A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi - where do i start?Ill try to be brief (lol)im over 35, seeing a Young Woman, 22we get along great, shes not a bimbo, very compatablesexually, shes stunning, adoring etcbeen together a year and shes living with me most days and at her parents home a few nights as its close to her universityi am separated, my x lives in a diff country, i visit every few months, platonically, to see my daughter (age 10) for a few days or week (break ups are hardest on them..)i have a divorce timetable of a few years and for a bunch of reasons including mental toughness, havent gone that final step yet but fully intend to, and am living proof of my plan in actionin the middle of my trip to see my daughter she has a panic attack due to misaligned jealousy.. a few days later..the night before i return home - she told me 'ill have dinner with my friends n maybe have a drink'- oh? with who?noone- huh?an old friend-a guy? whats his name?im not telling you-why?well hes an x-so you have slept with him???yeah but 5 years ago-WHAT?well i knew you would be like that so..-SERIOUSLY?eventually she concedes, my point, 'its not the who or the what exactly as the HOW im having to deduce and decern what is going on. your information is relucant at best. and certainly not that upfront.she finally admits, 'maybe its not a good idea'. i have no right to say 'your not able to see the guy' so i dont push it beyond 'any man learning this , in the manner in which i have, would not be that comfortable'i arrive home the next day, fun greating of course, everything is great and normal. eventually when the moment presents itself, i ask after her dinner and subsequently her "drink" -- she didnt have it she tells me (hmm oh okay no worries, i say)weird.fast forward a few days later to a 'sms' she sees on my fone from my x , where i say ''just wanted to skype with daughter and say hi to you' (im being friendly nothing more as far as she is concerned)she flips out. starts talking bout how that hurt her because im not being an asshole. well i reason, u are 'curiousity killed the cat here' because there is a rational explanation and three important factors1. i dont hide my fone, u know the code2. you told me you wouldnt do this again, invade my space3. there are no romantic links, friendly is a parent to parent level onlyshe says 'i do things every single day for you to show you im with you... how can you...i then counter, do you still have that guy from last summer who tried to start an affair with you blocked on facebook?she answers, 'no.Why?because i wanted to hurt you last week.huh?so you wanted to be visable to my competition??well he didnt contact me, so it proves hes not interested.thats so not the point, i said. you intented to cast a warning shot over my bow line saying passively, whatever, that you COULD contact him if you chose.then it turns into more evaluation of the original 'fight' followed by another revelation that the xbf she was gonna see, she intented to smoke some dope with him. only it wasnt to really smoke dope, it was to score some for her mom because her mom has chronic pain n medicine aint helpin her...huh?apart from the obvious 'wtf' and the fact my mom (she knows this) nearly died using dope in a car accident, so i dont touch the stuff and would not like to be fearful for anyones safety that i love - being interested in smoking once again (she had a 1month phase a few years ago, when depressed she smoked.. no judgement on that. simply not for me, n given my history combined with how happy she is right now wouldnt expect this. (exam week however and i do see the pressure is mounting on her studies wise so maybe...)i asked her, can i see the sms's u said you sent him ?she goes to show me, but they have been deleted.what do i make of all this?i unblocked him last week, when we
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affair, depressed, divorce, facebook, jealous, my ex, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): OP you are almost 40 and your lover is 22. She is childish and even thinks as a child.In her jealous mode watch she doesn't cheat on you just to show you a point, she nearly did this already.Your relationship is not stable.Too much drama.Bec of your age difference this will get worse.LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your replies.. we talked and she apologised for her 'lashing out' (intentionally wanting to hurt me)
things have improved as we work at being CRYSTAL clear about our feelings and intentions
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): She plays games. Pure and simple. I don't think anyone who loves someone would do anything to hurt the other person. If she loved you she wouldn't unblock someone in order to 'hurt' you. Especially when you haven't done anything wrong. But in her mind you have done something wrong. I would be nice to her but definitely stop having sex with her because she hides things from you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2011): thanks for your reply --well generally its a fairly mature relationship in terms of the collaboration we share with activities, or discussions are lively and not focused on ''hey did you hear the latest gaga song''...however i agree that her outlook def appears young, when u consider the things she is doing, i dont wanna be controlling however i also have to show im not gonna be a door mat eitherdo i tell her to stop these sorts of things because if there is a repeat, ill just leave her? she is very into me, talks alot about me being the One, etc (we are both in NO RUSH for any deep supercommittment in that way, i need to finish what ive started (divorce) she needs to finish 3 more years of university BEFORE we even begin to talk of such mattershaving said that we both care n love eachother and frankly it sickens me to think she would do such a thing as 'unblocking' this turd, to 'hurt me' - as honest as that statement was of her, i dunno what the motivation is to simply proove she can do something counter to what ive asked, or if there is more sinister inclinations to cheat
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 March 2011):
 Oh I get it! This one of those stream of consciousness narratives!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 March 2011):
 To me it sounds like this relationship is very childsish and very immature and I dont see a happy ending for the both of you. She is acting really childish and trying to hurt you because she is jelous. But she needs to accept that you have a daughter and she deserves to see her dad and I think it is very good and mature of you and her mother that you can be on a friendly level with each other for the sake of your daughter. Your girlfriend is only 22 and its clear she is not ready to be in this relationship, she is still young and cant handle the fact that you have responsibilities. I guess this is one of the troubles with the age difference between the both of you.
Sit down and talk to her, explain to her that you have responsibilities and that you are friendly with this woman because she is the mother of your child and that it would be unfair on your daughter if both of her parents where being nasty to each other. Tell her she needs to accept this or else there is no relationship. Goodluck.
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