A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago, I started seeing this guy named Alex. He's a good friend of my best friend. She set me up with him. He turned out to be really nice, funny, cute, and we have a lot in common. Even though I had fun with him, there's just not that spark. Not a good amount of chemistry. I think we should just be friends but someone once told me, "Sometimes you just gotta learn to love what's good for you." Most of the time love grows as time passes. I was in love once and I didn't even know it until almost a year after I met the guy. I still love the guy but I'm pretty sure I always will. But we had a spark the first moment we met. The best kind of love usually happens like that right? Or no?And another thing, I think I might just want a friends-with-benefits kind of relationship with Alex. I can see myself with him in that way. But I've never had sex before and I don't think he has either. My friend says I should go out with him just one more time but I don't know.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2012):
 “we had a spark the first moment we met. The best kind of love usually happens like that right? Or no?”
I vote for NO. Sometimes love grows and builds over time… let’s talk about fires in terms of love.
Think of a flash fire… it’ starts large and bright and hot and fast and then it burns brightly for a short period of time and it’s DONE… nothing underneath to keep it going right?
Now think of a fire that you want to last a long time… you start slow… you build it up from the base… and you have a HOT long term fire with glowing embers underneath the ash. Occasionally the fire will flare and burn hot and bright but then it dies down… but it’s not really dead.. it may look dead all ash and nothing but when you pass your hand over it, it’s RED HOT under the ashes. That’s the kind of love I want… something that’s slow and builds and ebbs and flows and burns HOT for a long time… not a flash in the pan..
Why in the world would you think that FWB is an appropriate thing for you?
Tell me what you think FWB is… I am starting to think that younger folks don’t get it.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (28 February 2012):
 HI
You have never had sex before, yet your talking about being freinds with benefits??? woooow slow down !!! You really DONT want to start your sexual life with meaningless sex or you will never have a true long lasting loving relationship. You will always be looking for the thrill.
Sometimes there dont have to be an instant spark. When I got with my husband , we were just friends, infact I didn;t fancy him one bit. But he was great company, and we had such a laugh together. One day as usual we went to give eachother a kiss on the cheek goodbye, but we both moved our lips together by mistake and POW!!!! it was electric. we got married a year to the day after, and although were not together now ( after many years we just grew apart) we have remained friends, and still find eachother attractive. So yes it can work without the spark straight away. But only you can make the choice thats best for you. But please dont do the friends with benefits :( your worth more than that, its just seedy, meaningless, and will cause heartache in the long run.
Mandy x
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