A
male
age
41-50,
*oeyBloggs
writes:About a year ago my wife was disheartened because all her friends we're either pregnant or had kids and we we're not ready yet. She sort of had a mid-life crisis and befriended a co-worker who could talk to her. Since then they have become really close. I mean REALLY close. They work together most days and message each other constantly when they're not together (underline constantly). Our conversations now almost always include the friend. My wife also revolves her life around her friend, taking them to work and picking them up, taking days off work so she can assist her friend when they need help. The friend stays at our house at least once a week where they stay up drinking until the early hours and then go to work early together. They stroke each others hair and call each other siblings, get called a "couple" in work and say stuff like "it's like we're the same person". They once got drunk and fell asleep in the same bed (I'm fairly confident that there is nothing sexual between them). The friend even brought a toothbrush around but I said that's ridiculous, and my wife did too, but I'm not sure if it's only because she knows it bothers me. We go to the pub sometimes (the three of us) plus a few of their other friends and I get on with the group ok, but they are 10 years younger than me and my wife so don't have much in common. I'm also a different nationality so feel a bit left out of the conversations most of the time, which doesn't help. My wife buys the friend a LOT of stuff (meals, drinks etc) out of our money, however she earns more than me so I don't think she sees that as a problem. Basically my wife and I used to be best friends but now it's like she's in another relationship and it's really getting me down. I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive and would like people's views please. We moved across the world to live in her home town and with her friends, but she doesn't hang out with them, just her new ones and I'm feeling like she's basically leading a new life which I can get on board with if I want. If I don't join in, I should find something else to do most of the time.It really bugs me to the point where I think it's detrimental. Should my wife should be happy enough with my company? I don't have a desire to go out and get another soul-mate - why does she?. I've said this to my wife and she asked do I want them to stop seeing each other - but she is happier than she has been in years, so I don't know what to do. Did I mention the friend is a guy?
View related questions:
best friend, co-worker, drunk, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 March 2013):
 Why are you becoming a cuckold husband? Is this what you want?
Your wife is cheating on you in front of your face so that she can do it guilt free.
I'm sorry but there is no advice I can give you other than to leave your wife. She has to make a choice... YOU or her friend.
I did this to my ex husband (with his permission as he was looking for an excuse to end the marriage) and it did end the marriage... and I married the "friend".
She wants out and is too chicken to say so.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): Do not put up with this. Leave her!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2013): Your wife had fallen out of love with you. It sucks but it happens. I applaud you for trying to be as nice and understanding and accommodating as possible even to the point of letting her lover stay in your hose but this isn't really going to help your relationship osntead it is fostering their closeness even moreI sugget you leave your wife. I am sorry but she is clearly in love with the other man and all her heart and soul is poured into him. You as the husband certainly have the right to demand she stop seeing him (even though you haven't done this) but even that would not save the relationship because the emotional relationship is already gone as evidenced by how much she wants him. Therefore the best thing to do now is to accept she has found a new soul mate and to minimize the damage being done to you. That's why you should divorce her so you have the opportunity to reflect on what went wrong (were toy incompatible from the beginning? Were you not as supportive as she needed? Did she change who she was?) And have the chance to find a new soul mate of your own. Some times people just change as life goes on. And they drift apart if they are no longer compatible. That cannot be helped. But often the signs can be ignored or downplayed so the couple stays married and it isn't until one of them meets a new person who is more compatible that it calls out the long standing problems in compatibility in the marriage. Even then you cant always fix it. So you just have to move on.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 March 2013):
 So..... your "wife" has a boyfriend who she brought home from work..... and you see all the evidence you need (to see) to understand that YOU are the "third wheel" in the party.... BUT, you give her "passes" to betray you.. and you continue to allow her to make a fool of you... because you have chosen NOT to tell her that her behaviour is NOT in keeping with how men and women who are married behave....
Did I get that right????
AND, now you ask us what to do? Answer: You tell her to make a decison - NOW - if she is married to you, and intends to remain married to you.... and if she does, give her, say, 5 minutes to tell "the guy" that he is OUT OF THE PICTURE... FOREVER..... and, if she chooses not to agree with you... then you start the wheels rolling on divorcing this woman and get on with your life....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 HI Im sorry but your wife is taking you for granted. Letting him stay over your house..bringing a toothbrush....they are both taking you for a mug. I would tell her to end this ridiculas behaviour she is your WIFE not a friend who sits on the sidelines. If she refuses then I would cut my losses and start again with someone else. It sounds like to me they a very much more than friends. They got drunk and fell asleep together?? unless this man is gay I doubt very much they went straight to sleep after everything else I have just read.No hun you deserve to be treated with respect, clearly they have NO respect for you at all.....Mandy x
...............................
|
