A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've only just found out that my wife has been seeing a 22 year old man over the past 3 months in secret.The person who told me was my best friend; he was embarrassed when he told me this.I've got two kids aged 8 and 11, and I love my wife. There was no big argument, nothing suspicious to cause this, it came out of the blue. We'd lived a relatively good life, no major conflicts, the only conflicts were over silly things rather than big things like money/schooling/kids/in-laws/bills etc.Now she announced she's leaving me for the 22-year-old and taking the kids to move in with him.I've told her HELL NO!! but she said "He'll be a better dad than you, and besides, he looks good in a bikini too!". She then proceeded to show me photos of him wearing her bikinis (WTH???). It didn't help that he had a full Instagram with 100 pictures of him wearing bikinis and swimsuits, even in car parks of places like McDonald's etc! She's insistent the kids will prefer him to me as a dad.A 22-year-old parenting an 8 and 11-year-old?? No way?WTF? I'm already a good enough dad, I enjoy being with my kids, whether it's bike rides or more mundane things like helping them with homework.I should add, my 8 year old daughter is autistic and won't cope well with a big change like this.I'm going to have to divorce my wife, but it'll be tough, as we've been together since we were 22 years old. My best friend who now lives in Texas introduced me to her.The thing is, we've got a lot of friends in common, well-known in our small town, and this other guy has come in from Chicago and met my wife online. Apparently he works in McDonald's. I could understand leaving your partner for someone with more money as a motivation, but this is the opposite. What's a guy working at McDonald's got that I haven't? (other than his age).I'm worried about what to do for the best here; I want to be the best dad I can for my kids.But my wife's insistent she's moving her and the kids into this guy's apartment in Chicago (we're here in Florida) within the next few weeks.My sister is my only real support, my best friend moved to Texas and I don't see him much now. My half-sister's in NYC so I can't see her without booking flights at significant expense or a 5-hour road trip.I thought I really loved my wife but now I'm worrying if my relationship was a sham.I don't know what to do next, or how to cope with divorce, especially as my friends are in happy marriages, no-one in my social circle my age is divorced (my uncle is widowed but that doesn't count; my aunt died when I was 18 months old) and never remarried.I just need some advice on things to get perspective and into a good frame of mind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2020): It occurred to me that this lad is totally unlikely to have accommodation suitable for two children, never mind the commitment and caring part of things.
In general most twenty somethings (who don't look good in a bikini) have very compact, minimalist accomodation.
Some have bed sits and some have a room in a shared house, but I can't think of one 21yr old with enough space to put up two kids for the night, never mind a lifetime.
And if your wife has any common sense she would know that it is a ridiculous and bizarre statement to say she is making the kids to move in with him and he will be a better dad.
Clearly your wife has lost the plot!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2020): I think your wife has taken leave of her senses. She hardly knows this man-child. I expect she thinks she's reliving the excitement of first meeting you.I doubt the bloke wants her and the kids in his appartment.It sounds as if he is in it for a laugh and an ego trip.Wearing a bikini is hardly a criteria for parenting. It's a shout for attention.And your wife has gone totally stupid!She'd clinging to a false hope that a 23 yr old would want a ready made family and an older woman in his flat.Technically that would be as appealing as shagging his mom.He wants conquests and freedom to do anything he wants.If your wife is of childbearing age I suggest you visit the lad in McDonald's and give him an enormous up box of diapers, nicely wrapped and tell him he'll be needing to learn how to change a nappy if your wife is in the family way!He will be shocked! "Well, have you been using condoms?" you can ask? If the poor unfortunate lad has been using condoms and says so you can produce a packet of maxi's (on the assumption he has got a d*** and isn't a transsexual youngster)!Then you can say :' You've been certainly using my wife.'But chances are that things haven't really gone that far.Three months is far too short to know much about another person, especially when you consider he has shifts in McDonald's and your wife has had to keep family moments going.I think the sweetest thing you said was that you still love your wife.That means youre a keeper.But her bizarre behaviour is probably riddled with guilt.The remark about her boy in the bikini says it all.I don't think he would want her in his flat.I don't think he would want her as more than a conquest.And she has got carried away with his ego trip.She isn't talking like a sensible adult at all and it must be distressing for you.You could tell her some of this, or let her read your answers from people to open dialogue.I think the guilt of this bizarre flirtation is encouraging her to make more out of a few jokey moments.If you can get her beyond the guilt to become honest I think she might agree that at most she had a few bizarre moments and then enjoyed being the centre of attention.Check this lads reputation out with the police in case he is a known con artist.And remind your wife that her fall from grace will be very painful when she has been fleeced for every dollar and dime she has.She knows nothing about this lad other than that she has been targeted by a youth.He may even have piled on the flattery and attention to get at her youngsters just a little further down the line.Sadly I recently read of a woman in similar circumstances who moved the man into her own home and she came back from work one day to find both the children sexually abused and murdered by the new boyfriend who had a history of paedophilia which he concealed from her.Those kind of mistakes are fatal and there is no recovery from them.Talk to your wife as an adult without the guilt and tell her that she is behaving very naively indeed.This lad is a liability.And don't make the mistake of looking down on yourself and thinking you have nothing to offer your family And that this boy has more dick than you.Because he has nothing to offer in comparison to You and if your wife can't see that, then she will probably end up on the streets as a bag lady.See a solicitor if need be for advice and contact the child protection scheme to make certain your kids are not used as pawns unless your wife comes down to earth and offers you a heartfelt apology for her ridiculous stupidity.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 September 2020):
 Amen to all that Code Warrior suggested.
Get your ducks in a row. File for divorce, seek full custody and for HER to pay child support and have vitiation rights but not with her toy-boy - boy-toy...
Sounds like a midlife crisis. But seriously WHO in their right mind leaves their 2 kids to they can date a 22 year old?
Get yourself a GOOOOOOD lawyer.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (25 September 2020):
 I think that she is making a huge mistake, and I can't see it ending well for her.
She is leaving her marriage for a 22 year old that works in Mcdonalds, who has been wearing her bikini's in a car park, I think she has taken leave of her senses.
It seems like she is going through with this, so sooner rather than later I would get the ball rolling and obtain legal advice. She is the one leaving you and embarking on an affair, and uprooting the kids in to a new situation that could be potentially unsettling.
Seek legal advice, sooner rather than later.
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