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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My wife is mad at me because I told my friends her pregnancy was easy and says im partying too much. She had a very difficult delivery (it took 10 hours) and was in the hospital for a week. Then one day I home from work (which is very stressful) and she nagging at saying she's doing all the work and I don't help out enough. I so got annoyed with her, I tell her to shut up and get out of my way. She started crying and took our daughter to a friend's house. I do feel bad for I said to her. She ignoring my calls. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Get a grip - help your wife - babies are stressful plus there is a truckload of hormones still ragin in her. Help out mate or it will all go down hill.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (5 November 2008):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-have-a-newborn-at-home-and-all.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): It's totally impractical, so I'll suggest a hypothetical solution. Tell her if she'll help you with your stressful job, you'll help with the stress of looking after the baby.
It might help put things in perspective.
You could also suggest that you'll take care of the baby once in a while if she fancies a night out with her girlfriends. Kind of level the playing field if you like. What's good for the goose ......
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): You need to realize that she's under more stress then you are with looking after your daughter and on top of that her body needs to heal and her horimones need to sort them selfs out. You need to grow up, you can't just go partying when ever you feel like and leave your wife to take care of your daughter which is your responsibility as well. Like the others said it doesn't mean you can't chill with your friends which you can but you can't go out all the time. Pamper your wife a bit and don't talk to her the way you did consider how she feels with her horimones going willy wonka and then being told to shut up and get out of your way by her husband the one person she should be able to turn to for comfort suport. So grow up put your partying away and get your wife some flowers! and rub her feet once in a while. Go over to see her and ask for forgiveness and and reasure her that your not going to do that again and your going to be there for her and your guys daughter.
I hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): And you think that looking after a little baby ALL day isn't stresssful? You think that the toll that carrying a baby around for 9 months takes isn't stressful? You need to man up and shoulder some responsibility. Instead of shouting at her, HELP her out.
Go to her and apologise. Profusely. Promise (and damn well mean it) that you WON'T be going out partying until your daughter is old enough to leave with a babysitter and you can take your wife out with you.
Also, I suggest you draw up a rota of who does what during the day. Like, who changes her nappy, puts her to bed etc etc etc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Why don't you get over yourself? You're supposed to be father and yet you barely even sound like a man - more like a child.
You have absolutely no right to speak to your wife and the mother of your child like this. Is that the way you want your child to grow up? With it's Dad treating it's mother that way? You don't think she will start to resent you at some point for that?
Maybe you should start being a man and look after your family. Or maybe your wife has already realised that isn't going to happen and has left you for good.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Wow. Okay I think you both really messed up there. If she was in the hospital for a week and had a difficult delivery you should try to be compassionate for her when you told your friends her pregnancy was easy. Not so much because of what you said, but moreso because women are very emotional at that time. While I agree she shouldn't have nagged you, you should not have said the things you did. Instead you should have taken her into her arms (which always cchageases all nagging) and told her you would help her around the house more. Its not the big things that bother her, its the small things, it always is. Make a point of showing you care for her by drying the dishes, taking care of the baby. When you get home from work spend an hour with the baby and give her a break. Doing that will cause her to ease up on letting you go out with your buddies. For right now, let her calm down, she will call you when she is ready. If she isnt home in the morning, send her a bouquet of flowers and write an apology letter. Eventually she will come home, then its up to you to change your attitude towards her.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (5 November 2008):
Well there a few issues here.
The first one being the issue of you partying lots and as a result not being able to support your wife and newly born child. I am wondering if this pregnancy was plan? If so, then what did you honestly think having a child would be like?
You need to be there for your wife. You are marrid and have a kid, so the reality is you cant go out and party whenever you feel like it. You have responsibilities, and you have made a commitment to your wife and baby.
I know it must be difficult for you, being so young, wanting to have the party lifestyle that all your friends probably have, but you just cant do that all the time. Im not saying you cant hang out with friends at all, just less.
Everyone has stressful things that go on in there life. Alot of people work and have children, but they still manage to help out around the home after work. How do you think your wife feels? Maybe you should try asking her how she feels. I can gaurantee you, she probably feels as stressed as you, if not more!!! Did you know that a stay at home mother is the equivilent of having two full time jobs. So you think having your full time job is stressful...well im sure it is, but think about your wife. Maybe now you will help her out.
Finally, its not respectful or right for you to speak to your wife the way you did. Telling her to shutup is rude and insensitive. You need to learn some better ways to communicate. Maybe you could take a course or something, read a book on it???
You and your wife need to sit down and work out a plan. You need to work out a balance of where you do get relaxing time where you can hang out with friends, but times where you can also help your family and be the father and husband you are, as well as spend quality fun time with your wife and child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): What should you do? Grow up and be a man for your wife and children.
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