A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so sad and down. My boyfriend was away for a few weeks working and now he's back I don't know how I feel. I got together with him when I split up with a guy I'd been with for ages, quite quickly admittedly. I also don't like my job and am feeling old and skint and like I'm going nowhere so well, in addition to still living in the area I moved to with the ex - opposite him and his new girlfriend, so, well, lots of stuff to make me miserable, although I'm really trying to keep on top of it by decorating my little flat and things like that. My current boyfriend is quite a bit younger than me so I kind of expected a bit of immaturity but I'm not sure he doesn't take the p*ss really!! Everything feels new and exciting, like it does after 7 months, sex is good, he can be really sweet. He called me and emailed while he was away telling me he loved me and missed me, which was awesome although a little suprising if I'm honest. Thing is he can be shockingly insensitive at times and has a habit of "messing around" playing stupid jokes on me. Since he has come back he has thrown a glass of water on me while I was calmly minding my own business in the bath, chucked a pillow on my face while I was trying to sleep (he did apologise for this after I got annoyed at him) and worst of all, after I'd expressed an insecurity about us and confessed that I sometimes wonder if he's not going to break up with me, pretended to dump me and when I started asking why did he tell me all that stuff when he was away then and was really trying to hold back the tears, told me it was a "joke". Earlier on he called and said he'd been looking up stuff on the internet on how to ditch your girlfriend, kind of laughing as he said it. I don't find this terribly funny - am I suffering a lapsed sense of humour?? At other times he's affectionate but I don't want to look like an idiot here. Is this guy a c*ck?? I really don't know - if he just laid off all this sh*t, we'd be fine. I don't feel like I can talk about it with him. He's so vague and weird at times. I try so hard to not be down or insecure and try to be upbeat. I told him I was worried about going away with him and a whole bunch of people he knows as I feel a bit insecure and worried about "cramping his style" and he was sympathetic up to a point but tonight he just said "well don't bother coming then and just sell your ticket". I think I just p*ss everyone off because of my constant insecurities so I don't know who's in the wrong here. Help!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): I don't think your boyfriend is purposely being mean, and I don't think you have no sense of humor. However, I do think that some people are just not compatable. My husband and I say jokes like that all the time to each other. He says he's going to dump me if I get fat and I say I'm going to dump him if he gets bald. Now I'm a bit fatter and he's balding, but we're still together, and we're still happy. However, that your boyfriend doesn't realize comments like that you bother you, makes me think you would be happier with someone more serious and he would be happier with some more carefree and confident. You can't be everything to everyone and you shouldn't have to be. Just be yourself and find someone who fits well with that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Don't feel the way.Your boyfriend is quite immature and
doesn't care about your feelings.He doesn't listen to you,
he thinks everything is a joke and it's not.The world is getting quite serious these days,there are more horrible and evil people in the world everyday,we're at war with other countries,millions of people are killed everyday.Life
should be fun,but should not be taken so lightly that it
seems that we take it for granted.What if a fire starts at his house or his parents house?Is he going to joke about
that?What if he was diagnosed with a disease?Is he going
to joke about that?Those were just points I were making.Not
trying to scare you or worry you,I'm sure they won't happen.But I say DUMP HIM!He don't care about your feelings
and he's not willing to make the relationship work or become better for you and for him.So I say let him go!Men
need to grow up these days,don't they?!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): My ex-boyfriend used to make jokes all the time--not quite in the same way as yours, but similar. His jokes were all about how much superior he was to me and how everyone should bow down and worship him. I didn't realize until after I left him that he actually believed these things. Your boyfriend really might just be playing around, but the joke about breaking up with you was completely inappropriate. To me, it sounds like an issue of respect. If he respected you, he would take you a little more seriously when you express concerns about the relationship. Sit down and have a conversation with him and let him know how you feel. Let him know that if he doesn't cut out the pranking, he will be the one with the broken heart. Don't feel old. I know a lot of women still get married in their early twenties, but it is not the 18th century anymore and there is more to life than marriage. Many people are waiting until their thirties before tying the knot, and these marriages are much more likely to last.
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