A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend nearly a yr and hes never given me oral sex!! he doesnt even talk bout it!! its the same old thing, nothing spontaneous we just watch tv go to bed, light goes off he gets on me does his business and says i feel better now after that!!! what bout me!! he likes me giving him oral sex but i wont swallow i dont like it!! he keeps asking me to though!! and caugfht me out which i didnt like!! theres no foreplay not much kissing, hes never kissed anywhere lower than my boobs!! and ive never had an orgasm since ive been with him!!! i give him back massages but he dont for me!! im bored . cos i suffer with low self esteem i kind of put up with it and dont think about my own needs!! dont you think hes selfish?, even though in everyday life he would think that he isnt!!
View related questions:
boobs, foreplay, kissing, oral sex, orgasm, self esteem, swallow Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (30 September 2011):
 if he doesn't like oral he should not have to do it. i can't imagine i would like it if i was a bloke or a lesbian! can you talk to him about his reluctance and find out why? is it just inexperience that makes him not want to do it? maybe he has never done it to anyone and he is scared to try or maybe he has done it and it didn't work so he is not confident to try it with you. your sex life sounds very boring. you should be able to talk about what you like, need, want, enjoy with each other. if you are intimate enough to be having sex you should be intimate to be able to discuss it
x
A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 Some guys don't like giving oral. Talk to him about it and try to guide him to it. From what you've written your bf could be selfish in bed which means he may not want to go down on you. If he doesn't, then maybe you shouldn't give him oral as well. I didn't know what oral was all about until my ex introduced me to it. We had other issues and had to break up. My current bf isn't into it, but I do orgasm in other ways (his hands). Anyway I can never forget those oral orgasms with my ex!
...............................
A
male
reader, eek +, writes (28 September 2011):
 for me personally when i was in a relationship i loved nothing more than to see/feel/hear the enjoyment of my partner when i was licking and teasing her. I loved knowing that i was giving her pleasure and was happy i always left her satisfied.If you have been together a year and never had an orgasm you both really need to work on your communication in the bedroom. If you want to get his tongue down there try messing around with chocolate sauce or spray cream place dots on each other and lick accordingly. Then put it where you want him to lick and when he gets there encourage him, tell him how good it feels and try to get him to keep going. One good tip is make sure your clean down there with shaved or neatly trimmed hair (as there is nothing worse than getting a load of pubes stuck in your mouth.) and obviously make sure your not near that time of the month as can taste bitter a few days before. Have fun and good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 How about you stop self pitying and open your mouth to say something? Why would he bother to go down on you if you never initiate that you want him to? I take it he's just not a natural talent in bed, so it's your own job to teach him the ways around your body. You've left it for a year already, he probably thinks you're not that into sex and he's ok with things being as they are.
You need to speak up and stop blaming him for not reading your mind. You call it "putting up with it", I call it not taking responsibility for your own sexuality. If he refuses to it's one thing. If he just doesn't do it, and you never talk about it, that's quite the other.
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Does the term "self-centered" mean anything to you?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 September 2011):
 have you talked to him about it?
asked him why he doesn't do it? MY bf told me from the get-go that giving oral was out so I knew going in that it was not happening... we still talk about it... and why it's not working for him and how I miss it but we TALK.
While a man may choose not to perform oral sex on his partner, he should be concerned about her needs wants and desires and be sure that she is sexually satisfied.
But the key is that the couple has to be able to talk about it. IF you can't talk about it that's a bigger issue.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Let me ask you something: have you ever tried to seduce him such a way way to invite oral sex? I mean, wear something frilly and sexy, perhaps a thin pair of undies or stockings? Have you washed up or when do you sleep together it's hastily thrown together and its late at night?
I firmly believe that lovers are made, not born. It sounds like your boyfriend is a lazy / selfish lover or simply just ignorant of the fact of your needs.
While most men would like to think they are expert lovers, if you don't at least hint that you haven't achieved orgasm he is going to continue to think his fumblings are doing all that he needs to do.
There are a couple of things to do is to make your bedroom a special place for you. Wear something sexy or new. Wear special perfume. Light some candles, etc. Make it all about him and but turn it around and encourage him to ravish you. Most men are easily encouraged in this manner and if you play your cards right you will achieve an orgasm. When you perform oral on him, why not subtly go into a 69-position and see what happens. You can encourage him by your breathing / moans, etc.
Failing that, I think you need to gently express to your boyfriend that he needs to satisfy you. Explain to him that what he is doing isn't bad, but he could be doing more and be more vocal about it. Be explicit in your needs and if he is a loving man who wants to satisfy you, he'll step up to the plate.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Why don't you just stop having sex with him for a while? And then when he asks what's going on, you tell him.
You can mention it but if he changes the subject or doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't love you. And you should dump him
We are creatures of time. After a lot of time without sex, he will realise that you want some changes made and will start to do what you say.
Eventually he'll change. It's just a question of "when".
...............................
|
