A
male
age
41-50,
*ickey101
writes:Hi there,I found out my wife is telling all her friends that she is getting a divorce from me. She hasnt told me yet! It all started when she started to work for a fashion store and she started to go to clubs with the younger employees. I had no problem with this but the problem arose when I found her wedding band in her purse after she came home from a club. She lied three times as to where her ring was because when I found it I took it and put it on the refrigerator and than questioned her. She also was overtly flirting with men at clubs and even went on a local day boat cruise with a guy which she drank alot at. Ever since than she has been receiving txt messages to divorce me and that she wants to divorce. she started coming home at 9am on Sunday mornings and she has been on dating websites. Bottom line she wants to find a sugardaddy to finance her life and she hates me. we have two small children and we are still together until she finds a job and moves out with the kids. I talked to her as to what I did wrong to her to deserve such a punishment. she said I betrayed her by looking at her txt messages. I am angry because I did so much for her I treated her like a princess and spent all my money I make on her and she does this to me. Now she is civil with me we don't fight nor have we ever but she is planning divorce behind my back and slandering my name to all the people we know! What is wrong with her and why is she so determined to divorce. She is saying that I don't love her yet I am affectionate to her and I really do love her. Is she feeling guilty that I caught her and she is doing this to escape her embarrassment? I know that she really loved me before all this happened and I think that she feels that she betrayed me but cant admit to it and she may think that I don't love her because of this, but I do and I have told her this many times. I cant think of anything I have done to hurt her yet I am being punished by her. What do you think is going on and how can I save my marriage?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): funny man i am experiencing the same thing. I have learned that my wife cheated on me and the seperation began the next day for this wasn't the first time i knew but the 2nd time i caught her in less than a year. I found out the same way but checking her phone while she was sleeping. Sad thing is I loved her and still was willing to give her a chance but shes bound and determined to make herself the victim here. Some women are just closet horn dogs and like the variation of dick they can get just like some guys are the same way unfortunatley sounds like we both are not that way and we are the ones hurt in a relationship like this. Anyhow good luck to you I am divorcing mine and taking my child she wants to be single and available then thats what I will give to her without her child. I reccomend you do the same. Its just gonna get uglier if you dont and u will be much happier if you do. I thought about killing myself the first two hours after we seperated then i thought How do I fight back so i contacted a military attourney.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (11 May 2009):
 See an attorney right away and get tested for STD's She is cheating on you. No ifs ands,or buts about it.Cancel any joint bank accounts you have, because if you cant trusty her with her vagina, you sure as hell can't trust her with YOUR MONEY!Its clear that she does not respect you. Being on Dating sites is now what wives do unless they are looking top get laid, or trade in their mate for an upgrade.sorry to be so blunt, but you need to begin to get your finances in order as soon as possible.You most likely will never know all the truth, so just get ready for the shit storm thats gonna come. I am sure that it will be hard on kids, but you cannot allow yourself to be disrespected like that.Ditch this piece of trash
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 May 2009):
 To quote you: I think that I was too good to her and that I should have been less willing to sacrifice my time and energy to her maybe she would be more appreciative of me.
No no no. A man can never be too good to his SO/wife or visa versa. She just didn't deserve you.. simple as that.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 May 2009):
 Yes, there are loyal women left. You'll find one.
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A
male
reader, mickey101 +, writes (10 May 2009):
mickey101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice I think that I was too good to her and that I should have been less willing to sacrifice my time and energy to her maybe she would be more appreciative of me. But i think I was too stupid and should have not treated her like a princess. I was very affectionate to her and wanted only her happiness and it looks like that she took advantage of me and took me for granted. All i want is a happy marriage and to raise my family but I guess I should have been a little mean to her maybe she likes mean men. I dont know anymore. Are there any loyal women left?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 May 2009):
I don't see a marriage worth saving. Just write her a note: "Complete Stranger: Since you're divorcing me, I'm leaving you. You're so good at telling things that you can take care of letting our friends know, can't you? Without any love left, Me".
Ah, take the kids with you, and forget to tell her :-).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): One day very soon, you will find your bank accounts empty, the door locks changed, and (at least one) another guy in your bed nailing your wife (again) (...you already know she's been cheating on you, right?). Start quietly making preparations. She has. Trust me. Start taking money out of the bank, over the next couple of weeks, and placing it in a separate account in your name. Don't take more than half, because a judge will make you pay it back. Also, she will talk trash about you. However, most people will see through her trash talk, particularly her partying priorities over kids and family. No one who knows her even reasonably well will believe her. Go talk to lawyer. Tomorrow. She probably has. You need to prepare for a divorce with your wife. And your kids will need a sane parent. Also, maintain your dignity, don;t talk about wife (too) badly -- only say she had other priorities. Don;t air your dirty laundry. She's the mother of your kids. Your children will depend on you. However, your wife does not respect you. You need to face that the marriage was over yesterday. Now make mature decisions, preparations, and engage the divorce without anger (as much as possible). These guys who are nailing your wife are just getting their rocks off. They will not want a middle-aged mother as a long-term relationship/wife. (Neither should you!) You deserve a lot better than this. Good luck. Move on. And be a good, responsible Dad. She will likely be begging for you to come back after a while -- don't do it. She will cheat on you again. Have a happy life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 May 2009):
Other then your kids why would you want to save this marriage? She already left it. She is holding on only til she can financially " upgrade" from you.
She is projecting like crazy. Telling you it's YOUR fault for reading her text messages.. is she for real?
It's not often that you see a women with such obvious narcissistic tendencies but she seems to fit the bill.
Have you considered starting the divorce proceedings and going for custody? I would.
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