A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:All marriages have their troubles. All of a sudden, my wife has started talking to her ex again. She knows I can't stand him. She has gone out with him and his friends on several occasions lately. She claims it's always a group and she's never alone with him. She's even been going out into the wee hours of the night. Over the last 2 weeks, she has gone out with him 4 times. She tells me she'll be going, but I still can't stand it and she knows this. She's stayed out all hours of the night and wouldn't answer my texts or calls for several hours. I feel it's very inappropriate for her to be associating with him, especially knowing how I feel. Her response is simply, "I haven't felt like myself in a while and it feels good to get that feeling back." We always end up arguing about it, and it seems she's standing up for him. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): This is not acceptable behaviour for a spouse. Tell her this and that she no longer has your permission or approval to go out with him.
And as the others have said, do a little private eye work.
Also speak to a lawyer because she is probably cheating.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe hasn't given me a true reason to distrust her. It just all seems too suspicious. She does say where she's going, but still. I've Been trying to check the phone but messages are always deleted right away.
adifferentperspective- sex life has gone way down since marriage. especially so in the last couple months. It is hard for me to get time off, especially in my line of work. I have one friend who's aware of what's going on, and I'm debating having him check it out. She doesn't know his car, so he might be a good resource.
I've called a marriage counselor. (unknown to her) I think if she's truly seeing there's a problem then she'll go.
I don't want the worst to happen. I have no solid proof anything is going on beyond friends. But it's gone too far.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 June 2010):
You need to do P.I yourself. This is beyond suspicious. I don't think you'll like what you'll find, but it's worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): agree with caring guy, you need to find out whats going on. I would start with checking her phone. try to see her text mess and phone logs and also if you can afford it I would suggest you hire a private investigator to find out what they're up to. good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've thought of that, Caringguy. She claims a group is always there. It just doesn't seem right. Especially since she knows I can't stand the guy (we have a HORRIBLE history).
I work nights, and it seems to be the worst on Saturday nights. I even had to come home from work last week cuz she refused to answer me. I had no idea if she was ok or what.
I just need to figure out HOW to go about doing the digging. I can't afford a PI, and she'd figure it out if I follow her. I don't want to get anyone else involved (friends, family, etc).
As a matter of fact just today she called in sick and went to a BBQ with these "friends." Come to find out she went on the back of a motorcycle with no helmet with some guy she's never met. She said he's a "friend of a friend and they all went riding."
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (29 June 2010):
2 weeks and she's been out with an ex four times. Her excuse is that she hasn't been feeling herself. She stays out all hours! I think you need to silently and quietly find out exactly what she is up to here, because this is as suspicious as it gets. on't say a word to her. Just find out what she's up to. Do a bit of digging.
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