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female
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anonymous
writes: I recently found porn magazines in my boyfriends room and I am now really insecure. I feel as if I am not good enough for him and I have spoke to him about it but he doesn't seem particularlly bothered. All he has said is that I am as good as the women in the magazines (not better) and that is all he has done to put my mind at ease and make me feel better. What should I do?
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female
reader, boken_butterfly +, writes (7 October 2005):
porn is something you can find in almost every mans room. I'm sure that he adores you. Guys arn't the most thoughtful when it comes to reasureing there gf so keep in mind that they don't think before they answer, he probible ment that as a compliment. He did pick you right so he must think you are attractive, mentally and physically.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2005): Girl, you are right to not put up with this. It's likely just a slap in the damn face everytime you see this crap. You deserve a healthy sex life and he and his porn book should be "kicked to the curb". It's just bulls**t how accessible it all is now. Has everyone gone crazy and nobody can control themselves anymore? I get so sick of everyone acting like digesting so much porn is a man's-god given right. What's even sicker is that when it really gets down to it. How many of these porn chicks do you think really actually "like" giving blow jobs all day?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2005): Im sorry to have to say this but I feel this advice given is ridiculous....Why should a woman 'share porn with a man to find out what he likes?????" how sexist......Porn is degrading to her and women as a whole . It is not a true representation of what real women look like (how many mothers and wives do look like that.) This is going to continue being a problem un til men start setting real womens bodies (women who have lived aged been pregnant etc ) as the ideal that no airbrushed 20yr old can live up to........
Contrary to having low self esteem this woman is healthy...how dare you imply she has low self esteem. Women who are too scared of losing men and accept there porn use out of fear are the insecure ones. Women with guts who dont like porn will say....this is disrespectful, it hurts me...you choose"........Im not saying that all women should say this (if a women likes it thats her business) but if she doesnt want it she has a right to ask him to choose. Certainly there s the chanvce he will choose porn but if he does WHO CARE....What woman wants a man who doesnt care about her feelings and has no social conscience to boot??????
Recent research has shown that men viewing porn (even mild forms ) rate their real life partners and sex lives lower........dont try tellling educated women that this is acceptable....Im sorry if my opinions have offended you......but I have read several of your posts and quite frankly are shocked by some of the double standareds in your advice. Times are not the same as 20 30 or 1200yrs ago.........Although women have always been equal to men they now have the means to demand that respect from men......
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2005): Some women have a real problem with this....Men and women use fantasy DIFFERENTLY.
Fantasy is fantasy....Life is real. One has no bearing on the other.
Those women are fantasy..you are real. Don't you have fantasies? Does it have ANY impact on how you think of your boyfriend?
Trust me, even the boyfriends of those women in the magazine look at other women with lust.
You would look everybit as good if you had 3 make up artists working on you for an hour, a $30,000 set to be fotographed on, an endless woredrobe, and a proffessional fotographer snapping over 100 pictures of you only to choose the best 5 to show.
Your ok, he's okay.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2005): Hi, Sorry but totally disagree with the Pops post. Women should not have to 'have a look with men to find out what they like' Sorry but this is a complete load of rot. Porn is disrespectful. It portrays women in limited ways and is not a realistic represtation of what a real woman should look like. Look around the street how many women (not underdeveloped teenagers do you see who look like the porn women????How many of the porn women bear the medals of pregnancy and have natural signs of aging......That is what women should look like and men need to learn to hold this up as the ideal....not some eternally 20yr old body that has never had any life experience.
This is not jelousy it is a natural impulse to have a need to be respected and valued (and not just on how we look).....Any women with self esteem and respect will not be afraid to say...Porn is crap, it is destructive and disrespectful to me and all women.........You choose me or porn??????? And then if he chooses porn ...oh well.....men will only stop this when there are no women left willing to put up with it and there left with a mag in one hand and there .....in the other......
OP if you dont like him using porn tell him....if he doesnt have enough respect for you to stop he's not worth having.....Trust me on this ...I have been reading a lot of research in this area. Recent psychological tests have shown that exposure to porn (even mild porn) causes men to view therir partners as Less attractive and the sex they have with them as less appealing....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2005): been there... find some studly male porn shots to leave around for him to find and see what his reaction is. men are visual pictures. sometimes you have to draw them pictures:)
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A
female
reader, TRUITY +, writes (5 October 2005):
Hey girl, does it matter if he is getting hot over a book and then spending his nights making love with you? He is just a healthy male, and as long as he is bringing that apetite home to you, keep smiling.......
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reader, pops +, writes (5 October 2005):
Have you considered looking at the magazines with him, and discussing the merits of each woman pictured? Ask him why he likes one, or one more than another, etc.? You might get an education into how men think about women in general, and how your bf thinks about you, sex, other women, etc. Jealousy is a very distructive emotion, and is simply an expression of your own self doubt. What don't you like about yourself? Why do you think you have to compete with airbrushed photos of models? Don't you feel a little silly? You bf has told you he thinks you are as good as the models in the photos. That is a very nice compliment. Why do you have to be better? Are you a working model? If not, why would you bother to compete with these women. A friend of mine was married to a lovely woman with all the curves in the right places. Men always were staring. When he was asked how he felt about the attention other men paid to his wife, he would laugh, and say, " She's going home with me tonight, guys!"
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