A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife is pregnant with our third child. We've been married for 13 years.Over the years I've been constantly trying to spice things up in the bedroom and failed. She always seemed satisfied with the simple wham bam. She claimed to be open to anything but it always felt one sided and I eventually gave up.About six weeks ago I was innocently looking through our Internet history (trying to find a link I had lost) when I discovered that my wife was watching porn every day when the baby is taking his late-morning nap.After a few hours of feeling terrible about it, I confronted her. I wasn't aggressive in any way, I simply let her know that I saw it and that it hurt me.For the next week we barely spoke.Eventually I expressed to her how I felt- rejected, unworthy, insufficient. I asked her- if she was looking for something more, why not explore it with me? Why should we both be frustrated when we could be trying to satisfy each other? Am I not enough?She apologized and said she understood how i felt and that if it was the other way around, she'd feel terrible. She said I was definitely good enough for her and that it was something she looked at out of curiosity and sometimes just to "scratch an itch" because she's always so tired by the time I get home. She promised it didn't mean anything.I forgave her and we moved past it.Or so I thought.I now found out that she is still doing it every day. I don't know what to do anymore. Do I say something? Do I let it slide? How can i get over the feeling that I'm not good enough?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): Why don`t you get some of these books and WITH your wife discuss AND try out some of the exercises to spice things up for your pregnant wife.
http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Sex-Book-Therapists-Fulfillment/dp/1564580636
http://www.amazon.com/Joy-Sex-Timeless-Lovemaking-Ultimate/dp/0307452034/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260402435&sr=1-2
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): *laughing hysterically*! You want her to only receive pleasure only when you are giving it? That is not possible. ALL people, including you, masturbate and have you ever asked her permission to wank? You are being completely unrealistic about dealing with this. The anger is understandable but your way of dealing with it now that you know, is not going to solve the problem. The reason she asks for her wham bam is probably because you don't take your time with her. I had the same problem with my ex when I would spend so much time trying to get out of his dick's way so we could foreplay more, but he would be champing at the bit just wanting to get it in there, then I ended up giving in and from then on, I used to rush it and fake an orgasm just to get it over with, then enjoy my porn later at a more leisurely pace. She is as sexually frustrated as you are!!!! One day when she is rushing it, why don't you take control and slow things right down and take time to explore her body and lots of wet oral? Listen here, did you come here for us to agree with you about how selfish she is or do you want to solve the problem?? We are trying to help you find a solution by telling you the reasons why women do this; its more common than you think. She is being as selfish as you are when you ask her permission to jack off over the porn you see at work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): How long has this been going on? The fact that she apologized and promised not to go there again, and then did, is a red flag of addiction (loss of control). If it has developed to that point, I sincerely hope it hasn't, she will need help. You can find information on this at npsupport.net I will forwarn you that most addicts on the sight are male and the spouses are female. You can get an understanding of what the classic symtoms are.Know this, as an ex of a porn addict, I understand completely the sexual frustration and feelings of rejection. It is not easy to understand this addiction. I truly hope your wife has not progressed to this point, but I wanted to share the info with you just in case. Either way, you have no control, that is completely in your wife's hands. I hope she stops neglecting you and realizes what she is doing to her family!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): This is a huge betrayal and she is still lying to you. if she got caught by you the first time and then stopped it would be one thing but she continued. I feel that these posts would be completely different if your wife was a man. it ia biased and sick. if this hurts you, you have told her and she still continues to do it then there is something wrong. everyday is exessive and to me becoming an addiction. stop it before it goes to far
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. I appreciate you taking the time.
I'd like to add a little bit more about this though-
Part of me is angry at her for keeping this from me even after it hurt me so much.
I'm also angry at the fact that she'd spend whatever little time and interest she has in sex without me. I go about my day frustrated sexually while she is taking care of herself.
My god, that thought just made me feel even more inadequate.
On the other hand, she's an adult and she can do whatever she wants. Who am I to demand that she share this part of her?
On the other-other hand, I'm her husband. Who else should she share this with?
I want to tell her- Hey, why don't you do it and film yourself for me? That would be great for both of us. But I know that this is something she does for herself and won't want to share with me.
sorry for the rambling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): Most guys would be happy if there wife was watching porn usually its the other way around men watch porn all the time. My ex watched porn everyday couple hours at a time even. I wasn't mad about it I just teased him and made him show me what he was watching and we watched it together. My ex did it as a stress relief. Maybe she's watching to get some ideas and see how other women have sex I have done that before. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Don't make her feel bad. Instead of getting upset try to understand why she's watching it. If your cool about it I'm sure she will be more open to tell you why.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): When you are pregnant, your hormones rage out of control. I promise you, all you want is sex and more sex. The porn is just to get aroused, climax and be over it without going out and cheating with a real person. Trust me, you are enough for her. But if she keeps doing this, instead of taking the defensive approach, maybe you need to look at what type of porn it is, and try some of that stuff with her. Her getting off on porn is no different from how YOU sometimes just wank in the bathroom with those nasty images in your mind.... Afterward you don't think about it, you get on with your loving and that's it. Same thing. I remember I watched porn while pregnant and would climax several times then when my husband came home I would also want sex with him. After pregancy I have not been on porn sites in years. She is just meeting a biological need in the safety of your home so just get over it. She might find you a little more sexy if you took it up as a challenge rather than a threat. Your worry maybe that she is looking at the men with the huge dicks hoping you were like them? With women its not like that. If my average sized husband at home is giving me good oral and trying to please me, those big black dicks are nothing to worry about. I am satisfied with a man who makes sure I climax FIRST before he does. That's the secret to a happy wife. If she climaxes within 20mins she is faking, slow things down and let her enjoy and let her feel comfortable with saying what she would like. Huge plus if you tell her how her pregnancy has made her so sexy instead of whale jokes... I'm waffling now :-) good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 December 2009):
I think you are good enough. I just think she's tired, or maybe very shy in the bedroom. Try asking her if there is anything else you can do for her (other than sex), to try and take the burden off her a bit. It must be quite difficult being pregnant and having two other kids. Maybe if you could help out a bit more, she might have more energy. Also, continue to suggest things in the bedroom, but also find out what she likes as well. Maybe she's just shy and doesn't want to say anything to you. But I think the tiredness is getting to her as well, so try to help out a bit more at home if you can.
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