A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:wife will not take a bath it has been a month now,I have said in past, time to take a bath, she says leave me alone. I am tired of it, no sex cause of this, she smells leave the room and the sink stays, what to do other then leave. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2020): In sickness and health...richer or porrer....Dude she is sick and needs help.What kind of man are you to leave her when she is this sick? Are you not educated in the least?She needs to see a doctor now. I just hope you comes to your senses before it is too late.Call the doctor now.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (12 January 2020):
 It could be a variety of reasons but 2 thoughts come to mind. 1. She's depressed and needs to get some help. If she is your age she could be going through menopause and that really affects some women. 2. Is she avoiding bathing to avoid you???
I feel sorry for you because its not easy living around someone that doesn't take care of themself. My ex husband was an alcoholic and got to the point where I had to beg him to shower. UGH..but please before you assume try and get her to seek medical help. The problem may be far deeper than what you realize.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (12 January 2020):
 Very few people will just not have a wash, shower or bath for such a long time. Even most people with depression will have some form of wash/shower/bath once a week or fortnight, depending on how long it takes for them to consider themselves smelly enough to overcome the depression. It's highly unlikely that it's just to avoid sex with you, though that may be part of it.
The likelihood is one or more of the following:
- depression
- early onset dementia
- other health issue that affects mood
Try to encourage her NICELY to go to the doctor. If she won't, you go and talk to a doctor about her behaviour.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2020): [EDIT]: Typo corrections
"Some women feel ashamed of their bodies, as they age."
"Consulting with the family keeps things out in the open; and you will get the input and suggestions of others who care as much for her as you do."
I would recommend that you call your primary-care physician and ask for advice as well. She could also develop yeast, bacterial, and fungal-infections from extended lapses in personal-hygiene.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2020): I think your wife is suffering from a mental-health disorder that requires professional-attention. It might be the early onset of dementia.
As some women age, their sex-drive may plummet; or sex could be painful due to vaginal-dryness. Some women feel ashamed of their bodies, as the age. Having sex then becomes embarrassing or shameful. A woman of a certain age sometimes decides sex is no longer a need as an aging-female; finally she feels she has the right to refuse it. If she doesn't, or never has, enjoyed sex; she has the right, it is her body. Most women are too loving to be that inflexible; and they submit to their husbands. I guess it's up to her any way you look at it. Then she shouldn't expect to maintain a happy marriage, or a faithful spouse; if her husband still wants sex. It's hard to pick a side; because intimacy is an integral part of marriage. Just shutting someone off is a huge step to take; and you shouldn't be surprised of the ultimate consequences.
In your wife's case, she is refusing to bathe; and that might be somewhat of an extreme measure just to avoid sex. I don't think that has anything to do with sex. She has to feel miserable; unless she is mentally-ill. Trust me, she can smell herself! She has a nose too! If it doesn't bother her, it could only be because she is not well. There is discomfort that comes with the feeling of uncleanness; from the accumulation of sweat, body oils, and dead skin cells that form crusting. I'm so sorry to be so graphic, I mean it only in a clinical-way.
You can't force a person to have sex, if they don't want to. If you can't persuade her to go to the doctor; and she is becoming obstinate and unusually stubborn. Perhaps she may require hospitalization. If you have grown-children, or she has siblings; you may want to gather the family, and come to a group-decision on how to approach getting her treated for mental-illness. You may have to compel her to submit to treatment.
That may not be a decision you would want to make alone; because you are biased. You've combined the issue of not wanting sex with you, and her refusal to bathe. One may have nothing to do with the other. Her family or your children may object fiercely; if you make the unilateral-decision to institutionalize your wife. Especially, if they are aware of any marital-problems you are having! Such dastardly-undertakings have been attempted by men against their spouses for all sorts of unconscionable-reasons! Suspicion is justified!
Having her hospitalized for psychiatric-evaluation should not be done as an act of vengeance or retribution. People don't just decide to stop bathing; there's usually something wrong. Even pressuring someone or forcing someone to do something against their will can cause them to snap. That's a form of domestic-abuse, and that's a crime!
Dear sir, I'm not accusing you of anything! I'm only suggesting that you may not realize how fragile her mental-state may be at the moment, or what the underlying cause is. It's better to urge her to see a mental-health professional.
Consulting with the family keeps things in out the open; and you will get the input and suggestions of others who care as much for her as you do. It would also be good for your conscience knowing whatever difficult or unpleasant decision you must make; you'll have the backing and support of in-laws and/or your children.
She may not appreciate bringing family into it; because it will be humiliating for her that everyone is aware of something so private, but she doesn't leave you much choice.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2020): Obviously she is mentally sick . Do you have any kids? If you do, have a talk to them and see if they can convince her or to talk to a doctor. Also most importantly talk to her not about the bath issue in particular but on other family topics and see if you can get out of her what her problems are. I am not a psychiatrist but I venture to say considering your age group this might have to do with the onset of menopause or she must be extremely stressed or even having a nervious breakdown. I am sure the female readers here can give a much better advice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (12 January 2020):
 Two thoughts came to me as I read your post. Firstly, your wife sounds like she may be depressed. Can you persuade her to go and see a doctor to discuss why she has no motivation to get/keep clean?
Secondly, is it possible she is intentionally avoiding bathing as a way of avoiding having sex with you? Does she actually WANT to have sex with you or has it become a chore? Does she ENJOY sex with you or is it all on YOUR terms?
...............................
|
