A
male
age
41-50,
*DMD
writes:2 days back me and my wife were having casual discussion and my wife informed that she is having feelings for her boss. I was stunned to hear this. She further said that she is feeling for him for past 3-4 months. She said she wanted to control her feelings but was unable to do the same. Her boss is not aware about this. She said she is feeling helpless, as more she wants to get away from this the more she is attracted towards him. I love my wife a lot and don't known what to do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 March 2016):
 Am afraid there is nothing that you can do that will make her feelings go away. I do think the best thing she can do is ignore these feelings if her marriage is important to her. Talk to her and ask her what it is she plans to do with these feelings.
A
male
reader, SDMD +, writes (23 March 2016):
SDMD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll, Thanks for your reply.I also thought of getting my wife's job changed. But then I realized that this is not the solution. What if in her next job also she faces similar situation. It is also not sure that she will forget this man. I want to face the reality and want permanent solution. I have spoken with my wife and she said that she is not having any issues from my side. All her demands are met, and she cannot help feeling for her boss. As far as salary is concerned I m earning more than her boss. All I know is that person cannot love 2 people at one time. IF my wife is having feeling for her boss that means she is not feeling for me. This thing really hurts me. What should I do
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A
male
reader, SDMD +, writes (23 March 2016):
SDMD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll, Thanks for your reply. I also thought about making my wife leave her job, but then I realized that this cannot be the solution. I m not sure if in her next job she will not face situation like this or she will forget this man completely if she switches her job. I don't want to run away from this reality. Instead I want her to come out of it. As far as our relationship goes she has admitted that there is nothing that's unfulfilled. She has admitted to me that I have been fulfilling all her wants.As far as salary is concerned I m earning more than this man. So this also cannot be the reason. One thing I know is that one person cannot love 2 people at one time. Now if she is feeling for him that means she is not feeling for me. This thought hurts me. I don't know why this feelings developed in her. But I want to win her back once and for all.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (22 March 2016):
I am glad that she told you the truth instead of having an affair behind your back. Now its her choice what she should do, it might be best if she leaves her job and look for a new one. Maybe there is something lacking in your marriage and this is why her eye went wandering? Maybe you both need to make more of an effort to go on date nights and spend quality time together. Talk to your wife and ask her what she wants to do about this, listen to what she has to say.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (22 March 2016):
He makes more money than you probably. Its just like a man leaving is wife for a younger woman. Not ethical, but evolutionary consistent.
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A
female
reader, LJCX  +, writes (22 March 2016):
 If there's one good thing to take from this is that she's being very upfront and honest about it. It'd be so much worse if she kept this to herself and acted on it. When a person is cheated on one of the worst things about it is feeling like they've made a fool of you and you're oblivious to everything going on.It must be heartbreaking hearing her saying this, but the fact she's saying she wants to control herself means she has a bit of respect for you and feels badly for it. When you develop feelings for somebody it's more of a subconscious thing rather than something you make yourself feel. But as Wrathykins says crushes just pass.Is your relationship good otherwise? Do you think you maybe need to work on making her feel wanted or special, does she feel a bit neglected and that's why this has happened?It wouldn't be right for me to tell you that she's behaving badly and is a b**** for doing it because you love her. If you want to make things work and get past this ask her if something's lacking a bit in the relationship and go from there.Could she try and find a different job if she doesn't want to be around him? It may just be freaking her out that she's feeling this way it's not like she's coming you saying she feels good about it. Maybe she's been so in love with you in the past she never even gave another guy a second glance but now she's just took a shine to a guy and it's never gone through her mind before.I've been in relationships and had a lot of respect for other men that I work with or found them attractive, doesn't mean I don't love my partner a whole lot more than them. Maybe she's just a very guilty person and feels you need to know about every man she's thought about for longer than she should.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (22 March 2016):
 So sorry you find yourself in this position. Your wife needs to leave her job.
Yes, she needs to break all contact with this person, then both you and she needs marriage counselling.
There is nothing you can really do, it is all about her. SHE needs to break contact, SHE needs to maintain NO CONTACT with this person and SHE needs to work harder at being a faithful partner in the marriage
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A
female
reader, wrathykins +, writes (22 March 2016):
 Well it's a good thing that she can be so honest with you. It's a tricky one, but I think the only option you have is to remind her of the love you share as husband and wife. Spoil her and tell her that you love her, always.
That's all YOU can do. The rest is up to her.
She needs to nip these feelings in the bud, by keeping things 100% professional at all times.
Crushes and things usually pass eventually, i'm sure it will with her
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