A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so, please don't judge. I've seemed to have gotten myself into a really bad situation. I want to give a brief story on how I met this guy, and what my problem is now.I met this guy online years ago. I was then 12, he was 13, and we became really good friends. We remained friends for the next 3 years until, when I was then 15 we decided to start a LDR.The relationship was... ok, from what I remember. He became super obsessive over me, and still is. The worst thing that he does is that he guilt's me into doing things I just DON'T want to do. And makes me feel bad if I say or do something wrong. Now, the relationship had gone far enough that we decided to meet face to face. However, I wasn't comfortable with it considering I was 15-16 at the time.Eventually the relationship became too much to deal with. He wanted to talk EVERY single night, and I was just too damn tired to, and I was peaking in my social life, so I was meeting other guys. So, when I ended the LDR, he became so... irrational! He threatened suicide and blamed me for how he felt. I bargained that we could still be friends, and to this day, we are.Now here comes the trouble, I made plans to see him this Summer for the first time, but now I don't think I should. (Just so you know, we do Skype, so I know he's not a creepy old guy.) But here's the problem, he still thinks I love him, and due to some mixed feelings in the past, I said I loved him because he really put me on the spot, almost as if he was making me say it. And he's just so emotionally messed up. I feel like if I go see him, then he'll NEVER let me go, but he guilt's me into coming back every time!Also, last week he said something awful about me. We were talking about having babies (not together, just in general) and I said, "I guess I might have one in a few years." And he implied that I was a s^^t, when I corrected myself and said that I'd get married first he went off saying that I'd NEVER get a guy to love me because of how I treat people and that I'm a cold-hearted girl who plays with guys.And that he's the ONLY guy who will ever love meAnd whenever we talk, he talks about how he's saving his virginity for me, and that he turns down girls that want to date him. Honestly, I CANNOT see myself having a future with this kid anyway, not that that would come into question, although he still thinks that that's going to happen. Now I don't want to see him. How can I let him know that I don't feel the same about him, and it's probably best that he forgets about me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 March 2013):
 I can’t see why you even want to have contact with this guy. He’s demanding. He’s trying to be controlling. He’s attempting to emotional blackmail you into “staying” with him.
THIS IS NOT HEALTHY for him or for you. He now is sensing you are lost to him hence his need to make you feel worse by calling you names and saying he’s all you can get. He’s wrong.
What you say to him in email or skype or whatever you need to use is “buddy, I’m sorry but things have changed and I won’t be coming to see you this summer, in fact, I think for now we need to not have contact at all” You don’t have to say “I don’t love you” or anything else. Say your goodbyes and GO.
DO not get into a discussion with him over it. DO NOT let him guilt you or blackmail you. IF He threatens you, and you feel truly afraid, you should report it to the local authorities… (IF he does it in skype or email keep copies).
Once you say goodbye DELETE his skype account and block him from contacting you via:
Skype
Email
Phone
Social media
BLOCK HIM .
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 March 2013):
 You calmly say to him.. or Skype to him... or e-mail to him, a missive that says (use this verbatim): Hey, e-pal, it's become crystal clear that there IS NO "relationship" between us.... and NEVER WILL be a relationship between us.... so.... let's just cease communications and go our separate ways.... Have a great life....."
good luck...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 March 2013):
You really have no choice but to end things, including any friendship, permanently. Meeting him would be a horrible idea! And being friends is simply stringing him along.
I'd recommend moving the conversation to text only. Tell him that you have appreciated his friendship over the years, but you don't think that things are working out between you any more, and it's obvious that he can't keep things "just friends".
Tell him that if he has anything to say he can reply to you, but the second the message turns nasty you'll stop reading and block him forever. Tell him if he tries to video chat you'll block him as well.
After your goodbyes if he does anything that bothers you then block him. Who knows, maybe he'll be able to be friendly. I doubt it, so keep the block button handy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 March 2013):
 Honestly, I don't even think friendship with this guy is healthy thing for you.
He is interpreting you wanting to be "friends" with you loving him or you PLAYING with his emotions. And I think you want to be "friends" in order to not hurt his feelings and because you feel a little sorry for him. That's pity, not friendship.
I think you need to be up front with him and stop talking to him (but letting him know why).
You don't OWE him your future or a relationship, just because you have known him for years. And NEVER EVER let any one pressure you or emotionally blackmail you into doing things you don't want to do. You have the right to say no. Don't let someone take that away from you in the "spirit of friendship"
You can't STOP him from doing whatever it is he wants to do. You can talk to him and tell him that he needs to seek help if he feel suicidal. You can't FIX that for him.
If you know his parents and he keeps threatening suicide I would give them a call and let them know.
YOU ARE NOT responsible for HIS actions, only your own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): Trust your gut! A woman's intuition is one of the strongest. Before this becomes much to serious I would recommend just telling him the truth, and that those nasty and mean things he has said to you really hurt and made you feel very uncomfortable. You should also talk to your own mother if you can, and have a strong relationship. Would she recommend you meeting him if she read your article? You are an adult but if you are thinking of continuing this meeting do so only in extremely public places and places near a phone! Also have another friend to attend this meeting as well one who can protect you if something unsafe was to occur. ...If you are seriously condsidering meeting him, even when you posted you don't want to, you don't feel comfortable even if you feel endangered ...Please follow your intuition! Women have these for a reason ?Goodluck please stay safe and trust yourself! You are the only YOU you've got!!! - age 25, female
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