A
male
 ,
*ddie
writes:I'm suffering from jealousy. It's never happened before. As a matter of fact, it's always been the opposite.We've been married 20 years. My wife is a wonderful, beautiful lady. She is EXTREMELY attracative and gets lots of people looking at her. She has never thought anything of it or given me reason to doubt her.While away visiting friends in a resort town, a man sent her a drink. My wife and her friend laughed about it and looked towoard the man. He approached and intoduced himself. My wife thanked him and told him he was welcome to talk and socialize but not to get the wrong idea as she was married. He said he enjoyed talking and meeting new people. He stayed and ended up being a "nice guy", according to my wife. They danced a couple times, took pictures and he left his email address with my wife and the other couple so they could send a copy of the picture. She said he was really interesting and she enjoyed talking to him.This made me very jealous. I asked her how she thought he could be so nice. I told her it was because she was attracted to him and enjoyed the attention more than a married woman should have. I told her she was naive if she thought he didn't have other hopes for her. She got defensive and told me she knows where to draw the line and she did nothing wrong. She told me after he found out she was married she never felt like he was still trying to pick her up. It still bothers me that she let him hang around for the rest of the evening. I should mention that he was there with a group of people as was my wife.She told me all of this. I didn't have to go digging for the information. I had been feeling undesirable to her before she went away. I always have to initiate sex. I felt she didn't desire me. She insists our relationship is normal and I have nothing to worry about. She says I'm the only man she loves and the only man she wants to be with. I must admit I felt very insecure and it really hit me while she was gone away. When she returned I kept quizzing her about this guy. She just sounded so happy when she came home. I was afraid he was able to make her feel something that I couldn't anymore.Any advice?Eddie
View related questions:
insecure, jealous, married woman Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 November 2005):
 You have a jewel there, pal. She's all yours so relax and enjoy your good fortune. You'll regret it until the day you die if you screw things up with mindless, petty jealousy. Go give her a big kiss after you read this!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2005): Eddie, you have a lovely wife and she will make heads turn. Aside from her outer beauty, keep in mind it's also your wife’s honesty & good nature that you love, as well. Why make an issue of something which is not an issue for her. She told the guy, she was married! She did the right thing. She doesn’t need to continually pay for this other guy's attentions and improper behavior. So get the insecurities and jealousies in check, or this could put your marriage in jeopardy.
She sounds like the perfect person for you & the greatest joy of being with the right person--is that you can be completely honest, completely open, and completely authentic with them. When you find that kind of connection, nothing life throws at you can separate the two of you. So give your wife credit for being honest and loving you, enough to be herself and tell you about this. Let this go. I feel your jealousy is "too much" and this is your problem to solve, not hers. Either let this go...or get some counselling to help you deal with your behaviours over this. Take Care and Good Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, jackie222 +, writes (6 November 2005):
I am not going to give you some extra drawn otu answer. But as a woman who has done this to my boyfrined before... I just know that when I tell my boyfriend about other guys that I really like, I do it in a way to sort of let him know, "I CAN DO BETTER". I am not saying that your wife is doing that to you, but sometimes when women feel that they are not getting enough attention from their spouse they tend to try to make their spouse jealous because they are hoping that by doing this, their spouse will hopefully become more intimate, or show them more attention. There is a possibility that your wife may be doing that to you. Ask yourself these three questions. When was the last time you surprised her with a special date or gift? When was te last time your cuddled like kids do in highschool? When was the last time you complimented her in front of others? What most guys do not realize is that its just the little things that count. Most women just want a little attention. Think about these things and try to fix whatever is wrong before it is too late.
...............................
A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (6 November 2005):
would you feel the same if it had been a woman she'd met? some guys do just enjoy chatting and meeting new people. she obviously loves you enough to be honest and not think you have a reason to be jealous. just because she doesn't initiate sex doesn't mean she doesn't find you attractive. my partner tells me i'm beautiful but i struggle to get any sort of attention from him. even if this man did want more, your wife didn't. that's what matters. yes, she enjoyed the attention but so would anyone. it's wonderful to feel attractive.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): Jealousy is a simple expression of lack of self esteem. For reasons you have not told us, you feel inadequate. Why? IN the meanwhile, your behavior is insulting to your wife. The reason she told you about this is because she knows you do ( or did?) trust her, and she didn't want you hearing about the event from someone else who was there. People who love each other tell their spouses and partners about things like this. If you don't talk about it, your partner is going to believe there really is something going on, and that would make you a " Cheater". Answer the question about why you feel inadequate, and you will deal with this properly. Then, go to her and apologize for your behavior, and thank her for sharing all this with you. You have a very special lady you are married to, and you should realize that she did not call this guy, or date him, and she came home to you! What else matters? Don't ruin this relationship by insulting her further.
...............................
|
