A
female
age
,
*eargpd
writes:I am devastated! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We have been having relationship/financial problems for sometime. I just lost my job and cannot maintain household without his income. I am 3 months behind on my mortgage. He is working in another state - he says for financial reasons. I just found out he is on a sex site and i am afraid to break up with him because of my financial situation so I have not confronted him. What should I do?I can't believe he is doing this to me especially since I just lost my job and he knows I am depending on him.My whold world is crashing down on me; i.e., emotionally, physically, mentally, and monitarily! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 June 2009):
 You allow yourself a few minutes to cry, to sob, to really let it all out. Then you pull yourself together, and start planning. Don't let yourself be made helpless by shock or anger. Plan plan plan, then execute the plan. Go do what you know you need to do to get your feet under yourself again. You will feel a whole lot better when you take back some control over your life.
Get yourself some moral and mental support too; with a close friend or family member. Let someone know what is going on in your life so that you can cry on their shoulder, you can turn to them for a morale boost when you need it. You can't do this alone or in secret without putting yourself under even more stress. Don't be embarassed or shy about this: you need help! Ask for it!
So accept my sympathy for your situation--which is truly awful and not one anyone should go through--but then compartmentalize your emotions into a little box for the time being. Haul out your old spirit, your gumption, your go-get-it attitude. Draw on the resources you have, network, linkedin.com for example, get your resume out there. Contact your mortgage company, your bank, line up a payment plan with them. Face this challenge head on. Okay?
Divide this into the emotional--which you can deal with later--and the practical--which needs to be tackled with a clear head now.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (26 June 2009):
Problem: no money. Solution: get a job. Any job is better than no job at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): Well....since he is in another state, I don't see any reason to have to break up with him. You can avoid his calls and put off the break-up until you get a job and can afford your bills. I feel he deserves to be used in this way considering what he is doing.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 Your world may be crashing, but you can fix this if you set yourself to it.
It seems you would leave your boyfriend if you had a job. If so, then your problem is just finding a job. If not, if you wouldn't want to leave him even if you had a job, then that's your decision.
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