A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello, I have been married for the last 4 years and am having a child aged 2 years recently i had a talk with my husband and came to know that he was having an affair before marriage and he also had sex with her on listening to this my world came to a standstill the person whom i believed and trusted had cheated upon me, now i think i wont be able to love him and i feel angry and depressed upon myself why did this happen to me. What should i do now please help me as i cannot share this with anyone else not even with my parents as they think him to be the best son in law.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 Ahh...the occupational hazards of arranged marriages.
Look, whatever it is appears to have happened before he knew you. If it's been a happy married life so far, it might be advisable to forgive and forget.
If it hasn't been a happy married life then the issue isn't what he did before you got married anyway.
A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (19 September 2010):
you said that this affair was before marriage
and i assume that you mean that it was before you knew each other
and therefor dont bother your self with his past darling..
we live in the present and build for the future,
and to be honest with you do you relay know any person without a past ??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): I'm so sorry this happened to you... The same thing happened to me last month... I found out he cheated on me right before our wedding... i wanted to leave him... and hate him... and hurt him so bad for what he did... but i love him so much... and i gave him a second chance... cuz love is the greatest thing in all the world... and i know right now it seems so impossible to love him again... but give it a try... think of all of the sweet nothings that have filled your four years of marriage and atleast try to work it out... cuz you might regret just leaving him... he hasn't cheated on you since... and that is a very good sign... and i pray that he never will... i worry everyday that my husband is cheating on me again... but until he does... i will love him the best i know how...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): Leave the past in the past he is with you now ;)
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A
male
reader, s/r/b +, writes (19 September 2010):
i dont know why partners cheat! i mean if u love him a lot what is he searching outside .?
u know these kind of things r rising nowadays a lot. but u should take it to ur head not heart! i think he also love u & trust u thats why he told u? i mean who stupid will confess to his wife that he is cheating. so calm down, he is not going to go anywhere. he loves u & will be be loyal to u.
now what to do, dont spare him, he told u his position. now u tell him ur not able to digest this & u r willing to tell his mothr or father about this( believe me uski buri tarah phat jayegi). tell him u r not telling right now coz u love him but dont expect anything from u now..!
next, go for the kill, dont listen to him in first, talk with him like u r bothered to talk to him.(i know its not easy but u hv do it for u n ur child & for him also)
behave like u r least bothered abt him( but do not misbehave, it may backfire)
dont ask him things u daily ask, how is office, want to eat, not, what to make for dinner or what to wear. just let him understand that ifif he goes anywhere u will be stranger to him.
next.. u r hurt, sad & in bad mood,
then fall ill.! yes in front of him, show him u r deeply hurt, & its affecting ur health. dont complete home chores, let them incompelete & dont take his help. if he comes for help just leave. if he scholds a bit, use ur weapons, tears, yes start crying or sobbing.(but from within stay healthy & calm) this will hurt him emotionally. also, next time if he see a lady to flirt, ur face comes in front of his eyes straightaway.
do this for 3 days & see tension in his eyes. he will come to u & tell u he will not do this again.
after a lot of persuasion talk to him & just say that u love him more than anybody , but u cant stand even a whiff of infidelity between u 2. if he wnt smthing or not satisfied with something talk to u, & we will find a solution to that. but never do this again.
HE WILL BE URS, ONLY URS.
u too try to know what he is missing, u r his better half & should know what he wants .so these things do not emerge at all.
take care, & yes this is hindustan, yahan ke pyar me bohat takat h
ye choti choti bate bade bade shehron hoti rehti h..!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010): Firstly... I am sorry to hear of your situation. I understand your reasons for now wanting to share this with anyone but do believe this is what is holding you in a depressed and isolated state. You don't want to tell your parents because they think he is the best son in law - and so you have an investment in not telling them - to keep a situation 'happy' at least in everyone else's eyes. Why should you protect a mans reputation like this? By doing this you are denying your own feelings and actually creating a false reality. It is important that you come to a conclusion about how you want to go forward at this stage with your husband. Do you want to stay with him? If you cannot trust him or love him fully then the best resolution is to leave him. It might help you to start considering how your life might be if you did leave - to look at the practical things like money, a house and childcare. This might give you more strength to make a decision. However, unless you have told your husband the truth about how this has made you feel you have not tackled it at the root. After speaking to him give yourself some time. Your family will, I hope, support you with any decision you make. Your privacy is important but do not isolate yourself emotionally - sharing your bad times are just as important.
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A
male
reader, jimrich +, writes (19 September 2010):
FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILD.....
do whatever it takes to make sure your kids are raised by happy, loving, trustworthy, honorable role models.
Kids deserve and need the best parental role models you can give them.
Otherwise, give your kids away to someone who will raise them well!
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