A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30yo male. I have been in a relationship with a 29yo female for nearly 3 months now. Things started off great. Then one day, she suddenly txt me and said she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was assured there's no 3rd party involved.Few days later, she txt me and said she missed me. She also revealed that she actually loves me but she wasn't sure if she love me as a friend or as a partner and she needs time and space to figure that out.She just got out of a 10 yo relationship and her husband didn't treat her well and she was unhappy. She said I was totally opposite of what she was treated by her husband and she's taking time to adjust to that. She also said maybe I'm just a bit too nice to her and that's why sometimes she's confused if I'm her friend or lover.How do I change (my action) so I will come across more as her lover, not as a friend? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 I'm really sorry that you're going through this.
I don't know why people lie and cheat and treat others dirty, but the only thing we can do is move on and not act like that ourselves. I hope things start looking up for you soon.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionQuirkLady is right on the money there.
We finally broke up yesterday. We txt each other a lot everyday for the last few months and I noticed something was amiss last night so I drove to her place late last night and saw a taxi pulled into the driveway and a guy jumped out of it and they kissed etc. I knocked on the door, the door was unlocked she was hiding behind the door. and I opened it and she was hiding on the floor. She looked at me, shocked and confused and said 'leave my house now'.
This morning, she MSN me and and we talked and she admitted I'm one of her rebounds and she's sorry.
How can people do this? I did love her with all my heart. Now that I saw it with my own eyes, it makes it easier for me to move on.
I guess when I start dating again, I will try not attach to the person emotionally until few months later?
At least now I know it is her, not me!
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (3 April 2010):
It sounds like you're in a rebound relationship, and honestly, these types of relationships often don't work out. Your girlfriend is still carrying baggage from her last relationship. The only thing you can do is keep being you, and let her know you are there for her. But don't wait around forever for her to figure it out. You deserve love too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for the answers.
So the consensus is that I do not change, give her assurance that I'm her lover and give her time and space to adjust and if she decided that I'm too nice for her, then I may need to find another partner who will appreciate my niceness.
I also read up a few articles from a few dating websites about how to change from a 'friend' to a 'boyfriend'.
I'm not a player. I don't really buy into all those games. Or should I be a player and play the game differently to give her more assurance?
I really like her and she likes me too. She's just confused I guess!
Again, I can't thank you all enough to reply to my question. It helps!
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A
female
reader, tempertrap  +, writes (3 April 2010):
Don't change anything about yourself! unfortunately your going to have to give her time and space to figure out what she wants.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 April 2010):
Don't change. It's not you who was hurt, it wasn't you who walked out. And you were in no way treating her badly. It's up to her to get over her previous pain and adjust to that. Do not change. Just continue to reassure her that you are very much her lover and that she is important in your life. The key is reassurance and a lot of communication between you two. But don't change. That's not what you're there for. You are there because you are who you are.
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