A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 2 years. My wife has 3 young childfren from a previous relationship, but was never married. The past year and a half we have had no sex life, maybe every 3 or 4 months. She wanted me to be aggressive and go after it, and I am passive and waited for her to ask. She now tells me I should see other women just for sex, to get experience and bring it back. I find this very hard, this is cheating, I would get very upset if she was with someone else.What should I do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have sat and talked wife my wife at length recently. She is currently going back to school and also working part time, as well as being a mother. She says I need to hold on for 2 more years until she finishes school, she says things will be better then. I am a very down to earth and stable person, she is also looking into the future, a very dreamy person. I will continue to do the best i can and just hope things will turn out ok in the end.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 December 2008):
 Wow, you sure can see who wears the pants in your family! Buddy, keep going to that counseling and if it isn't helping you then switch to another one until you get the help you need. You need to get that self esteem built up. Your marriage is falling apart and it has only been two years! I wonder why your wife doesn't see the need for some help, she obviously isn't happy with the situation. Doesn't look good, I'm afraid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses. I have tried counseling, I went myself, she does not think she needs it. I always do anything and everything she asks, I can not seem to make her happy. I try to be a little mre aggressive and ask for it more, but she justt rolls over. She just gets mad and I get sad !!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 As is often the case, I agree with Eyeswideopen. It seems very odd that your wife suggested you sleep with other women just because she wants you to gain experience and have sex more often, and then initiate the sex, instead of waiting.
Also, I have trouble with another point. If you wait for the woman to ask for sex, well, all she needs to do is ask for it. Why hasn't she asked for it more than four times last year?
On the other hand, there is also something that doesn't fit into the picture. I see you like her to take the initiative. But, since she has done that only four times last year, what have you been doing the rest of the time? If she never asked, would you go sexless forever?
I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg. I think that here we have a couple who has no sex after one year of marriage. This is the first thing you need to solve. Why is this happening?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2008): Talk to her, explain your feelings, make it clear that you consider this as cheating and are not comfortable with it. Make it very clear that you also do not want her to experiment with others. Communication is very important.
I do believe you will both benefit from counseling. Please suggest it to her in a very calm, loving discussion. Bringing other partners into your relationship is not a solution. YOu have to get profesional help to overcome these issues.
I do believe you will both benefit from counseling and even if she does not want to join you at the begining, go for it solo; you will benefit from it.
Good luck! Keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 December 2008):
Get more aggressive and ask for it more. You may bring her back more than just experience if you go screwing around. I wonder if she thinks that giving you permission to run amuck means she'll be able to do the same?
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