A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife told me a couple of weeks ago that she was "talking to someone else". I am 33, she is 34. We have been married for almost ten years and have been together since high school. In some respects we have a fantastic marriage. We travel, go to dinner, enjoy each other's company. She hates her job and hate the way she looks (although she is beautiful and I tell her that all the time). Our sex life has not bee great (I thought it was just because of the way she felt about the way she looked. We have basically been coasting along for the past several years with no real changes in our lives. We talk about a lot of things but I get somewhat frustrated (I never and will never raise my voice) when she complains about her job or the way she looks. She says she still loves me but is not in love with me. I am devastated. We are best freinds and have built our lvies around each other. We don't have children. She claims she hasn't been intimate with him and it has been going on for about 6 weeks. What can I do to save my marriage.
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male
reader, shades of blue +, writes (10 April 2009):
 Sorry you are going through this. I myself have been married 12 years to a wife with a very low self esteem. She has gone outside the marriage twice looking for that something that I was not giving.I do not have all the answers for you, but I do know one important thing. She is not talking to this other guy because she wants to have sex with him. She is talking because she is feeling desirable again because this other guy is into her.Time will probably end the relationship with the other guy, but for now I would recommend you try hard to make her feel special and desired. You also have something over this guy. He has no idea about what really is going on in her world. You could really rock her world by helping her make some changes. Perhaps work with her in getting a new job or do a workout/gym membership together. Buy her that gift that will make her cry. Only you know what will get to her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): Thats tough...The love but not in love thing.. Thats serious. Ok, I see two things maybe. The elephant in the room would be sex life. You are both young, you should have a good sex life. The other thing is she hates her job and is insecure about her looks. Maybe the way you deal with these grievances of hers is not entirely satisfactory. Imo, you should show a little fire and zest [saying you never raise your voice?] when you are refuting her claim that she is not pretty. You are fighting for your marriage after all. So, raise your voice... Show a little passion and assertiveness when you tell her she's beautiful. Like, "It makes me really angry when you say you are not pretty because I think you are beautiful!"Also.. her job. If she is absolutely unhappy with what she does, I think you should encourage a career shift or at least change of employers for her.Good luck..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): HiYou sound like a great husband and ABOVE ALL a best freind...very important in marriage. You could do with changing ROUTINES and reallly remind each other why you married. Don't let this other guy move in on her.....Take charge and through a bit of passion her way..... arguments not needed. She says she is not in love........but loves you......................................? CHANGE LIFESTYLE...TURN OFF THE TV if you need to and just go all out ....Does not go astray to let her think you just MIGHT consider doing the same if she carries on this freindship.Good luck.via con dios.
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