A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship for 4.5 years with a guy in the US Army. Last year he proposed, and I accepted, however, we have only ever met 3 times, but spend hours daily online and on the phone. What started out as two people with many similar interests and outlooks, has become more and more of a relationship between polar opposites. He has recently come over to Dubai for a 3 week visit with me and my family. His hygiene is terrible, his social awkwardness leaves me in despair, and I am so terribly disappointed in his lack of drive, lack of energy. I no longer know how I feel about him. I go from suggesting different ways to do things or say things, to telling him what to do, and I hate the way it sounds. He tells me that he wants to be a better person and doesn't see it as nagging, however I do not have the energy to run around after a 32 year old child, yet, I cannot turn a blind eye to certain things. He even suggested (in all seriousness) that I write a"to do" list or manual for him to follow in order for him be the man he should be. He says that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me...and I do not think that we have anything going for us. When asked what he thinks we have going fo rus in our relationship, his answers are: Good sex, you're a great cook, and you would make me happy.... The good sex part is non existent, as his general laid back lethargic attitude to everything is extended to the bedroom. He can go for about 3 minutes, and then loses it. It frustrates him, then frustrates me because I think it's me. He says it isn't, then tries to use his age as an excuse (32) which then makes me scoff because it's such a ridiculous excuse.I'm so confused, and I do not want to give up, however, I don't see any guarantees that things are gonna change....and is it even fair of me to ask him to change, even tho he says he's so determined to be a better person?? He has to want it for himself...not just to please me. Perhaps the issue is only with me...that I am too much of a perfectionist, and a control freak??/ I'm scared about the future and wonder if there is any point in me putting up with this for a while to see if it makes a difference before throwing in the towel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI ended it :) and I've never been happier...
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