A
male
age
41-50,
*ave5878
writes:my wife(together 5 years married oe year)says she isent attracted to me anymore, and that she loves me but isnt in love with me and had felt that way for a long time. i knew we had our differences but i did not see this coming. i asked her if there was another guy, she said no. but it just didnt feel right so i kept on asking,final she said she had met this hot guy at a work party on the weekend(i was out of town)and felt a spark. i asked what had happend she said that they had just talked at the party and then on the phone for the 3 days. she said he was just a machanic and was a friend of a coworked. i didnt feel like that was the truth so the next day after more pushing for info i find out this guy is a client as well as the brother of a the coworker who had the party and he is not just a machanic he own thebiggest auto shop in the city. i am hurt and its hard not to feel like she wants somone better(richer)then me. but i say i married her so if nothing happend then we would make it work, she swore that it was just talking and i belived her i told her to tell him it was over if she wanted to be with me, the next day she said she sent him a text telling him it was over, she was still not acting like she cared how hurt i was so when she was in the other room i checked her phone and she did send a text telling him it was over, but as i looked at all the texts she sent him over the last couple of day i found one she sent him after the party on saterday asking him to comeover, to our house. i showed her the text and asked that the f$$k really happend she,brokedown and said that he came over but that they only madeout for a little bit. so now i dont know if i believe her or not,of cource in my mind i think the worst i still love my wife but i dont know if i can get overthis,she says she wants to make it work but that it will be hard for her because she doesnt feel attracted do me. i tell her to just leave if she isent attracted to me i dont want someone who doesnt want me. but she says she can change andthat we can work it out. i'm just not sure if i should put more of my love into this a relationship or if i should just end it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Your wife is quite selfish, really. Don't put up with it. She isn't willing to make it work, from what I gather. Hard as it may be, leave her. Pick yourself up, and find someone who will adore you and and be all over you, and I promise, it'll be way more rewarding than your current relationship.This isn't about you, it's all her problem. So please, don't feel down about yourself or like a failure ebcause your marriage didn't work. It takes two to make things work, but she's too selfish for that. You're worth more than her crap.Good luck, my thoughts are with you.
A
female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 Your wife's need to cheat on you is due to emotional issues and insecurities she has with herself, which has nothing to do with you or the marriage. When you marry a woman who needs sex with another man to feel good about herself, she will often use sex as a tool to fill a void within herself. Unfortunately, intimate healthy love may be something she cannot give anyone. She is looking to find happiness outside herself with sex, and you may be better off without her.
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