A
male
age
41-50,
*teGan
writes:I saw someone had a similar issue as this a few years ago. But I wonder if anyone had any current advice they can give me. My wife and I have been together for 4 years and recently tried to spice things up by me agreeing to a 3sum with another male. However when it happened she just seemed to get carried away and she let the other guy do anal. Something she has always refused with me. She has appologised and said she got carried away. But does anyone have any advice on how to get passed this? As it's made me in readily jealous.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): You can't agree to cross one line and then say there are no more lines to cross and have it all your own way. If you play this type of game(as I have)then you must be prepared to sometimes, loose. How can you expect to keep your rules and still control how it all goes fitting to only your heady fantasy. There are now 3 heads full of fantasy,and It can be an intriguing and inviting lifestyle but often creates situations that were never part of the plan. Play if you are all in agreement and have fun but remember, none of you can control the outcome of the game, bit like russian roulette.
Ouch!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): "I think she just sees me more as her partner. And doesn't want to do things like that with me."
Not fair. Not fair at all.
If she does not want to indulge her wildest sexual feelings with you then she should not be in a committed relationship with you.
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A
male
reader, SteGan +, writes (27 August 2014):
SteGan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt was her idea. But a mutual decision. I don't know why she let him and not me. And I'm not sure she knows either. He was very large below. Which I thought would have made her less likely. So I guess it was just lost in the moment.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (27 August 2014):
 So is this threesome just limited to a male or you get the opportunity to be with another woman? Also whose idea was this threesome? The answers to this will tell you whether you are right to be upset. Sound like your marriage is on the rocks if you cannot get over the fact your wife felt so free with another man whether it was a moment of passion or simply she this is not her first experience. Either way you agreed to open the door and there is no going back.
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A
male
reader, SteGan +, writes (27 August 2014):
SteGan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for advice and thoughts. I think it is something I will just have to get over as she has made it clear that she just got lost in the moment with his dominance and just let him do what he wanted. It isn't a size issue. As he was actually larger than me. I think she just sees me more as her partner. And doesn't want to do things like that with me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): Maybe it's a good thing. To be jealous for your mate is healthy. It's just an indication that though you wanted to spice things up; there is still something just between you and her, that you just aren't willing to share. Certain moves another man would make toward your mate, that seems too intrusive on your intimacy. It cuts to your core. It is also territorial.
You have a right to feel offended. Then again, you don't.
You wanted to get freaky. Now so does she.
It's now done, but now you aren't able to move forward. You made this bed, now lie in it.
Now you feel she gave too much. It wasn't what she did, as much as why? Am I even close? You aren't as open to it as you thought.
Thus are the perils of open-relationships. When you venture into alternative life-styles, you have to be prepared for the unexpected my friend! How far is too far? Unless there is a set of rules and guidelines.
The problem with that is, the list of rules starts to grow. Be that the case, you never should have gone there in the first place. As her husband, the rules are set in your heart and mind; you've come to this point; because your dick thought it was a good idea. Now you're brain is crying foul. You feel robbed.
Maybe it's time to step back into the more traditional-side
of your sex-life; and find ways to spice it up without outsiders. Or, just get over it.
The dangers of polyamory, is that another party may step in; and be able to push a button in your partner, you feel should be off-limits and available only to you. She didn't let you before; because you may be too big, or now she is a lot less inhibited about it. The right buttons were pushed,
and she was ready.
Now go back and rethink this whole situation and why you decided to go this route. Was it to allow you both sexual freedom, or just you? You forget some responses are spontaneous; so if there was no rule against anal; she has now been reprogrammed and her thinking has been reconditioned to be open to anything. Mainly because going as far as you have so far; you've now crossed the threshold to be less inhibited. You opened that door, now you want to run back?
If you were positioned in the right place, at the right time; it might have been you instead.
Well, she can't deny you now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): A lot depends on the circumstances. People do get carried away in threesomes and that is part of what is attractive about it. If anal is something that she is willing to do with multiple other guys (past or present) but not with you then I think you have a reason to be annoyed. You are being punished for caring more about her than the other guys did. That is a common problem with women who have not always respected themselves. If she is normally against it (past, present, etc) but really did get carried away in the threesome then I would try to let it go. Chalk it up to being at the wrong place and time. If you had tried anal right at that moment during the threesome then it might have been you instead of the other guy who go to do it with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): Try to get her to get carried away again but with you only and let you do anal if that's bothering you, of course she's free to refuse.
OP if it was a double penetration situation then that's not really anal, forgive my crudeness but in that situation he got the junk hole and you got the sweetness.
OP I'm really not the kind of guy who would allow an other man screw my wife in any way. So part of me thinks you got burned by thinking you'd be okay with it.
You pretty much got burned by your own assumption that it wouldn't happen. But a threesome is pretty wild, all bets are off when you're letting the woman you love suck another man's dick.
In swinging they make rules, in the threesomes I had we made it clear things that wouldn't happen. For example not using the same condom on both girls etc.
The solutions I see are; you get her carried away enough again to let you do it (don't ask or pressure, it has to feel like the right thing to do in that moment), you ask for a mff threesome to balance things out (a double blow job has a nice way of making things like this a little better) or stop thinking of it in terms of something she gave him that makes him somehow more special than you because it means nothing of the sort.
After how your first time went it's probably not a good idea to go for another but lying back having two women straddle you on both ends is a lot cooler than having a faeces covered penis.
If it was DP then you really need to get over it. He had nowhere else to stick it and you got the better deal in that situation.
With all due respect though, OP, you wanted spice. This is spice. Accept her wishes if she doesn't want to do it again and see if you can sometime get to her to go that wild again, who knows maybe in a mff one she'd go wild enough to let you enter there.
There's is also the possibility of picking a fantasy you'd like to play out, BDSM, role play things like that and have that as something that would make up for it. OP you can use this playfully to convince her to do other stuff if she's completely against anal with you. Not manipulation but a little extra incentive to wear a nurses uniform or a nappie or whatever you're into.
OP this is kind of mostly your deal here, she didn't do anything wrong and you know it, so find compromises that will satisfy your jealousy but in a dignified and respectful way.
If you ask me it's kind of a good thing this happened because you now know how wild your woman can get. Which means the sexual possibilities are pretty great.
So choose, OP, either obsess over a minor detail or see the opportunity you have here to truly spice things up. Sounds like she'd up for almost anything, and if not gently reminding her she owes you one might get you something even more fun.
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A
female
reader, Lonely 81  +, writes (27 August 2014):
Jealousy! This is the big problem with bringing in someone eles. My partner has suggested a threesome with another girl a few times and the idea scares me silly. trust and jealousy are tricky. First thing you need to do is find out all the things that made you feel this way. From the question, the main thing seems to be that she went further with this other guy then she has with you. If this is the only problem then is should be easy fixed. Find out if she liked the act and what it would taken to get her willing to do it with you. Dont let it worry you that she hasnt with you yet or that the other guy was there first. You are her husband, the love of her life. The other guy was just a fantasy played out. I am sure you get upto stuff in your fantasies that you dont do with your wife. But there are no reasons why your wife cant play out her fantasies with you? Is there?Just work out what you need and talk to her, this might turn out pretty good in the end!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): Let it go. You guys had a wild night and threw caution to the wind. She was in the moment and when we have thrown caution out and submitted ourselves to the moment... we might do things that are out of character.
If you really have to, you two can discuss why she was able to let go completely in that momebt but not with you. But don't be judgemental.
Hell, be passionate. Make her feel like she is the only person on Earth who gets your motor running.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): I think the fact you both agreed to a threesome was already pushing it. Your anger is pretty much based only on your ego - someone else got to do anal instead of you. I'm surprised your ego wasn't hurt just from seeing your wife have sex with someone else. What's done is done. No use guilt-tripping your wife or getting fussy with her. All you can do is let the incident pass. Let time do it for you while you remain civil with your wife. She's not the only who played a role in this getting out of hand. Perhaps you two shouldn't welcome a third party into your marriage/relationship in the future. It's your marriage that is at stake. You are the ones with everything to lose if the threesome went wrong (which it did, surprise, surprise) - not the third party.Don't let your sexual fantasies get the best of you.
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