A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend says she needs time to think about things because she still misses her ex. She says she loves me more than she has loved anyone but she still thinks we can't be together. I just found out that she has been calling him and meeting him. She said nothing has happened. Needless to say I'm pissed, do you think I should give her the space she says she needs and hope she comes back or just leave her in the dust. It seems to me like she just wants to have options.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): ok u've had the conversation - I would say forget about her. i've never understood why people get back together again (ok there's a comfort factor) but people break up 4 a reason & unless the reason changes I don't see why it will work again (if she comes back 2 u that is). I was in a similar situation & said goodbye - she went with him & broke up with him & I didn't want 2 c her again (i didn't want to be the plan B after the plan A didn't work out). good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding it was all good advice that I will consider. Last night I told her that if she was going to be seeing her ex than I wouldn't be around but I still love her and I will miss her.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (28 October 2008):
She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Don't allow it, she'll walk all over you. Sure, give her space, but don't wait for her. Meet other people and if sometime in the future you end up together then that's what happens. But don't sit around hoping she'll come back to you--get on with your life and be happy. Your happiness shouldn't be based on her, she sounds like a confused idiot.
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A
female
reader, sorscha22 +, writes (28 October 2008):
 she's living in the land of confusion! boo-hoo, does she need a tissue?? she has a good man infront of her, and she still wondering what to do with her old flame??!! obviousley she is still in love with him if she's calling him, and meeting him! it really depends on how deep your feeling are for this girl.. but i say... NEXT!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): I don't know what her personality is like but from my point of view she's not being truthful with you. If it wasn't a big deal her spending time with her ex then why couldn't she tell you about it? If she loved you more than she's ever loved anyone then why wouldn't she want to be with you?
That having been said I experienced a situation that somewhat relates. My current gf and I had started dating last april. We became very close after only a few weeks and she then out of nowhere told me she didn't want to be involved with anyone and that she couldn't see me anymore. Then about a month later she contacted me and told me that she was scared because every time she's ever gotten close she's been hurt and she felt that I wasn't as interested in her as she was in me. She appologized and after I was satisfied that she really meant what she was telling me then we started dating again. We're very happy.
Now I think there are two important things to keep in mind that are the differences between your situaiton and mine. My gf didn't have any any feelings whatsoever towards any other guy. After she ended things with me she didn't date anyone (in fact she turned several guys down). Secondly I didn't wait around for her and you need to do the same. Tell her "if you want some time to get your head straight then that's fine, but don't expect me to sit around and wait for you to make up your mind."
If you two do stop seeing each other and she wants you back make absolutely sure that she's not just coming back because she can't get anything else. Don't settle for being anyone's second choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): sad to say, im kind of in her position...lols but to be brutally honest with you and myself i think you should just let her go, theres not point in waiting for her when shes waiting for someone else. She loves you, yes. but she also loves him, no? i think just let her go, and in the end if she really badly wants you back and she is certain she doesnt have anymore feelings for the old or anyone new , then you ask yourself how much do YOU want her back& love her.
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A
male
reader, benefattore +, writes (28 October 2008):
 No, you don't. She should have had time to think about this already. I'd find somebody who knows WTF they want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): Hate to break it to you, but if she "loved you more than anyone" she probably wouldn't feel the need to get back in touch with him. You deserve better.
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (28 October 2008):
 You are very astute and observative in realizing what she wants! Go with your gut feeling!!
She wants options...let her have options. If you dont want to be with a girl who wants to play around with two boys, then move on and find someone who wants something closer to what you want!
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A
female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (28 October 2008):
 give her the space, that way she will have time to clear her head and think about what she wants. it will give her time to miss you.
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