A
male
age
,
*elboy
writes:Ok..I admit I have been a bit of a naughty boy in the past, but to be fair some women are so stupid, I think we share the blame.I am 55 year old man. I am divorced and my partner asked me to leave her home. I admit I have (in the past) been unfaithful to every woman I have ever been with. Its just so easy, and who wouldn't want it all, the way I see it I just had the guts to do what all men want to do. I'm just very honest about it. My partner was the only woman I didnt cheat on.I usually like sexy tarty young women, and I have no problem seducing them. I read them like a book and its just a matter of time, and they love it. Three years ago I met this woman only ten years younger than me who is not my usual type, she was pretty but not enough make up and dressed feminine, and she is very intelligent. She gave me a run for my money so to speak. She didnt want anything to do with me but I presevered and it was bloody hard work but I won her over, making her laugh, and buying her things i wanted her to have, (hilarious as we have very different tastes) and she is worth it. She really is the woman I have been looking for all my life, she says I am the man she has been avoiding all her life. But I changed and I absolutely adore her. She is everything to me and understands and tolerates me.Most of the time she makes me feel like king nob so to speak.I asked her to marry me and booked our wedding. I was happier than I have ever been and so was she.the problem was she then caught me texting another bird I had met when on work trip abroad. Nothing much serious had happened but I just kept it going for a couple of months for something to do plus I might go back there. My partner had become suspicious and asked me who I was speaking to and I told a whopper of a lie and backed it up as much as I could, surprisingly she believed me because I swore I was telling the truth (see what I mean about stupid - sorry but its true!). Unfortunately my partner caught me redhanded texting this other woman again the next day and I chose to tell the truth. My partner was completely heartbroken, I cant tell you how bad I felt, she said she felt an absolute fool. She even went as far as cancelling our wedding, she got really skinny and started seeing a counsellor. I told my partner nothing physical had happened, but she still makes a big deal of it.Apart from a couple of minor things since then (she caught me trying to meet up with my ex) there has not been any other major incidents that she knows about. I give her access to my phone but she refuses to "snoop". I also have an ap on our phones so that she can see where I am but this is a bit unreliable, which she accepts. I rarely go out because I don't have any local friends who like doing the same things as me, so I do eveything with her and its great most of the time. I have learned a lot from her.We have tried to work things out but I know she doesnt trust me all the time. I wanted to go out with some mates to a casino and strip club which would have meant an overnight stay in the city, she got really upset and basically said if I went then I was not the man she wanted to be with. I walked out and left her. (I didnt go to the club.) Instaed I tried to woo her back which took weeks, but I love her so much it was worth it. I cant help loving women. My partner knows that, I love tits they're everywhere, I love the banter, I love porn, but I respect her she is everything to me,I am nothing without her... she does everything and more in the bedroom...a little miracle worker, because I have heart disease and had heart attack and my tablets stop me getting a good erection but she somehow does it for me, and caters for all my porny needs. But sometimes I just get tired of fucking the same thing but I have never cheated on her to that extent. Its just in my head, so I dont see why she has to get upset about it when I'm behaving myself like never before. She does dress up for me and does things like a whore (which I love) but its not the same, but I tell her it is. But I'm trapped because whenever I want to go out, which is rare, she gets worried and sometimes upset and this makes it difficult. I know I tell her white lies, but thats just me its what I do, but telling her the truth is usually worse and she starts talking to me like Im one of her patients. I was telling her I have to deliver something somewhere which is the true bit and then I suit myself on the way back and dont tell her what Im doing, thats not lying. She became suspicious that this was what I was doing, but she couldnt prove it. She says she is trying to meet me half way and would like evidence of where I am and who I am with, and she does not want me out all night. This really irritates cos I never had to answer to anybody and I'm always having to think about explaining myself when I;m not doing nothing.The thing is I love her so much. I have given her literally everything I own, I have nothing and I lived in her house. I have never been so well looked after, but she says she cannot live with the lies and that I wont meet her half way. She just cant get over the past and it keeps coming up over and over again. But I dont do anything bad anymore she just wont let me forget. She makes me feel like a dirty old man just for looking at tits and looking at tarts (strangely she is happy to fuck while we watch porn though..hypocrite?). I dont want to go out with my mates much because I want to be with her, but when I do want to go she withdraws and I know she is sitting at home worried. She did threaten me by saying she was going to go out one night if I did, but if shes going to do that I know other men will try to hit on her her so I might as well have a good time myself.It gets on my nerves because she so squeaky clean and she makes me feel like a perv. She doesnt drink or smoke or tell lies, or lose her temper, or overdo anything and everyone likes her, but they dont see how she is manipulating me by her moods, and making me feel guity to live my life how I want. But I do really really love her and I'm lost without her and I never had love like hers from anybody. Should I leave her for being too controlling, even though all else in our relationship is better than I could wish for? Or should I just give in to her demands?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2014): Oh wow ... You sound like a real catch ... Tell her from me ... Run honey Nd never look back ! You talk about women like they are pieces of meat in a butchers window to be assessed and used up . Not enough makeup??? Ummmm helloooo but what makes you think any woman NEEDS makeup ... What? Because you are a man you have some god given right to sit back in judgement?Seriously, this is one of the most sexist and horrible posts I have read here on dear Cupid . I honestly suggest counselling for you and I'm not even being smart here . You appear to have serious issues with women . Liking women's bodies and what you can get from them is not liking women . Please do something to improve your attitude towards womenShe makes you feel like a perv because honestly, that's how you come across and I believe that deep down, part of you acknowledges that is exactly how you behave . No, she is not 'squeaky clean' she is a decent honest , gorgeous ( with or without makeup woman) built just the way nature intended ... Who is being severely disrepected by a man who is nowhere near worthy of her It seems she is starting to realise that and so would you if only you were truly man enough to look in the mirror
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 It seems to me that the vast majority of your post is an attempt to rationalize behavior that you understand on some level is not pleasant, honest or nice. Side note, I think you are mistaken in the assumption that "all men" would happily cheat on their partners if given the chance, but you posted for advice on your own specific situation so I will limit my response to that.
The most telling part of the problem as you've posted it is the part where you state you have never "cheated" on your partner and then go on to detail an instance of repeatedly texting another woman you met because you might be back in her city at some point. Based off your history, I'd assume (as I'm sure your partner did) that your reason for keeping this line of communication open with a near-stranger was the prospect of a future casual hookup. You also hint at other things having happened with the statement that there have been no other major incidents "that she knows about."
Well, this may not be cheating to you, but many if not MOST women would disagree, and would not appreciate or tolerate such behavior from a romantic partner in a committed relationship. Your ex-fiancée is not unusual for objecting to this, and neither is she controlling. She only wants what YOU promised her, implicitly if not verbally, when you proposed marriage - an exclusive relationship between the two of you only, for the rest of both your lives. She can't get over the past because you can't put your bad habits squarely in the past where they belong. As long as your old vices keep making their way into your current relationship, she will not forgive or forget them, and nor should she.
She isn't "making" you feel guilty, as you claim. Her good behavior isn't an act she puts on just to make you feel like a perv. Many people of both sexes go their whole lives without treating other people the way you admit to having treated a long string of partners. You feel guilty because YOU know that she's a good woman and you're doing wrong by her.
I think your admission that you "get tired of fucking the same thing" says a lot about you and the attitude that you have towards your partners, and it's a powerful hint at why you haven't been able to respect the women in your life or to see them as deserving of the best man you are capable of being. Instead you treat them like interchangeable objects because you see them as lesser human beings, whether you'll admit it or not. "Birds," "tarts," "things," but not real people with real feelings.
I think you would benefit from professional counseling. Even if it's too little, too late to save your current relationship, the way you treat women you're involved with will be less and less sustainable as you age. As your appearance and prowess in the bedroom wane, your personality and behavior will need to improve or you'll have a hard time finding partners, let alone younger birds, tarts, or things to cheat on them with.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 Hello Delboy,
your question appears to have been deliberately written to hit all the buttons required to set people off.
However, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, and advise you to leave, the last thing a man like you would need is all that squeaky clean niceness rubbing off.
Don't forgive her, don't give her the benefit of one moment more of your delightful company, pack your stuff into a nice clean green garbage bag and kiss that fun killer goodbye.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): I honestly think your too old for your bad boy behavior. You share the same age with my dad.At 55 you should have been settled, stable, mentally. Most of all should have been happily married with kids and grandchildren.Its a good thing that the womam you love is someone who knows how to tame u. Just imagine the sexual diseases you might get from different partners.It's just so gross. I am so sorry. Even if you use protection the fact is its still not right.Your hurting the feelings of someone you love and i do think she is in love with you otherwise she wont stay. She should have leave you instead.Your bad boy behaviour must come to an end. Its no longer cute for your age.Most women maybe stupid but not all are.Just like your partner, between the two of you and how you describe her who looks stupid to me was... you know who.U said you literaly have given your all to her plus she can control your moods. PERFECT WOMAN.She must be really something and imagine a certified womanizer like you writing here because of one woman.So who looks stupid now? You dont have to answer. I wish you all the best so, Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): Reread what you wrote and imagine what you'd say to a mate in the same predicament.
You'd tell him to own up to what he is and stop trying to play monogamous because it will all end up the same way..
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (13 September 2014):
Dear OP,
This sounds like a post written by Charlie Sheen on Two-and-a-half-men.
You call women stupid for believing your bullshit.. yet you get all whiny when your partner suddenly doesn't trust you anymore. So much for double standards.
OP, you keep telling lies and disrespecting your partner, even after you live in her house. There are people like you who are honest and look for like-minded partners.. there are swingers, polyamorous people out there. There are women who would like open relationships. Yet, you prefer to take a committed, monogamous woman and make false promises to her and break her heart.
My advice is to either value love more than having "something new" every now and then.. or to look for a person who is equally driven by her sexual needs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): First of all, I'm going to set the record straight. All men don't want to cheat on their partners. The only stupid women there are; are those dumb enough to be fooled by guys like you. Or are they stupid? They use you for what they need, until they don't need you anymore. So who really got played?
You're just a horny old-man to them. Like any other player,you're a legend in your own mind. The type of women you describe are actually smarter than you think. They know you think with your smaller head. They get money, trips, shopping, and gifts out of you. Nothing really comes free.
They know exactly what they're doing, and with whom. You get over, but you better get away before they find out.
Some wait until you're settled and happy with a new love of your life. Then inject their venom to destroy it.
So seriously?!! Who can you call stupid? You won't admit it; but they take you for your money. They lay in waiting to pull you astray. They will complicate and derail your happiness. So don't be too smug about how stupid they are.
They bring down magnates!
You are smug and arrogant; but your karma sneaks up on you all the time. Your past comes back to bite you in the ass; and you haven't really changed. You're just sneakier about how you do it. There is always a flaw or mistake that gets you in trouble.
You think exactly the same; but found a woman better and smarter than you.
She anticipates your moves, reads your mind, and knows when you're lying. She is going to break your heart someday.
Terribly. It will rip you totally apart.
She holds your heart in the palm of her hand. She is not the one you truly want to hurt. "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned." She knows you will lie, and you will cheat given the opportunity. You lack a conscience and self-control; therefore, it is necessary for her to set and reinforce her boundaries. She will not give you trust until you've earned it. You don't know how to use freedom innocently. You need it to do your dirt. You test her intelligence and gullibility. She outsmarts you every-time.
Guys like you never really know what they've got until they've lost it. Your opinion of women is as old-school and backward as they come. You aren't giving into any demands.
She has given you the key to earning her trust. If you love her, and you really want her? Take that key, and earn and value her trust. She has changed you, by letting you know this. Although you've known what you believe are "stupid" women. She isn't one of them. If you lose her, it will be your payment for all the wrongs you've done in the past. The devil always comes to collect his due.
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