A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Well here is my story. I met my wife almost 7 years ago on line and fell in love with her straight away. The problem was that she was married. her husband at the time was having an affair and it was me she turned to. She had been with her first husband since she was 16 and they split when she was 23. After she split from her ex-husband we started a relationship and married around two and a half years ago.I love my wife so much, she is my best friend and I thought we had the perfect marriage, indeed all our friends and family think we are perfect toegther. Anyway, last week she started becoming distant towards me and I asked her if everything was ok and if we are ok, well the floodgates opened wide. We had a discussion about how unhappy she is and feels as though we have drifted apart.We decided to try and work on things to improve, but in the back of my mind I knew there must be more to it. So on Tuesday I did a really stupid thing and snooped on her personal e-mail. There were several e-mails there from another guy who she knows through a work colleague and one of them talked about a dinner they shared last week.At this point it felt as though someone had pulled my heart out, I was in shock and could not think straight. This hurt me so much as I thought we had a great relationship based on trust and everything was ok.The first thing I did then was drive to her work place to have it out with her, I know this was wrong and should have waited, but I needed to know. We ended up having a conversation in the car where she told me she does not know what she wants anymore. The upshot was that we decided that I would move out for a few days. I cannot remember the next few hours as it was all a blur, but I ended up in a hotel about 60 miles away in tears and not knowing what to do with myself, I am ashamed to say I even thought of ending it all there and then. I could not sleep during the night and decided to put all my feelings into an e-mail to her, but in the e-mail I said I would not beg her to stay as I deserved some amount of self respect and dignity during all this.Well yesterday I had an e-mail asking me to come home so we could talk. I did not know what to think when I arrived at the house.The truth is, she did go out with this guy, but another friend also went along too, she did tell me and is sorry for being caught out. She loves me, but is not in Love with me at the moment. She says she thinks she is missing out on something as she has only ever had 2 relationships (me and the ex husband) and need to have some fun and space on her own. Hmmmm what do I do, during our talk she agreed to try and make the marriage work, but is scared that she will not be able to make it happen. So I am back home now, but for how much longer I don't know. I suppose my question is really, is there anything we can do to try and make this work or is the outcome already decided.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Phil, I have been trying to get hold of our Relate person, but have not been able to get through.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): I think it would be a very good idea if you were to both seek some counselling from Relate. You'll find them in the phone book.
It sounds like this is salvageable, but your wife will have to want to go there herself. If she wants the marriage to survive I think she'll be willing to give it a try.
Talk to her and make an appointment as soon as you can.
Best of luck.
Phil
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