A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been together for 9 yrs and she is not happy with her body and I have never given her any reason to think I agree with what she thinks I have actually told her and showed her I love the way she looks but even with all my effort she will still not start sex if I don't start everything then nothing happens. Is this normal or how can I help solve my dilemma Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (26 December 2012):
 It is OBVIOUS that your wife does not think that she is attractive. Show her that she is, if you feel she is, and SHOW her, don't just tell her.
What is the difference between a husband and a best male friend?
No sex! no imtimacy!
BE INTIMATE!
If she is not initiating, you just said why.
A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (18 February 2011):
Many women feel that it's innapropriate to be sexually aggressive and it's the man's place to be the aggressor. Often these same women believe that being available to their partners sexually is their job, and not that their partners are necessarily "attracted" to them. If she has a negative body image, she doesn't believe she's attractive and desirable to you or anyone else.I didn't realise how men need to be pursued and approached by their partners, until my husband told me flat out that he thought it would be sexy if I initiated lovemaking sometimes.His exact words were "do you feel sexy, desirable, wanted and attractive when I approach you for sex?"And my answer was simple, "YES" it makes feel very sexy and desirable that he wants me. He went on to add that when he's the only one initiating sex, he sometimes felt that I really didn't want him, as he wants me, and if I would initiate sometime, he would feel wanted, desired, sexy and attractive too.It got me to thinking that if my husband can make me feel so wanted and desirable, I should make sure I do what I can to make him feel the same way.In the beginning my attempts at initiating were feeble and weak, because all human beings have some fear of rejection or appearing foolish. Luckily he never said "no" and now I initiate about half the time and with much more gusto! It's made me appreciably more aggresive in the bedroom too, which is another added bonus!I wasn't the most secure about my body, but I was secure in fact that my partner loved me, was atrracted to me and wanted no other, but me. Having that kind of fidelity and trust went a long way towards getting me to initiate. Appeal to her as your love partner and she's the love of your life and you want to feel like that too.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Unfortunately this is common behaviour with not only women who don't find themselves attractive but for some who have been married for the length of time you have.
There is very little you can actually do to convince her that you find her body attractive. A woman can be told a 1000 times a day that she is attractive, but if she has this negative feeling within her, no way will anyone be able to convince her otherwise.
Does she pamper herself? Sometimes, something as little as having a haircut, or buying some new clothes can actually boost your self confidence... it has worked for me in the past when I have started to feel a little like she is.
With regards to your sex life; Do you actually show her attention outside of the bedroom? Just sitting together on the sofa stroking her hair makes a woman feel wanted (yes I know it may sound odd); also running her a bath and pouring her a glass of her favourtie wine; returning home with a bunch of flowers for her. I know for a fact, if women are shown more love outside of the bedroom, they are likely to give more in the bedroom. You hear it all the time.... he has ignored me all evening, but as soon as he gets in bed he is all over me, well I soon sorted that and rolled over and went to sleep!
I think you can work this out to be honest, you have been together long enough to be able to. Actions speak louder than words... so if you don't normally do the above things that I have suggested, try it, and who knows, it may just help her confidence issue too.
Good luck and keep us posted!
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A
female
reader, TamyKarcz  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Well she does seem to be very self conscious about her body, but then again after a 9 year relationship it shouldn't matter anymore, plus the fact that you are reassuring her that everything is alright and that you love her the way she is. These are enough arguments on your side and i wouldn't say you have any wrong doing in this. It's probably all in her head, cause the media is so influential these days. So to give a straight answer to your questions: NO.. it is not normal for her to behave that way. As for a possible problem solver... the best way is the old way.. try talking to her and ASK her why doesn't she take the lead [at least sometimes]. It's a shame to see that people have forgotten to use their communication skills. You could even tell her that you would like her to take the lead once in a while. It's not like you're teenagers anymore... you are married and you know each other for so long [9 years is a lot of time trust me]. Present day should find both of you enjoying each others bodies and being comfortable enough to talk about anything and to act upon each whim! Wish you all the very best!
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