A
male
age
36-40,
*jlee
writes:My wife regularly (once/week) had anal sex with her ex boyfriend but will never allow me to; what should I do?My wife's ex boyfriend had a fetish for anal sex so she allowed him to engage in this with her once a week...They had what they called "Enema and anal Sunday's" which went on for over 2 years. I too, have an anal fetish, however, she will never allow me to engage in this with her. She says she did this with him 3 years ago and was young and dumb then and that she hates anal sex because it hurts. Now I'm left feeling slighted and jealous that she would perform this for him but will not allow me any anal play whatsoever! I've been very honest with her about my feelings and it has created a variety of terrible arguments ending with me apologizing for making such a big deal of it and her yelling at me saying she will, "never give me anal sex!" The bottom line is this is a big deal for me- it's something I can't seem to get out of my head; she gave him anal sex once a week but never will for me!? Because I can't get this out of my head I continue to spark arguments about it....Any advice for me on what I should do or how I can get her to do this for me would be greatly appreciated!!PS- It It also doesn't help the situation that she still talks to this guy on occasions and brings up her past with him fairly regularly...
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anal sex, her ex, her past, jealous, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Nokorse +, writes (28 May 2017):
I feel for you. My wife let her first husband do it but she won't let me. I'm assuming she let the X because she loved him and wanted to please him. I'm not even sure I want to do it but it would be nice to know she loves me and is willing to let me experience it. What bugs me I guess is rhere is a man out there that knows my woman more intamitly than I do. We have contact with him because of grandkids, she don't understand why I can be around him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2015): If your wife is anything like mine then the more you insist on asking for anal sex the less chance you will get. Your situation is identical to mine, I found out when she made a comment to one of her friends while we were out for a drink, just a one off comment in reply to a comment about women enjoying anal sex, "I don't do that anymore", when after that I wanted to know everything, it got to the point of being an obsession. But what could I say when she said that she would lose all respect for me if I insisted on having anal sex with her? it's a fact of life we've all done something with other people that we'd never do again so live with it and move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2014): She was more concerned with pleasing him than you. I would drop her dead cold and find someone else. She did it and had no problem with it with him. But wont do it for you? Not right at all, I wouldnt put up with this not one bit. Typical female behavior, she'll be another mans whore but wants to cut you short and make you feel less.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): I feel your pain buddy, I have been in the same situation for 7 years.
My ex (now) used to enjoy anal with her ex-husband (before me-he divorced her, 2 years before we met), she used to tell me about everything about her intimate past and how she used to enjoy it; however she did not allow me as her second husband the same privilages as the first one!!!!
According to her, it is religously considered as a sin (being muslim, anal sex is not allowed even between spouses). The funny thing she has being muslim all of her life, what has changed now, she was a muslim when she did it with her first husband.
I concluded that it is not about anal sex or religon, it all about LOVE, whenever woman loves she gives everything, otherwise she tells funny lies, and she did not love me.
Finally I divorced her, I deserve someone who loves me to be my wife.
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 You keep turning this into a question of her willing to do more for him, willing to please him more, rather than you who are her husband, etc.
Honey, this was plainly 'being young and stupid'.
Anal sex is pleasant for some but hated by others. She hated the anal sex but did it anyway to make him happy or to keep him.
Now as she is older and wiser she simply won't accept to do what she does not find enjoyable herself.
So forget she loved the ex more. The only truth is she loves HERSELF more now, enough to step up for herself and say NO. And as the others said, if this is so important for you, you might as well let go of the relationship because this will get you nowhere. Surely you'll find other women who are crazily into anal sex and whom you can actually be more compatible with sexually! I'd be curious how is sex in general for you two apart from this... detail! If you don't like sex with her in general what point was there to marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): The bottom line is that she didn't hate it enough to stop doing it with her ex. Now she feels differently.
She has already talked about hating it with him, so that tells you that her feelings about "it" are not what has changed. That leaves just one other possibility. She was more concerned with making him happy back then than she is concerned about making you happy now.
I don't expect this answer to be popular with everyone. But I'm still correct.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): "Enema and anal Sunday's" ???Oy vey!Give this woman a break. This is about as enticing as having sex in your car whilst the police are knocking on your windows wanting you to open up and come out.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2011):
 She doesn't like anal sex. It hurts. You have an anal fetish. You are sexually incompatible. Sorry, you're going to have to let her go. Someone's going to be miserable no matter which way this goes and I think you know that already. You just want the miserable party to be her, not you.
I'd say the relationship won't survive. Let her go, let it go and go find a girl who is interested in anal sex. Good luck with that.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 February 2011):
 You need to tell her that her continued contact with him, and her talking about their sex life is fueling your problem.
Why wouldn't she give it to you? Because she hated it and probably felt violated by it. Being a loving husband you should understand that. Having it with you would probably bring back some BAD memories. Just because someone does something in the past doesn't mean they should again. I mean, I've done a ton of stuff in my life I won't do again. Haven't you?
If you can't let this go, get a divorce. That's where things are headed anyway. She's made herself clear. If you feel the need to force this issue, she'll be filing soon enough anyway.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): She obviously doesn't enjoy anal sex but for what ever reason she felt pressured into it by this ex of hers. Now she isn't with him any more she's probably told herself that she's not going to do it again.
Bottom line (no pun intended) she doesn't enjoy it and finds it painful. If you can't accept that then i would think twice about your relationship.
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