A
male
age
41-50,
*Aeng
writes:I just found out that My wife slept with my roomate while we were just dating. It happened 2X after I graduated and they were still at school. It is 6 years later and she doesnt know that I know. How can I get her to tell me about it without asking? OR should I just be blunt. I cant go on keeping quiet about it. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, PAeng +, writes (5 September 2007):
PAeng is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe sat down and talked it out. We were broken up at the time. She said it just kind of happened cause they were at the same place at the same time. I dont know what to believe but at least it is off my chest and hers.
A
male
reader, PAeng +, writes (13 August 2007):
PAeng is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am working on the sit down. We have talked about some things but not this one issue. I will let you know how things go after we have the talk...Thanks for all the help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): This is the best way, it has worked for me. Just 1 eveningg take a long hot shower with your wife, and ask to come with you to your bedroom, make hare sit facing the other way and you should also sit facing the other way (no clothes), and you must lean on each other with your backs. B4 you could start you must tell her how much you love her, and then you should tel her that you are going to tell her everything that you have done wrong and you would want her to do the same. And then after that you must tell her everything, including people you have dated, people you slept with, everything.And when you are done you mest tell her how much you love her.And you must ask her to go ahead.If she doesn't tell you what happend, you must wait for her to finish and when she's done you should ask her if she's really done. And if she says yes....You must just tell her that you thought you guys could start over, and leave everything behind. And secondly you must tell her that you know she slept with your room mate, and since she did not want to tell you about it, you will consider her unfaithfull or even not loyal to you, but you'll let it pass because you love her.And dude, you must do it.........This will help you a lot. Since you know it happened, it's best you know about it. Maybe she had a reason to do it.Just a concerned dude from South Africa, Peace...
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A
male
reader, PAeng +, writes (6 August 2007):
PAeng is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI found out about 2 weeks ago when a friend told me about it. I have since questioned a few people and the confirmed the story. She started telling other people that we were broken up at the time. Truth is we were not. We did have a rough patch but we were still able to see each other 3 days a week and that never changed during this time. She told some friends about the story after He called me at work to discuss a job we were both working on and told me to tell my wife he said hi. I did and she about flipped. She was sooo nervous and worried and wanted to know all the details of our conversation. I figured that something happened between them but not that. Her friend told me that she is so worried that I would find out. Is it sick that I really want to know all the details? I can forgive something that happened before we were married but its not easy to forget.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 How did you find out? Are you sure? 100% ? How long have you known? What stage was your relationship in when she slept with him? If she denies it, can you actually prove she's lying?
That is a rotten piece of information to have to carry around. It was also a calculated lack of fidelity on her part as it happened twice. I know what I would do. I would try to get on to the topic of college. Then I'd start to reminisce. Then I'd ask her what she thought about your room mate. Then I'd keep talking about him. I also note how she acted and how her tone changed. Then I'd drop it for a day and then, bring him up again. If she gets the idea you're on to her lie and you give her too much time to think, she might come up with some more lies and excuses. Since I don't know her, I'd say surprise is sometimes the best way to judge someone. Often you can tell by their behavior if they're telling the truth.
She's either going to get angry and defensive or upset because she feels guilty for keeping this secret. If she gets defensive, you'd better have your facts to back up your suspicions. If she gets remorseful, you have to decide if you can forgive her cheating.
It' would be very difficult for me to live in a relationship knowing she did this terrible thing. I'm not so sure it's a sign of her character now. This happened in your college days. If she tends to be a flirtatious woman, then I could see how it would bother you more.
Either way, you're opening a can of worms she sealed 6 years ago. I don't see it being a great situation but if it's going to haunt you (understandably), fix it now. One very important thing though, if this happened while you were just beginning to date, it's not quite the same as if your relationship was established.
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