A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A little background. My wife and I have been together for over 8 years now and our relationship is a very good one! We do a lot together and have loads of fun together. Recently our sex life has dwindled down to once every 3 weeks to a month. It can be tough dealing with the lack of sexual interaction but I can handle it. My wife is 25 years old and has worked with a man who is in his 40s for over 4 years. I've met and know him and we have a mutual respect for each other. This man recently opened his own business and brought my wife along being she was the number one sales person at the last job which is all good and great! There was never anything that led me to suspect there was something more than a business-casual friendship between them.About 2 weeks ago I was paying our cell phone bill (we have a shared plan) and noticed there were a ton of text messages back and forth between my wife and her (now) boss. I looked passed it and the next month I saw more texts all morning long to him. (side note: they are always after I have left for work.) So being the investigative type I am...I was able to see some of her text messages. One morning they included him texting her saying," I want to go down!" her,"what??", him,"I want to go down on you!".. Her responses weren’t as vulgar but weren't discouraging him at all. I also noticed most mornings he always gave her jokingly guilt trips like "why aren’t you here yet?!?" when it was an hour or two before she had to start work. So I questioned her that day. She commenced to tell me that they were in a joking fashion and that there is "nothing going on between them" and how she felt bad and was so sorry. She ended up telling him (with my consent) that I had found that and that they need to keep anything sexual in nature out of their conversations. So I did forgive and tried to move on. Since then we have only had sex once. Whenever I try to “put the moves on her” she never responds in a sexual nature. Instead she tells me she loves me and that is the end of it. I'm trying my hardest to move on and forget as well as forgive…but again today saw that there are several texts between them every other morning or so. I can’t tell if she is 100% faithful or not. Any advice would be much appreciated :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your input! It actually has given me a more sense of "ease". I'm not sure I feel that I need to take drastic measures, as such as, telling her she should quit her job and all. I do want to get to the bottom of why she doesn't seem to have any sexual "drive".
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): As a female, I'd like to second sensitive bloke...I don't think she's cheating on you, but I think her boss is a creep and she puts up with it b/c she doesn't want to lose her job. Either way...I wouldn't find anything funny about my boss "joking" about going down on me. That is extremely inappropriate. I think you need to have a really frank discussion with her, about either
1. changing jobs, or
2. filing harassment charges against her boss
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (13 March 2013):
 I would be furious if this happened to me. Why is she still working for him? Surely she should move jobs for the sake of your marriage, to protect it from predators like her boss.
Seriously, how can you be happy with her working for him?
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 hmmmm. sometimes people do say things jokingly and there is no harm intended. but still, to tell a married woman that you're wanting to go down on her? that's definitely crossing the line. maybe she doesn't like him more than a friend and is just humoring him. but it definitely at least sounds like he has feelings for her. she should really put some distance between her and him. out of respect for you. and he needs to back off.
i wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions that she's cheating. after all, you said she didn't go along with his flirtations. if she was cheating, she'd probably make sexual comments in return. judging by what you said, it sounds like she was gently changing the subject or something.
anyway, this is a toughy. i can definitely see why it hurts. sometimes ignorance is bliss because it makes us paranoid when there may not necessarily be anything to worry about. try to put it behind you. but do tell her that you need her to stop texting him so much. you have the right to have this make you uncomfortable.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 March 2013):
 You write: "I can’t tell if she is 100% faithful or not. "
I suggest that you NOT expect 100% until/unless you have less reason to believe that she is wandering....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (13 March 2013):
 HI
I understand your frustration here, If I were you I would just tell her how you are feeling, and that you have seen the phone bill which leads you to feel a little tense, especially as your sexlife has taken a nose dive. I don't think your wife is up to anything, maybe she is being a little flirty but under pressure so to keep her job. But unless you tell her how you feel this will just eat away at you and may start rows which you wont want.
Mandy x
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