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male
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anonymous
writes: HiI have been married for seven years and have two children. My wife recently told me that she has always had very little sex drive which she has tried her best to hide but now the problem is getting worse and fears that very soon we might not have any sex at all.When we talk about sex she refers it to something of no value. She was a virgin when I married her. She was 23. Could this be a natural problem that cannot be solved or are there any people out there that can help us?
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female
reader, wendy23  +, writes (8 August 2007):
 I have the same promblem, I am a 23 mother of 2 boys and a stay at home mother, my sex drive has been very low ever sice I could remember, I try to spice things up, maybe you could try roll play or do it in a place where your not suppose to, sometimes you could have just oral sex,just give your wife time and her hormones will kick in and you want get her to stop, I don't think she really thinks that love making is of no value but maybe right now she is in the mode of sex on the back burner, give her time she will come around,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2005): i have been with my parnter for 3 years not married but got children his sex drive is very low too, to make things worse he doesnt enjoy massage, foreplay, any kind of sexual touching and oral sex (apart from on him) sometimes i dont know how i cope as im 19 and hes 21 he supposed to be in "his prime" so i try alternative things like a candle lit bath together with loads of soapy water, romantic meals, feeding each other fruit with cream or melted chocolate on, youve got to re-evaluate the relaionship its not worth spilitng up over think about intimate non sexual things you can do together i gaunrentee it will lead to alot more. dont rush her if she hasnt got a high sex drive she hasnt got it, maybe your stuck in a routeen and need to spice it up, i understand its hard with children but im sure you can find a babysitter once every 2weeks or so. just think about making her feel specail and wanted but her a kinky outfit tell her how sexy she'll look in it, how much of a turn on it will be for the both of you, and say there no rush to try it out so she doesnt feel underpressure. id love to go to a sex class but im too embarressed why not try that. i hope some of my suggestions where worth trying good luck mate x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2005): Been there, done that. Here is the awful truth.
"POPS" is 100% right. However:
1) Careful about the psych though. This is a couples thing. If YOU are not happy with the psych then go to another one- immmediately.
2) Be prepared to uncover some hidden secrets from the past that may require YEARS of support and understanding on your part.
3) Do NOT let the psych blame you for anything! You are OK and make no excuses about it - however, be open to that your "wooing" methods may require alteration. You are not perfect either.
4) TIME LIMIT. This is HER problem that is now YOUR problem. How much time and effort YOU are willing to put into help you both is up to YOU only. If you feel no progess is being made, then make the TOUGH decision to separate.
5) She has a right to be happy - even if that means no sex for her. You have a right to be happy even if that means you must go thru a heartbreak divorce.
It comes down to this....How much pain can YOUR love take? Give all that you can, but don't let it ruin your happiness.
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A
female
reader, TRUITY +, writes (5 October 2005):
Hi there, could be that you have never taken her to the moon and back? If a girl has never been excited then it just could be you need to try to improve your technique, the old fashioned romance, affection, fun, seduction techniques do help. Problem with some men can be sex is just that, sex, women want to make love - not have sex!~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2005): Loss of desire is common in women. You and she need to look carefully at the causes of the problem-preferably with your loving cooperation and support and with your family doctor's help, it can be put right. If psychological or relationship factors are predominant, it may well be worth it if both of you go to couples counselling together. Your wife can be helped but it will take time and patience. Good luck
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A
reader, pops +, writes (5 October 2005):
NO this is not a natural problem ! She needs help now, or she is going to ruin your marriage. don't let her go on this way for another minute. Get her to a psychiatrist, now.
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