A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for 10 years. 6 months ago I caught my wife talk to a guy she meet on a online poker game. She told me they're just friends on a game but when I checked the phone bill and it was more than talking. In a month they talked for 37 hours, more than 300 texts and 10 nude pictures sent to him. I really don't know what to do anymore. She tells me I'm being selfish cause I can't move pass this. Can anybody give me some advice? Please and Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for your comments. I read everybodys input and weighted out all my options. I went at it in a different way. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. And I played between the sheets with her hot friend. No this doesn't make me a better person but it sure does make me feel better inside. After all of this I did learn one thing.... Revenge sex is GREAT!!!
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (13 June 2013):
If you think this is the only time she has transgressed, I have some swampland in Florida for you.If this were me, the title would instead read "My ex-wife spent...."It sounds like you have easily proved all of this. I would do so....in court. Then after I took everything, I would tell her..."Yeah, I guess I am selfish, but at least now I can move past it....."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2013): Please have the balls to get out of the guilt trap and counterattack.
There's absolutely nothing in her defense.
37 hours? That's a few times more than phone calls to my girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2013):
 Because she doesn't want to admit that SHE is the one doing the "wrong" thing so playing a guilt trip on you is easier. The fact that she is STILL sending texts/pictures shows how "little" she actually regrets her actions.
You certainly don't HAVE to move past it til YOU are good and ready.
I would honestly have a long talk with her about what is OK and not OK in the marriage and I would want a reason WHY she thought her actions were OK and why she lied. That "could" maybe help me move past it, but nothing is ever set in stones. She has a lot of work to do, EARNING back your trust and respect.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 June 2013):
 You tell her that in fact you HAVE moved past this, you have moved out, then make sure it happens..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLani702 yes she begged me to forgive her but yet she talked yo him for 2 more days n sent 3 more pix. I found that out once I checked the bill again. Thanks for your imput.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): What's to discuss? She says what she is doing is okay. You don't. One of you must give in or else you split up.
You know you are right. Any normal person would say the same thing. Don't give in.
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A
female
reader, Lani702 +, writes (11 June 2013):
 She has to realize that what she did was a huge betrayal of trust. And if it takes you six months or six YEARS to get over it, then that's how long it's going to take.My question to you is, when you first confronted her about it, did she beg you for your forgiveness and promise never to do it again? And then have you been continually bringing it up for six months? If she were truly sorry and is repentant, and is constantly trying to make it up to you, then you need to do your part to really try and forgive her. Because if you can never forgive, it will ruin your marriage.But if she were truly never sorry, and was "so what" about the whole thing, and then to call you selfish on top of that, that is a whole different situation. My advice to that would be to seek counseling because if she isn't sorry, then who is to say she won't do it again. I don't know which of the two situations that you are in. But no matter what, you have to work on forgiveness. If not for the sake of your marriage, then for the sake of your own peace of mind so that it doesn't eat away at you every day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): If you want to continue the marriage, you are going to have to forgive her and move past it. But you're not wrong for feeling the way you feel.
I am gender neutral when it comes to this kind of the situation. Your wife was wrong in doing what she did. If something was lacking, she should have come to you. The two of you work it out. If not, leave and start over. Don't bring a third person in a two partner relationship. It Burns me up when people does that! Marriage isn't a cake walk. If dont want to do the work, then stay single is my attitude towards it.
If you want to stay, talk to your wife and get counseling if need be. Don't stay and be miserable nor keep throwing it in her face neither. The decision is up to you. I hope you work it out.
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