A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have an issue that is somewhat hard to articulate. My wife is a very outgoing person, who has the ability to connect with people very quickly. She is excited to joke around with other people, and they with her: so much so that in social settings I sometimes feel like to her I cease to exist, until we are leaving the party or event. I should say I have no reason to believe she is or has cheated on me.I understand that I am wired differently than her. I do not bond so quickly to other people. I am very devoted to just a few people in my life (including her obviously) while she has many, many friends. I can't help but being resentful and jealous at times. I know that it is never healthy to be resentful of your spouse. I don't know if there is anything I can do to better this situation. I am very loyal; perhaps I should pretend to have a wondering eye? This seems very childish to me. I'm not sure she would even care. But, at least when I was dating, I know women can come to take men for granted and sometimes a petty game like this can serve to remind them that u could go elsewhere.I have tried discussing this with her, but Getting her attention at a party thru pity is worse than the alternative.Do any of you have any ideas that could help me with this problem?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 Dude just talk to her n tell her what u said here. Communicate.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 "Babe, I'm so happy to see you vivacious and enjoying yourself at these parties but I feel as though I am invisible to you. It would help me out if you could just 'check in' with me every half an hour or so to make me feel like I'm important to you."
The thing is here that her focus isn't 100% or even 10% on you; at the parties she's busy doing her extrovert thing and enjoying others' company. She's with you the rest of the time, do you feel insecure or uncertain when her focus isn't on you? Do you feel as though you don't matter to her? Are you concerned that she has forgotten you?
Rather than wait for her to remember to remember you, just go over to her every now and again, gently touch her on the back and kiss her on the cheek. Maybe that will prompt her to look at you and smile and that will be enough to get you through the rest of the party. Or ask her to make eye contact and smile at you every so often.
She may not know that you feel abandoned and forgotten at these parties. Just remind her that you do want her to have fun but that you still would like to feel connected to her at these events. And I would suggest to you that you think about why it is that you are feeling anxious that she has forgotten you exist. She hasn't forgotten, of course, she's merely distracted. Remember, you are connected to her on a level that no one else is. Perhaps you just can't see the bond because you are looking for a different version of it then?
As for trying to make her jealous, I think that will only serve to make you more uncomfortable and resentful, as she will likely not react in the way you would like her to. I expect she'll be delighted that you are engaging in some nice conversations. If you merely stand around and stare at other women, that will only serve to make you even more isolated looking and won't help your cause.
Have you spoken to her about wanting to feel more connected at parties?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (28 February 2012):
 HI
Your wife sounds like a down to earth fun woman to be around, She has never given you cause to believe she has been unfaithful. She ( because of you ) is a very happy woman and is enjoying her life to the full. I can see why it may upset you to an extent, I.E feeling left out maybe, or not the centre of attention in her eyes, But I really dont think she is doing this on purpose to hurt your feelings. I think she is just making the most of the time she has left before she CANT keep up with it all anymore.Because there will be a time when she will want to slow paces down a little, not having energy to party as before. Try just going with the flow, you might find you WILL come out of your shell and realise what your missing. If your letting your hair down too and having fun, it wont be pity attention, it will be you BOTH enjoying yourself :) I dont think the wondering eye trick will work, she is so bubbly and outgoing she will probably just do it straight back to you , to make a point!
Mandy x
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