?
It's his work. He has a moral and ethical obligation to protect the privacy of the people he counsels or ministers to.
I'd suggest you stop thinking about them as secrets and recognize that it is the private matters of people, none of whom have given you access to them. Maybe it's time to find other things to think about?
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