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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Why do woman, gets so upset from erectal problems of their man?My wife is in emotinal pain because I lost my sex drive after ,I lost my erection.The doctors couldn't tell us waht was going on, and now she says I have no medical reason, so she thinks I don't turn on from her, and she thinks it destroying her self esteem.Does every woman feels that way?Well, I know it 's hard ,because I have no medical causes, but how can I find out what is causing this?And how can I help her?Thanks
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erection, self esteem, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Just4fun  +, writes (8 June 2009):
My husband and I were going thru the same thing and I was horrible towards him at first. I am NOT proud of the way I acted! I wasn't mad that he was having a problem I was mad that no matter what we tried nothing help. We sat and talked and he finally went to the Dr and asked for some Viagra to see if that would help. IT DID! It's a 1 shot deal though with any of the Rx's, meaning as soon as your volcano erupts you are DONE! I mean stick a fork in ya done! We ended up trying all of the 3 Rx's on the market for that issue. My husband decided to go on Ebay and tried different items on there, herbal, that might help and he found something that really does help him. After about 2 months of the Rx and herbal pills he no longer needs the Rx's but takes the herbal because his girth and length have really increased which gives him more confidence. With my husband, his confidence and self-worth had been slipping away because of money, job, deaths in family and life just seemed very gray to him and that feeling made issues for us in the bed. I would be happy to give you the name of the Ebay stuff if you email me but I don't want to put it on here in case it violates a rule.BEST OF LUCK!!
A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (8 June 2009):
Your wife answered your question, she feels she doesn't turn you on. It is as if you verbally told her to her face she doesn't turn you on.
But I also have to say there is a flip side that you may not be aware of. I am making an assumption here because I know neither you or your wife and your marraige circumstances. Men will react to their wife's depression or low self esteem, especially when it is the husband who is acussed or is apparently to blame (whether real or not), and it becomes a vicious cycle back and forth, tearing at each others inner strengths. Rejection hurts both men and women. When one feels rejected by the other, the other also senses this and when they approach and are pushed away, then they feel rejection.
Coming back from the doctor with negative results also signifies the above scenario. It is mental. The problem I believe lays within the marriage and how each other treats each other. The perceptions, etc.
I think you both need to sit down and chat about this, and explore each others inner feelings and get to the root of the cause. Clearly (assumption), you both have acted in a way that has affected the other. Good communication, open and honest, can heal this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): yes, true, theres a big difference between not getting an erection over any naked female or just not getting an erection with her naked body...if you can still get an erection over other women naked then I would say she has very good reason to feel insecure...more info please.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): You have said you lost your sex drive. Does that mean you are not meeting your wife's needs? In that case that is indeed a big deal. So I would say you havent given enough information here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Do you get an erection from looking at other naked women ie porn???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): from a guy...Most guys don't understand the erection phenomenon so just imagine how ignorant women must be. Read through some of the posts on this site and some women think erection results from a conscious action and men can decide to have an erection just like moving a hand or foot.So you went to the doctor. All you really know after that is that, (1) during that particularly exam, (2) those particular doctors, (3) were not able to find the particular things they looked for. With that said, many but not all erectile problems are psychological. The physicians could have ruled out high blood pressure and diabetes, both of which can affect erection.The physicians also should have taken blood to assay for testosterone. Even though you are very young, you can easily have pituitary failure at your age which can extinguish your ability to produce testosterone. Or you could have no signalling from the hypothalamus to the pituitary. Either way, no testosterone, no erection. If all the above was normal, the physicians should have considered ED meds. ED meds have a very well studied mechanism of action which involves regulation of enzyme activity. It is not a placebo effect. They work great for most guys. One other medical treatment is available for ED. There is a medication called alprostadil that the patient injects with a tiny needle at the base of the penis. After the injection the man achieves a very rapid erection that lasts 1-2 hours. It is expensive medicine and there is a medical limit on the number of times per week it should be used. I guess the drawback is kind of obvious. What man wants a needle near his penis? But, I would rather do that than give up sex.If none of the above is effective, there is a little known medication called Uprima that actually stimulates libido in men (it doesn't work in women). But you didn't mention libido problems, just ED.If one of the above diagnoses/treatments does not help, see a urologist.Your wife should not be taking this personally and she certainly should not be angry with you. YOU have the disease not her - where is the understanding and compassion? You have done nothing wrong. And, how exactly are you suppose to know if you are still sexually appealing to your wife? You two are in an asymmetric situation here.
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