A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for over 20 years. Sex life has been a bit hit and miss down through the years, mostly due to her low sex drive. Leading up to Christmas, we'd been arguing a bit and hadn't had sex for about 6 weeks. The arguement started over sex (or the lack of it). Anyway, a few weeks ago, we had a kind of a showdown discussion about it and I told her what my fantisies were. One was oral (which she gives me no problem) but I'd like her to let me cum in her mouth. She said she would find that disgusting, it ain't gonna happen and I accept that completely. (I give her a lot of oral too by the way and we both really enjoy it.She uses a regular vibrator and we incorporate it into our love making. Some time ago, to spice things up a bit more, I bought her a rampant rabbit. She says she's only used it a few times. She doesn't (or won't) use it with me. I told her that night that using the rabbit with her was also a big fantasy for me and she said that was no problem. There were one or two other little fantasies as well and none of them was gonna be a problem. She seemed desperate to have us back having sex and I felt she would have agreed to almost anything, going forward. So a few nights ago, she got all dressed up in lingerie for what was going to be a great night of sex. Everything was going great until I produced the rabbit. She didn't really want to use it and said she didn't really remember saying that we would use it. I had expected this (she often promises things sexually in the heat of an arguement but will backtrack sometimes, when it comes to it). She said that some things are private and she didn't want to use it with me. She said we could use the ordinary one but I really wanted to use the rabbit. She accused me of being a bully (which hurt), we had a huge arguement and she ended up throwing the rabbit against the wall. Needless to say, we didn't have sex.I just can't figure this situation out. Am I expecting too much? Any idea what's behind it? Will it always be like this? As a fantasy, I didn't think I was asking too much but it appears I was. Any opinions or advice?
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 Maybe she gets off big time on the rabbit and is worried it might hurt your feelings? Well, that is why I don't let my man play with the rabbit anyway lol.
Anything else, (and we have a variety of toys) fine, I have no hang up's, pretty much nothing is out of the question in our sex life,... but for his own sake, not the rabbit, ...uh-uh, I dont want to risk bruising his ego needlessly.
This is not a neg dissing on you (or my man for that matter) but no penis has a rotating head, rotating beads in the shaft, can vibrate, thrust, and get your g spot and your clit all at once, etc. Just can't! That said, I would still rather have sex with my man than play with a toy that has no body or emotion attached to it. Maybe she does too?
If she was self conscious using it in front of you tho, then chances are her mind will be distracted and you would not get to see her in ecstacy anyway - so I don't think there is any point pushing this one coz the circumstances will diminish the result anyway. Why bother causing tension between you over it.
Honestly tho, rabbits are actually not intended to be thrusted in and out so it's not really like you can do anything if she inserts it except watch. Some have thrusting shafts tho - but if yours doesn't and either of you did that action manually, the bunny ears would prob hurt most people being repeatatively moved against them. It really is not the best 'couples' toy.
As for the not swallowing, I think you are in a long que of men who just have to accept that a lot of women won't do it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Thanks Faraday. I think that's possibly the problem also. I asked her if that was the case and her reply was that it was different. I felt she was being deliberately vague.
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A
male
reader, Faraday +, writes (28 February 2010):
 I wonder if the rabbit is SO effective that it sends her into paroxysms of ecstasy that she doesn't want you to witness?
She could lose control so completely as to embarrass herself and would rather keep it private.
Otherwise, no idea, sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Thanks Laura. Unfortunately, what you say is true. I just thought that, as fantasies go, it was fairly low on the scale and not too much to ask.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2010): Thanks for reply. Why do I want to use the rabbit with her? I think it's because I've heard and read that they give incredible orgasms and I want to see her in a state of ecstacy that's beyond what she normally experiences.
And the reason she was desperate to have sex I think was that I think she knew that we are having problems in that area and that this might eventually lead to worse marriage problems. It happens every now and again. But we return to the normal state of things shortly afterwards.
Hope that explains things a bit better.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 It takes two people to agree and if she does not want it , there is nothing you can do about it.
If you insist on it, you are not respecting her decisions but also rejecting her . She feels rejected and she will have no mood for sex.
She needs to be happy and going along with her opinions is the safest route.You validate her opinions and self.
You will have to tone down your fantasies to suit her taste.No one likes to be forced to do something against their will.
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