A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I would like to know why, my wife cannot understand that I want to be a woman. She see's me every day for the past 2 years dressed as a woman, she knows I pluck my eyebrows and have my ears pierced, she has even caught me more than once being with men. She has even helped me throw out all my male clothes, but still asks me when I am going to stop dressing up. She refuses to call me Joanne and told me she told everyone we know that I am a cross dresser. I constantly tell her I want a sex change and I want to be a mans wife but she just ignors me. What do I have to do to prove to her I want to be a woman ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Kate1967  +, writes (22 March 2016):
Simply put, you need to split up.
You said you want to be a man's wife. That is a huge insult to her to say you want to be with someone else ... male, female, doesn't matter who.
The right thing to do is set her free.
A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (22 March 2016):
Umm....i am wondering if this is a hoax message to be frank.
Some of the content is over-egged I think!
You want to be a woman...fine, then as aunt Tisha says, go get yourself your make it happen team.
The other things here, which lead me to believe this is a hoax question, are around the cheating on your wife, wanting to be the wife of a man....really? If this is all true then why are you with your wife? Do her the kindness of letting her find happiness for goodness sake! You sound very selfish and self absorbed- what do you expect from her really??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2016):
 She can't stop you from doing what you feel you NEED to do.
BUT she can end the marriage. She didn't marry a woman, she may not WANT to be married to a woman. AND that is HER choice.
I am also wondering if you have had any kind of counseling and if you have suggested your wife to join you in some of the sessions.
I think YOU need to decide if this is what you REALLY want and how far you are willing to go.
She CAN choose to support you OR not. You can't EXPECT her to want to be a man and be your husband, because you now wants to be a woman. Or to sit idly by while you "do your thing" with men on the side.
Personally, if my husband told me; "I want to be a woman now and have a husband. I'd say good luck, sign here on the divorce decree, because I have no intentions of being your "husband"."
I agree, stop cheating. THAT doesn't make you a woman.
IF she can't accept what you want to be, divorce might be your only option.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (22 March 2016):
 Assuming you have been married for longer than the 2 years you have been living as a crossdresser, she married a man and has a husband. I have to ask, is this something she has always been made aware of before marriage or something that has just evolved during these 2 years you speak of? If it is the latter, then that is one hell of a thing to try come to terms with let alone try work out where you fit, or even want to, into the equation. Wanting to cross dress to a far cry from wanting a sex change. If you wish to be a woman and wife why does it bother you or that you need her to understand- I mean where does she sit in all this anyway, what are you expecting from her if and when you decide to follow though? If you want to stay in the marriage with her, as well as something else on the side as transgender, then that throws in to question her sexuality. Her ignorance is more than likely her way of hoping that you are not any serious than being a transvestite which suggests, unlike yourself, still invested emotionally in the relationship so being her husband/partner or however you identify with her needs to understand that she needs a great deal of support and understanding. Im not sure what it is that you don't understand, to say you don't just seems all that bit too selfish. It all seems a bit too much of anyone IMHO, why not cut the poor woman loose and let her pursue some kind of happiness as you do for yourself. Ps I agree with Tisha-1 cheating is an arsehole act
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (22 March 2016):
 You are who you are and you have the right to be who you want to be, HOWEVER, forgive me for saying so, but i think you are quite a selfish and seemingly self-absorbed individual.
Why? Because you are married, you married your wife when you were fully male i presume, then you have this wish and you start to change yourself physically by way of dress, name, jewellery, behaviour and even to the point whereby your wife has caught you several times being with other men!
You know, this is actually not all about YOU, but equally about YOUR WIFE!
How do you think your shock revelations must have made her feel from the onset and your continuation of change and seemingly lack of patience and understanding toward her?
This situation, as easy as it appears for you to grasp, would not be so easy for your wife to handle, nor accept.
After all, she married you as a man, a man she fell in love with, so you have to cut her some slack, if she's finding it a little bit difficult trying to accept your love of all things feminine.
I guess the only way to really understand, is if you reverse the situation.
If it was your wife, who dressed as a man, who wished wholeheartedly to become a man fully, then how would you feel, how would you handle this situation?
You make it sound so easy, like a walk in the park, as though your wife, MUST ACCEPT everything you are doing and in the meantime, she must not behave like a worrywort, a nag and just accept what is.
It may not be this easy for her and i would encourage you to sit down and actually talk with her and be as rational and as kind, patient and loving as you can be.
She too, must do the same for you, however, do remember that YOU are the person who is changing before her eyes and she may, unbenknownst to you, not be coping with this immense change at all.
I would even encourage you both to do some couples counselling together and do a lot of sex change research together.
The big thing here though, is that you have had numerous affairs with men and this can not be good for the future of your marriage.
From all i've read, i suspect you are going to leave your wife at some point in the future.
You have stated that you wish to become a "mans wife", so this tells me that your wife cannot fulfill this desire, nor position, so you will have to find a man who will want to be with you.
This already implys, that you will most likely leave your wife, in order to marry a man.
This is quite a messy situation and it's very serious, especially for your wife.
She may think you're being silly, fooling around and going through some sort of mid life crisis.
She thinks you're playing "dress ups".
You need to tell her that you are serious and you are not going through anything.
It's the right thing to do and you need to be fair here.
I am married and although i give my husband the right to do as he pleases, i allow him room to grow and to follow his dreams, i would be shocked to the core, if he came home and informed me that he wished to become a woman and that he'd already been with men.
Most women, most men, placed within this situation within their respective marriages, would find this very hard to accept, let alone live with on a daily basis.
Do the right thing by your wife and tell her every single detail regarding all your plans.
You obviously require support too, with such a huge transition going on, within your own life, but do understand that this is a huge shock to your wife and probably to most of your loved ones and friends, if/when they should find out.
All the best!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (22 March 2016):
 I assume you have done the sums, and worked out how to provide for your wife so that she does not suffer as a result of your desire to be other than her husband ....
I also assume you and she have attended counselling and you are both aware of the journey in front of you both.
And, while I note your desire to be married to a man, have you considered that at your age women are not as desirable as wives, unless you already have somebody lined up for the role.
You are asking a lot of your wife, it seems she has accepted you as a cross dresser but not as another woman.
The only way she is going to accept any different is when YOU put the wheels in motion, start the counselling, start the hormone treatment, and start your divorce proceedings MAKING sure you do the right thing financially by the woman who married the man she thought you were, and not the woman you believe you are.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (22 March 2016):
I assume you have done the sums, and worked out how to provide for your wife so that she does not suffer as a result of your desire to be other than her husband ....
I also assume you and she have attended counselling and you are both aware of the journey in front of you both.
And, while I note your desire to be married to a man, have you considered that at your age women are not as desirable as wives, unless you already have somebody lined up for the role.
You are asking a lot of your wife, it seems she has accepted you as a cross dresser but not as another woman.
The only way she is going to accept any different is when YOU put the wheels in motion, start the counselling, start the hormone treatment, and start your divorce proceedings MAKING sure you do the right thing financially by the woman who married the man she thought you were, and not the woman you believe you are.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 March 2016):
 “she has even caught me more than once being with men.”
So you are cheating on her?
Ok, if you can’t stay faithful and you know you are transgender then you need to respect that it’s going to be a struggle and an adjustment period for your wife.
Is that so hard to understand?
What do you have to do to prove you want to be a woman? Short answer: find the doctor who will assist in the surgery and most importantly the team that will help you through the process, which may include hormone therapy.
In short, if you are serious, then find your “serious no bullshit this is what I want more than anything in the entire world transition” team.
And stop cheating. That just puts your wife at risk for STIs she shouldn’t have to endure.
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