A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I hope I don't look like I'm bitter with this question but I'd like to know your opinions with this.I have 2 daughters aged 17 and 19 and I've been paying child maintenance. Admittedly it was only £150 when they were both little but I've always had minimum wage jobs. Now it's only my youngest I pay £75 per month.My kids told me that their mother is committing benefit fraud, I found out just before Christmas, and it's really getting to me. She's pretending she's single when her husband lives there. She claims she is looking after 3 children by herself.Since lockdown happened 3 years ago my children have been with me for the majority of the week, I work from home so they didn't need child care. I still carried on paying maintenance. I don't know why I feel a bit stupid!It's not changed and now my eldest lives here permanently because she's fallen out with her mother. She text me last night asking for maintenance so I told her I'm not doing it. I told her I knew what she was doing.So she's gone off on one and started having a go at my kids for telling me. She's worried I'm going to report this and she's also telling me my life isn't perfect and I'm being bitter. I don't want to report things I just want to be left alone. What would you do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2023): I think you have to keep paying the child maintenance amount that was agreed otherwise you are not fulfilling your side of the deal. However, if you think she is wrongfully claiming universal credit then you could report her. At the moment it is just hearsay, you dont have evidence as such, so I think you should keep fulfilling your obligation until it is found otherwise.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 April 2023):
 Does the money she is "fraudulently claiming" go toward the kids OR herself?
That is what I wonder.
If you report her HOW hard is it going to be on your youngest?
That would be my only concern.
Now the "blackmail" you got going there - "I won't pay you what I LEGALLY am supposed to pay you and you just have to suck it up OR else..." It's kinda low.
Yet, I totally get not WANTING to pay when the kids are at your most of the time.
If you want to lower or STOP paying maintenance - keep records of when you have the kids and take her to family court.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2023): I wanted to add something else, telling me that amount of money is laughable is quite upsetting to me. I've spent all their lives scrimping and saving to give them what they need, I spend a lot of time with them and always have. I've always spent every last penny on them and I wish I had grown up to be more privilege than I am to have bad jobs that don't pay much.
Although £150 went to their mother I spend much much more on them than that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2023): I'm the person that asked the question, I hope you understand that they both live with me the majority of the time as in they sometimes spend weeks at a time in my house and not their mothers. Last month she spent 4 days with her mother. Meanwhile when she pretends to looks after 3 children on her own, universal credit can be hundreds and hundreds of £s per month with what shes claiming. I don't get help with universal I pay for their clothes, food everything so I don't understand why me, as the main care giver should be paying her.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 April 2023):
 I'm sorry if I am missing something, but I really don't see what the issue is here - unless you are looking for people to say you SHOULD report your wife? I'm not sure what you mean when you say you "just want to be left alone".
While appreciating you have only ever had low paid jobs, you do realize £150 a month to help support two teenagers is laughable, don't you? You must have discovered that since they came to live with you the majority of the time. That doesn't even cover their food, let alone anything else. While you have been contributing (hopefully, as much as you could afford), their mother has, in all probability, had to find a lot more money than you have been contributing. She now has another 2 children to support and yes, I realize their father is around and hopefully helping with the cost, but your children are not really his financial responsibility, are they?
If you feel so strongly about giving your wife money when your daughters spend most of their time with you, then keep a log of dates they are with you and pay your wife a proportional amount for the days your youngest spends with her mother. I will say again though, £75 a month to support a teenager is laughable.
I hope you realize that reporting your wife would not be in the best interest of anyone in your family, least of all your children. While not condoning benefit fraud, you need to perhaps bear in mind that what your wife is (allegedly) claiming fraudulently is a drop in the ocean compared to corporate fraud.
Your youngest will soon be of an age when you legally, if not morally, don't need to help support her. Keep the peace for her sake as, by the sounds of it, she still spends time living with her mother.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 April 2023):
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