A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OMG!! I really do not know what to do? My situation is cunning, baffaling and powerful. I am a 37 young African American Female who is a college graduate, hard working, intelligent, parent. Who tries to do the best in all situations. My problem is that I have been involved with my "Fiance" for 1 year and month now. Now let me mention that he is 10 years younger then me. I really do care about him, but it just seems like I am directing the blind. He is so nieve to responsiblities such as: bills, gas, house cleaning and budgeting. His only income is Annutity checks which was his benefit being he was in a car accident at the age of 14 yrs. old. So his income is not at all compariable to mine. As soon as he gets it is gone. Now the problem is that we just recently moved into a house in which everything that is used is based on a cost. Now he only sees that his responsibilty is just rent. NO! NO! NO! there is nothing included in here. So his inner child comes out where he does not want to pay bills, spend his money on materlistic things ect. ect.. I am so feed up that it is causing a great burden in our relationship. I am just wanting to give up but I am trying to engrave some responsiblites in his life but in turn it just seems like I am just wasting my breathe.I need help! I can go on and on and on but I have a lot to vent but for now I will appreciate any input given.
View related questions:
money, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Bell16  +, writes (30 December 2011):
Sister, I say ditch this fool! you sound totally fed up with him and you are not there to deal with a immature CHILD! HE either pulls his weight or leave because you already have a lot to handle and you don't need some 27 year old "brat" who's stupid enough to believe that it's just rent he's going to handle-he is in a relationship not in college! He either pays up or shuts up! You deserve a better guy who understands!
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 December 2011):
 He is 10 years younger, that makes him 27. Quite old enough to know how to be financially responsible and to be aware of how the world works.
his adult responsibilities should be well and truly engraved by now, it seems to me he will continue to act like a baby needing to be supported as long as you are willing to treat him like one.
Tell him to either man up or move out!
...............................
A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (30 December 2011):
 Thanks for talking about your issue. Your situation is unfortunate... but not uncommon. There are plenty of men (and even some women) who don't want to help out when it comes to handling responsibilities... especially paying bills.
I think age is not so much the factor. It's more about maturity. Because the truth of the matter is he's almost 30. I learned how to manage money as young kid (primarily because of dire situations)and I'm also 27.
Now you seem like you are exactly what you described about yourself... the hard part is getting him on that level.
Here's what you may want to try....
1. Talking with him. Have a serious discussion about his management of money- and how you need him to pull his weight when it comes to the bills. He needs to understand that you two are living together, and he should take some responsibility for not only using the utilities, but also being a man. He is not a child... and you are not his mother (** On that note: I'm not sure how his family life was, but it's also possible that he may view you as a parental figure head because of your age. Which is why he deferring to you to pay the bills- while he buy clothes, sneakers, or whatever).
2. Go to see a counselor together. If your relationship has any chance of lasting, he may need to see a therapist to work on his problems. Asking him to go alone may not work. So you are going to have to go together. A couples counselor can help you both work on any unresolved issue- and perhaps provide him with a fresh perspective in the relationship. The bottom line is: he's going to have to make some improvements... and soon. Especially with the new year approaching. I'm sure you don't want things to start off or continue down a bad path.
If things do not change you have to ask yourself... "could I really see myself staying with/married to this guy 5-10 years down the road (or longer) if things remain the same?"
Try also to create a list of pro's and con's... and decide if your relationship with him is worth fighting for.
Best of luck!
...............................
|
