A
male
age
,
*hezling
writes:My wife is wonderful and we have a good sex life, but she won't let me go down on her. Or at least it hasn't happened in many years. She says she just doesn't like it, but its a real turn-on for me. Any advice?
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male
reader, chezling +, writes (17 February 2010):
chezling is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo all who've replied to my question:
Thanks so much for all of your input into this. We've gotten to nearly 28 years of marriage by talking and chatting and discussing issues that affect our relationship. As usual, its communication, with some special romance thrown in, that leads to solutions. I am indebted to you all for your candor and advice. I'll put alot of what you all have said into action. Peace.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Some women have negative perceptions or strong inhibitions about that and it is not easy to convince them or to change their minds about it.
You can try to convince her but if she does not bulge from that position , then you just have to live with it.
You need to respect her opinions and rights.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): Wow! My ex never wanted to do that to me. He used to make me feel like he was doing it out of duty. Didn't exactly make me feel attractive. I love it! I want to find a guy that loves it too :)
ANYWAYS, to get back onto the subject. I guess if she doesn't like it then it's a personal choice of hers and you have to respect that. Maybe if you complement her and make her feel attractive and sexy (even though I'm sure a guy like you already would) she might slowly change her mind.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Girl-e-girl +, writes (17 February 2010):
Originally, I also, like a lot of women, didn't like receiving oral. But, I think it has to do with 2 factors: not being totally confident with your body image (especially down there), and just not liking it.
With me it turned out I was in the first category, but it took my fiancee's patience and care to get me to enjoy it.
Possible way to get her to try: just ask to see it, not to touch her, or play, just to see it. This will be a good indicator as to whether its a self image thing or just not liking it. If she doesn't want to, its the former, if she does let you see it, its gonna be the latter. You should hope for the 1st.
Try to convince her gently by making her as comfortable as possible, which includes dimming the lights to almost dark. Play attention to all her body, and kiss everything- tummy, legs, chest, thighs, back, you name it. Get her to feel how much you love her body, and she'll get the message, and it will improve body image. It works best if you can just say how gorgeous and beautiful she is while you work your magic.
After doing this for a few times, she should be getting more comfortable, so hopefully she'll finally let you see her private area, of course without much touching, just make sure to go all around kissing, and gently stroking, until she's really comfortable. Then you can just ask if you can pleasure her, and just tell her to tell you what she likes. Get her engaged, so that she's still in control of her private area, and won't feel invaded.
Eventually she might grow to really enjoy it.
I hope this helps, its the technique my guy used, and it worked within 2 months.
Best Wishes!
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Read this one:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-advice-do-you-have-about-giving-and.html
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (17 February 2010):
OK, folks- your MISSING the point... He wants to spend some time down there- she's saying no. That's a problem. As lovers we all need to have a certain willingness to accommodate reasonable requests from our partners... he's not wanting to have her do something gross, painful or dangerous. He wants to go down on her... all she needs to do is lay back and enjoy it, or at least tolerate it. If she get's nothing out of it, she should be getting pleasure that she's allowing him pleasure... but she's NOT. That's selfish in a dangerous way- what does she have to lose? Nothing... he's being denied pleasure. She really needs to think this over- it's a sign of a thoughtless lover.
You sir, need to make your needs be known- she needs to review the impact failing to accommodate such a simple request could have in a relationship where the partners are supposed to be good, loving and game...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): When you say,' or at least it hasn't happened in many years' So that means she has let you, did she enjoy it then? Or do you need to change what you are doing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): I think you have to accept that some women just don't like it. It has nothing to do with how skillful you are or anything else they just don't like it. I don't like it at all and am in my late 40's and have had quite a few partners all desperate to go down there and even with all their techniques it still did nothing for me. For me it feels like the invasion of a private area and being in the older generation perhaps I just can't let myself go and enjoy it. I would personally concentrate on other areas of sex that your wife enjoys otherwise you may start to annoy her and she will become less willing in other areas and resentful.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (16 February 2010):
Over 50 and still willing to go down? Still calling your wife wonderful?! You sexy thing you..!
Ok seriously, when my ex wanted to get me into oral, during lovemaking he once asked just to see it. He kept insisting he wouldn't do anything.... Ofcourse my hands were ready in a guarded position to ward off any sudden invasions, but he was too quick for me. Without warning, he just pinned my hands firmly by my sides and just dug his tongue in there working his magic; ravaged me basically!!! Ever since then I won't even look at a guy if he won't go down.
Ok, again, seriously this time, google sites that discuss technique. Women don't like teeth, dryness, rough licking or pulling down there. Women like a lot (and I mean a lot) of wetness. Also, don't focus directly on the clit but rather around it as it can be too sensitive. Occasionally going over it is fine but don't concentrate entirely on it. Different women like different things so you will need to experiment and see what she likes. So brush up on technique then try the lunge thing; you just might become her slave! Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, CBell  +, writes (16 February 2010):
It may be possible that as she has aged she has become more self consious down below. Make her feel appreciated by kissing her body, then lower down to her vaginal area, hopefully she will get causght up in the passion that she will allow you to go down on her.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (16 February 2010):
 it really is a case some women just dont like it! you can telll her how it turns you on and that youde like to do it but other than that their isnt anything you can do other than live with the fact she doesnt like it! perhaps find something else that turns you on that you both like many things to do and try :)
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