A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I need advice. My wife wants to have a real relationship with another man and I have sanctioned it. Am I crazy or a great husband?We have been married for over 20 years. I want her to have it all. I have not been perfect. Far from it. She stood by me when I cheated on her and I am so glad she did. I was an idiot for doing that. We both grew up alot and became better people. We are now in a great, great place together. When people see us in public, they think we are dating or just married, the way we act together. I believe, truly, that I love my wife more than anyone has ever loved anyone. I know that sounds crazy but I really feel that way.I suggested over the years that we spice things up by having something with someone else. She cant stand the concept of any woman even looking at me but I suggested the opposite. You need to also know that my wife is in her late 40's but is drop dead gorgeous. 5'4', blond, blue eyes, DD breasts (yes, some help), and a perfect body (as far as I am concerned) and dresses very sexy but not trashy. Perfection in my view. God I love her...She flirts with guys every so often, and I encouraged it. She recently met a friend of a friend on Facebook and I overheard some passionate phone calls. I stepped in and she told me that it was harmless fun. I told her to tell me everything about it... and she has. She also has had a few other phone relationships which I jumped in and was the insane We fantasized about the idea for years during sex and it has spiced up our sex lives.The phone calls and texts they share are long and all over the map but the guy is a sex maniac and he always wants her to have phone sex with him and for her to send naked pictures of her. She is very beautiful and I help with the pictures that she sends him.The guy lives in a different city and we recently had occasion to go out there for a few days. I encouraged her to meet him and see what happens. No surprise, they had a great date the first night. They kissed and more. She came back from the date on cloud nine. I live to make her happy so this made me happy...although I also cant shake a concurrent anxiety about it all. The guy is 6'3" and I am 5'8". She likes big guys. He is a "tough" guy and makes his living as such and I am a business guy. He is exciting and I guess I am more mundane that way. She has always liked these kinds of guys and I started wondering why she married me. He is very different from me and perhaps the difference is extra exciting to her.The second date was the next night and it was a sex-fest. They did it 3 times plus she went down on him in a way she never does with me. I asked her and she confirmed it was among the top 10% of sex she ever had. She wants to go back to the city where he lives alone and see him. I have told her I want her to do that. I know she wants him and that they will have many marathon sex sessions. She can and does things with him that I wish she would do with me. Part of that excites me. Part of that makes me crazy. Part of that makes me think she will leave me for him. On top of the amazing sex, she really likes him. She acts like a schoolgirl when she is on the phone with him...laughing all the time and forgiving his bad habits (that she would hate with me) the way school girls do when they are first in love.And that brings up the next point. I think she is or could be falling in love with him. We talked about this possibility too. We agreed that we are first and that if this happens we would talk about it and see how to deal with it. I truly love her and know its better for her to have 2 guys love her than it is none. I want her to be the happiest wife on the planet. I really do. I love her so much. But am I crazy? Is this guy going to have wild sex with her, do all the things I only get to fantasize about with her and then will her head be so filled with sex, lust and frankly, the fact that she has always loved dangerous, big guys...what happens to me? Am I paranoid, stupid, selfless, an idiot? I have seen alot of posts with people in extramarital relationships but they are all for sex and fun. This one has real potential to turn into a deep emotional relationship. In fact, I am sure there is something there now. I am so confused and dealing with mixed feelings.Will I lose the best marriage I could imagine by all of this?. Will I lose her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): I do not think it is good idea. i can tell you upfront and blunt that you are keeping her life and your life both miserable. neither your conscience nor her conscience will be able to handle an outside man and dude.. in this world, you always need to receive according to what you thought and you did. There is no UNDO option in life. your KARMAs carry till your death.
So in my guees, you great life will be killed by you for ever, there is no UNDO.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): Hi, Mr. Marriage Problem. That your problem are :
1. We have been married for over 20 years.
2. I suggested over the years that we spice things up by having something with someone else.
3. She cant stand the concept of any woman even looking at me but I suggested the opposite.
That's the way you wont her to do but she couldn't control her sexuallity for him. She found great sexual of her dream with new guy. You should fine and happy to know that she will be make love to this guy for sure. It's long term distance of the people whoes have plenty of foods and honour in your life. You cann't be fullfil in happiness. Should let her go today and so far as she has end of sexual with him that your turm. I hope within next year sure.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (14 September 2010):
 Whenever you go outside the relationship, there is always the possibility that love will follow. That said, I think you're stuck with this. By incorporating this fantasy in your lovemaking, you encouraged this by helping to shape her sexual response around this scenario. Try to back out now that she's exhilarated by what she's discovering, and she'll both resent it and lose respect for you.
You find this exciting, and I can understand that. Many men do. The possibility of losing someone is all part of that angst. Also remember this: anytime a man takes a married woman, he has something to prove. That she is another man's wife makes it plenty exciting by itself. Add to that the fact that the ONLY way to ensure access while other people are putting him down (or the married woman, for that matter), is to blow away the competition in bed.
Of COURSE he is going to pull out all the stops! He intends to do that. From his perspective, he's SUPPOSED to make her explode on him over and over and over again.
Did I mention that you're probably stuck with this?
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I think this whole idea was a dumb, dumb idea. But you asked for it, and now you may have gotten exactly what you wanted. You hand your wife willingly over to another man for sex, and then wonder why the outcome became unfavorable to your marriage? I hope you learned a valuable lesson on what it means to be married to someone. I don't know what you call your relationship but it isn't a marriage in my opinion.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 It's far too late for you to be having second thoughts about this. The barn door is open and the horse is two counties away. From here on in your "marriage" is going to consist of her getting her jollies elsewhere and you living vicariously through her experiences. If she were making a life with this bad boy she'd tire of him after a while -- all those habits that are sexy in him that she wouldn't tolerate in you. By giving her the "best" of both worlds -- excitement from him, stability from you -- you're most likely prolonging the length of time she'll want him. She may come back, but honestly why any woman would want to be with a "man" so lacking in self-respect as you escapes me.
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A
female
reader, snmunoz89 +, writes (13 September 2010):
well, this is a tough situation i bet. All i can say is since you and your wife live together and have such a great relationship you should let her know how you feel. Try and convince her to get away from him... try distracting her from him... take her to the movies, shopping, a dinner or whatever comes to mind. Be a bit more exciting show her you can be fun as well.. take a hike, run with the wind take her to the beach... do what you did when you were younger to make her fall in love with you again. If she loved you once for who you were then she sure will love you again.
If not i honestly would believe she would fall in love with him.
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A
female
reader, xxbuggabu24xx +, writes (13 September 2010):
 wow im kind of sorry to hear this I think it is very very sad u never should have approved of this and its never to late to put an end to it and if she gets angry with you and fights with you then she doesnt care about your feelings and how it hurts you that shes with other men but it was very very stupid of you to ever say ok to this
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): sorry you are crazy for wanting your wifey to be with other people. but that's just my opinion. quit while you are still ahead. you feel guilty for cheating and she is delighted that she got revenge on you. quit now and never do anything like that again or else you will loose her.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (13 September 2010):
 number one mistake: you approved of her cheating.
I'm sorry, but you are an incredible FOOL. Also, you seem like a doormat and she probably sees that she can do WHATEVER she wants, as long as she says "I'll be happy" with no regard to your feelings because you are lying to yourself when you say you are okay with this situation....otherwise you wouldn't be posting anything here.
I noticed too that you think ALOT about her happiness and you're very selfless. But may I ask how much your wife thinks of your happiness? Its clearly not making you very happy that she sleeps with other guys, although you give her the OK to. Someone who really is thinking about their husband's happiness isn't going to be okay with seeing other men..think about that please.
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