A
male
age
41-50,
*anitysoul28
writes:I'm 29, my brother is 26 and he recently proposed to his girlfriend. I am very happy for them both, but also jealous.I have yet to have ANY woman be romantically or sexually interested in me and I don't have the guts to put myself out there to pursue women or express myself sexually. Meanwhile I've watched my little bro fight the ladies off with a stick since he was a kid. He's dated left and right for yrs. Now he's done with the game and is settling down, and I haven't even started. His advice is 'be youself' and 'when you meet the right one, you'll know'. Great. I know I'm not entitled to any kind of relationship in life, but are any of these feelings normal?
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female
reader, gelski  +, writes (23 August 2012):
hi sanitysoul,.why don't you look around,let say,in ur workplace,maybe the right girl is there..waiting for u to approach her or ask her out.find someone whom do you think,will make you happy.and dont ever compare yourself to anyone,you're unique in your own way :)) just be yourself and dont be shy to any girls,coz they dont care if ure shy,they do care if ure brave enough to talk to them.good luck and post the improvement of ur lovelife.
A
male
reader, sanitysoul28 +, writes (1 July 2012):
sanitysoul28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPresario2010 - I'm certainly hoping my brother has a long, happy marriage.
Anonymous 1 - I'm only really a pessimist about my love life. I'm working towards success in other areas.
Anonymous 2 - I try to work on building a social network in general, it isn't always easy.
Anonymous 3 - I've tried my best to improve my life in many areas, just my bro's engagement hit me strange.
PerhapsNot - Becoming a sexually aggressive hunter would be a brand new personality trait if I cant figure out how to do it, thats for sure. I don't seem to give myself opportunities to meet women my age, I dont have a group of friends I can socialize with. Up until now I've been, not a loner, just 'in my head'.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (30 June 2012):
 "I have yet to have ANY woman be romantically or sexually interested in me and I don't have the guts to put myself out there to pursue women or express myself sexually. "
If you don't have women lined up to pursue you, you have to realize that YOU yourself will need to be the man. You need to be the aggressive one, you need to be the pursuer. If you're too insecure and too shy to do it, guess what? You'll be 35 and still single wondering why you're still single.
If you're not a stud, if you're not confident, if you're not socially charming, you need to do the work. You can't expect to land some great woman if you just stand by and do nothing. Most women are not attracted to men that are just passively sitting there, expecting them to do the work, or too scared to make a move. Until you start approaching women, accepting the rejections that may come your way and continuing to be the "hunter", you will most likely be single.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): This sounds like my husband. I'm 29 and he's 38. He didn't lose his virginity till he was 27 and truly till his early 30's he says he had no game at all. Even after, he said he didn't have great 'game', but he found that when other people introduced him to women he fared much better than simply walking up to a stranger.
He went from a nerdy young man to a bit of a player. From what i know, he dated two strippers and had multiple women in his life. Over a five year period from 29-34 he blossomed and became confident. The rest just fell into place.
By 35 he was ready to settle down and met me. So, what I'm saying is that its not too late - focus on yourself. Get a strong career, workout, hire a shopper to help you pick a new wardrobe, go to counseling and work on your self-perception and confidence, make friends and have fun, join sport/activity clubs, travel...climb the corporate ladder. You can make some huge changes today and within a year find yourself in a very different place.
Just stop being so negative and hard on yourself. Focus on improving yourself first for a good year. Watch your brother carefully too, what characteristics does he have that helped him with women. Fake it till you make it. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): HiWell sitting sulking won't attract women. You and your brother are 2 different people, you and he will have different tastes. personalities. Just relax, he's right,be yourself. Go do stuff you enjoy, make yourself interesting if you like. There must be women you know who have friends so network. Treat them as friends but ask for their number if you like them.Nothing ventured and all that,be bold.So what if they say no, on to the next one!Confidence is attractive.Check out the bridesmaids at your brothers wedding!I was the one who had lads and men after me when young,I didnt try to impress It just was that way.My sister didnt get asked out till she was in her 20s. It caused a rift that has never healed sadly,she said I was always the popular one in every area. Very jealous.BUT she had everything going for her,she really did and just didnt realise it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2012): I know I'm not entitled to any kind of relationship in life, Who said so? you have to stop being so pessimist, if you don't love yourself and believe you're worth of being loved nobody will love you in return, people don't like being around pessimist people,besides not having a romantic relationship does not mean you're not able to to have any relationship at all, you probably have/had friends no? You're feeling a little envious of your brother, you could say that it is normalthere could reasons why you probably don't attract the ladies maybe you don't look approachable or don't have the courage to ask them out, you don't have good hygiene ( don't shower often enough, wear dirty, unflattering clothes)... maybe if you could provide the reasons why you think they are not attracted to you, we could help giving advice on how you could improve...You can meet people on speed dating, ask friends if they know someone to fix you up with ( I know those dates can go pretty awful, but at least you'll put yourself out there), try meet up.com you can meet people with similar interests, ps: "your brother may have all the luck with the ladies but he will probably get divorced in a few years marriages in the usa dont last" It sounded SO nasty, just be happy for your brother, every person is different do not compare your life to other people's there'll always be better looking, richer and more intelligent people than you in the world, just live the life you want to have, make it happen,don't sit on the couch waiting for the girl to knock on your door, go after her!
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A
male
reader, Presario2010 +, writes (30 June 2012):
Many guys go through this and some just are more succesful than others with the ladies but in no way does this mean that they are meant for eachother or that the marriage will last, i have seen this before and do not worry your brother may have all the luck with the ladies but he will probably get divorced in a few years marriages in the usa dont last and in time he will prove this as for you try online dating, speed dating, try to find out where girls come to you instead of the other way around
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