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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: When my brother passed away, an ex-friend from childhood came with her family to the funeral home. She gave me a hug and then said, "I'd say let's get together but I'm moving out of the country- so oh well!" with an evil smirk on her face. (Inside the funeral parlor, in front of her family nonetheless!) We had been friends since childhood and then she ditched me and my friends in high school for the "popular" crowd. She tried to re-connect in college, but I didn't take her calls and ignored her since well, we weren't friends! I guess this was her 'pay back' so to speak, but she was always so cruel and definitely never a true friend. (More like a "frenemy" really.) So overall I know I shouldn't let this bother me, but this girl is engaged and has all of these friends. It seems like she has this perfect life, so why did she have to say that, especially since I was going through a hard time. It's been a year since his death so I guess that's why I'm thinking about all of this. I know she is not my friend so I shouldn't let it get to me but I can't help thinking, why does it seem like the bully always wins?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 Your heart is only that small and there is not enough space to fill it up with all those good and happy thoughts and memories.
You should throw out those negative thoughts in your heart and replaced it with positive ones.
It can be easily done. The decision to keep those negative thoughts or to throw them out lies in your hand.
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 This girl probably has so many 'friends' because they're too scared not to like her. She knew that you were the only person who'd stand up to her so she got you when you were at your most vulnerable, which was cruel and pathetic. You need to stand up to her. Write her a letter telling her how you feel. Don't let on how much it hurt, tell her how it made you stronger. Tell her how pathetic what she did was and you know why she did it when she did it. But make sure she gets the impression that she didn't upset you and that you don't care. Then cut off all connection with her. Maybe she'll realise how awful what she did was and hopefully won't be proud, and her punishment will come when she tries to be nice to you and gets nothing back.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 The bully wins the moment you allow him to. In this case, allowing this type of negative thought and allowing her to get to you for this long is a 'win' in her column.
You were vulnerable, you were hurting. Allow yourself the chance to grieve and face this 'frenemy' thing with some kindness toward yourself.
There are beeaitches out there in the world, that is a fact, and it is toxic to you to let them get to you. Snap your fingers at her and think of all the good things about you. Write them all down if you have to. Every single thing you can think of. Visual your positive encounters with your good friends, people who truly care about you.
Giving this girl another moment's psychic energy is a waste, plain and simple.
My other comment on this is that your fantasy of other people's 'perfect' lives often turns out to be just that, a fantasy.
I have some friends who I lost touch with. I was always a bit jealous of them, they were like the perfect, beautiful people at school. They got married, had the 2 children and the dog and moved away. We drifted apart as people did pre-internet, facebook and all that, and I only recently discovered that their 'perfect' life was history. They'd split up, they wound up with the ordinary crap divorce and parenting does to you.
So don't believe that fantasy this frenemy and your imagination is presenting to you. Her life is not perfect, she is not perfect. You're getting the airbrushed version and you might as well realize that she probably has desperately unhappy moments just like you do.
I think this is more about your grieving your brother, and allowing this moment to ruin the memory of his funeral. Relive this moment in your head, only say all the perfectly cutting things you have thought up later, and begin to believe that version.
Sorry for your loss. Now get out there and don't let your inner regrets drag you down. Life is far too short, as you know.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Comfort yourself with knowing that the picture she paints for you to see doesn't have to be anything close to the reality. And in fact she is quite petty when she is still acting like a child and comparing who's "better". Let it go, she is definitely not worth your thoughts.
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