A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been good friends with a married couple for many years. I knew her well long before he came into her life and before I knew my wife. My wife and her developed a close friendship which I didn't mind at all. This woman told me my wife is bi curious and tried to have sex with her. She turned my wife down. My wife hasn't said a word to me about it. I see their friendship isn't what it once was. I'm not happy my wife is keeping secrets from me, especially sexual secrets. We have a good sexlife, I can't get enough of her. She's good most times accommodating me. Now I'm worried about our marriage. If she's looking for sex with a woman, is my marriage in trouble? If my friend turned her down don't you think she'll look for another woman to do this with? I'm wondering if she's already had bi sexual flings, I just don't feel I know my wife's sexuality very well anymore. I'm very concerned about the health of my marriage which I thought was better than most marriages. I've never cheated or entertained the thought of sex without my wife, I love her and would never take the risk. I can't confront her, but I am covertly watching her very closely. What do you say to your wife when you catch her cheating with another woman, her behavior is unacceptable to me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 Youwish is right on!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 September 2014):
 Why can't you confront your wife? Or just have a conversation with her about the situation? That seems like a marriage doomed to fail. If you can't talk about things and present what your concerns are, then what do you have?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 September 2014):
 You'd know EXACTLY what to do if you had a report that your wife offered her body to another MAN, right?? Cheating is cheating, no matter what the gender.
What are you waiting for? Do you feel you need MORE proof of your wife's cheating ways? There is NO difference whether or not she's off sleeping with other men or other women. It's cheating when it's illicit and extramarital, no if's, and's, or but's.
I had a friend who was bisexual and had a husband who not only accepted it, but it turned him on to know about it. She never lied to him or went behind his back, and got his approval for it and opened the marriage with certain rules, the main one being NO OTHER MEN, which she stuck to.
That got dicey. My friend is no longer alive, because she started a sexual relationship with the wrong sort of woman, who abused her and threatened her family. It was in one of these threats that my friend got in a car while drunk and got into a fatal accident with a telephone pole, a hill, and finally, a lake.
Faithful is faithful. I know it's tough, devastating, and confusing for you. But you must decide and you must confront.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 September 2014):
 Yes, your marriage IS in trouble. NOT because she approached a WOMAN, but because she approached SOMEONE besides YOU for sex.
You ask:
" What do you say to your wife when you catch her cheating with another woman, her behavior is unacceptable to me."
Well, first off is it unacceptable because she tried to CHEAT with a WOMAN or just that she tried to cheat?
My guess this situation makes you feel inadequate, because you can't "compete" with a woman. But it's NOT about just you. It's about YOUR marriage.
You also say:
"She's good most times accommodating me."
Accommodate? What do you mean? She has sex with you even if she isn't in the mood? Or you like things she doesn't but she still do them for you?
Bisexual people do not NEED to cheat on their spouses. Most DECIDE when they fall in love and marry that they will STICK with whatever they marry, man or woman. Doesn't mean they don't perhaps still fantasize about the other side of the fence kind of sex.
You wife might NEVER have had any woman/woman relationships that were sexual. She might have been attracted to woman but stuck to guys, because it was more socially accepted. She felt SAFE with your friend and close enough that she could ask. BUT that doesn't mean she will go out and look for another woman to have sex with. She could as easily look for another guy.
Why are you waiting to CATCH your wife in the cheating? Why not simply ask her, I feel we are not doing so well in certain areas and I want to work on that. What can I do to improve our sex life? If she asks you WHY you are bringing it up, be honest with her. YES she might get mad at your friend for telling, but I'd tell her to pack that anger up, the friend didn't TRY to cheat - SHE did.
TALK this out. If you don't know HOW to do it, maybe consider a marriage counselor? If you belong to a church they might provide it, if you don't find one the "old fashioned" way ( yellow pages - google).
You two need to talk. You can spy on her all you want but that won't make this go away.
I'm (by the way) NOT condoning what your wife did. Cheating is one of the lowest things you can do in a relationship/marriage. She SHOULD have come to you, if there were things she was unhappy with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): As your wife with whom you pledged commitment and trust, I'd be very hurt that you distrusted me on the basis of somebody else's words.
Have you had any reason to distrust your wife or suspect cheating before this?
Have you asked what her fantasies are or what she'd like to do differently sexually?
If your friend turned her down, what was the point of telling you since nothing happened?
How is your friend's relationship with her husband?
I'm just really surprised that you'd take her words as gospel when all has been well in your relationship.
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